His Best Friend's Wife (Bachelor Best Friends 2)

“I hope you’ll bundle up somewhat better than this when you do. At least wear a hat.”

She tossed the towel aside. “What did you mean by what you said on the phone earlier? When I said the motorcycle ride was your idea, you said it was just the opposite. What did you mean by that?”

His jaw twitched. “Damn it, Renae.”

She caught his arm when he would have turned away. “What did you mean? The ride was your idea, wasn’t it?”

He hesitated, then nodded shortly. “Yeah, it was. You probably remember that I was in the state on leave visiting my grandparents in Batesville, at loose ends for the weekend. I thought Jason needed a day out to ride through the Ozarks, enjoy the fall colors. You know, before the babies were born. He’d seemed a little...well...”

Stressed, she filled in silently. Anxious. Caged. All emotions she had sensed in Jason in those weeks before his death.

He’d grown increasingly tense as the due date neared for the babies neither of them had planned on so early in their marriage. Just beginning his doctoral studies in addition to teaching high school, Jason complained about doing nothing but work and study and then having to help around the house. Renae, in turn, had pointed out acerbically that she was also working and doing most of the daily housework while carrying twins.

“Anyway,” Evan continued, “when I found out he’d promised to help you that weekend, I tried to convince him that we could always go riding some other time. I even offered to help with the nursery instead.”

His admission jolted her. She hadn’t known about that offer.

“I’m sure I know what Jason said to you,” she said through a tight throat. “The same thing he said to me. He wouldn’t have many more free weekends to go out and have fun, and he didn’t want to waste a chance.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“You should have told me this before,” she murmured.

He gave a slight shrug. “There was no need.”

She sighed. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you, Evan. It must have been so hard for you to be there when Jason died.”

She saw the haunted look in his eyes when he said, “That’s an understatement. I had nightmares for a long time.”

It was the first she’d heard of the nightmares. How self

-centered had she been to be so focused on her own loss, and Lucy’s, that she hadn’t even realized the full extent of Evan’s suffering?

She thought back to the funeral. Her heart ached when she remembered the way she had parted from Evan. Lucy had burst into tears when Evan had approached them at the simple graveside service, stark misery on his face.

“If you hadn’t talked him into going out on that motorcycle you encouraged him to buy, my son would still be alive today,” Lucy had accused him around her sobs. “I always hated those machines, but he had to have one to keep up with you.”

His face pale, Evan had looked at Renae, as though trying to determine if she agreed with Lucy.

Her own heart broken, Renae had wrapped an arm around Lucy’s shoulders, and turned to lead her away. She’d often wondered if Evan had taken her actions as a sign that she, too, had blamed him for Jason’s death. Maybe she had, at least at that moment. Maybe, in her grief and regret, she, like Lucy, had simply needed someone to blame—and Evan had been a handy target.

He could have told her then that he’d tried to cancel the ride. But he’d seen no reason to do so. Perhaps because he’d understood their need to lash out. Or maybe because he had, perhaps unfairly, accepted some of the blame.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “After everything you’d been through, for Lucy to blame you... That had to have been devastating for you.”

Though he shrugged, she saw the tightness in his face when he replied, “Like I said, I understood. And I still do, but I’ve got to say I’m tired of having to pay for the sins she thinks I committed.”

“And I haven’t made it any easier for you.”

A spark of irritation flashed in his eyes. “No,” he admitted. “You haven’t.”

She almost winced, but she knew he was simply agreeing with her. “I’m sorry. I guess I had some issues of my own to work through.”

“You didn’t trust me. You shared some of your mother-in-law’s recrimination toward me. And you didn’t think I would be interested in your daily life with your kids, so you thought I’d disappear once you started including me.”

She frowned in bewilderment.

His mouth twitched. “You think I don’t know how you think by now?”