Notorious (Playing With Fire)

“I need to talk to you,” he started, and she sucked in an audible breath.

“Oh my God, you talked to Alexa didn’t you? And Brandon?”

He stopped short. “What are you talking about? Have you talked to them?”

“Um…” She shifted her feet, looked vaguely uncomfortable. “I had lunch with Alexa a couple of days ago.”

“Ah, shit.” Eric ran a hand through his hair. “What did she say?”

“If she isn’t what you want to talk about, then I don’t want to repeat it.” She flopped onto the couch, relief written all over her pretty face as she smiled up at him. “What’s up?”

“No way.” He shook his head. “You’re not avoiding that one. Tell me what she said.”

“Eric, please. I can’t. Now tell me what you wanted to talk about.” A pleading expression crossed her face, and he didn’t know what to do. Push and make her confess or let it drop?

Unease slipped over him, making him even tenser. He wasn’t going to sit by her. He couldn’t. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. About you and me together and…I don’t think it’s going to work.”

“What?” She sat up straight, incredulity written all over her face. “What do you mean it’s not going to work? I mean, I know what we have going on isn’t always perfect but I thought…”

“I think it’s going to end up in disaster. And it’s best we end this now,” he said with a finality that killed him. He didn’t want to end it. Not yet. But he knew this was best. She would break his heart, and he couldn’t bear the thought.

It was so much easier to break her heart first.

“Oh.” She laughed and leaned her head against the edge of the couch, staring at the ceiling. She actually laughed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, which only plumped up her breasts and made him stare. “I get it. You’re dumping me before I supposedly get the chance to dump you.”

God damn it, the woman knew him far too well. He both hated and admired her for it. “That’s not it. I’ve thought about this, Stace. I really have.”

“Yes, it is it, you just don’t want to admit what a coward you are,” she said softly, still staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m not a coward.” He bristled at the insult.

“Bullshit.” She looked at him. “But go ahead. Break up with me. You’ll realize what a mistake you made.”

“You’re so fucking confident, aren’t you?” The fact that she practically dared him to break up with her infuriated him beyond reason. What sort of game was she playing?

A fucked up one just like I’m playing.

“Actually, no I’m not. I’m not confident at all. You want to know the truth? You scare the shit out of me. Us together? It scares the shit out of me too, but I’m willing to risk it. To give it a try and see if it works. Because I think we’re worth it. I think you’re worth it.” She stood, glaring at him, her hands resting on her hips.

Eric hung his head. Shame filled him at her brave confession. “I’m not worth it,” he muttered truthfully. “I’ll probably cheat on you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will. Or I’ll break your heart. More like you’ll break my heart. It won’t work. It never works.” He looked up so their gazes met. “I’m selfish. I always want what I can’t have. I like being with men. What if I miss it? What if I seek guys out and have little affairs on the side? How would that make you feel?”

She visibly flinched. “Thanks so much for your honesty. Are you trying to break my heart now?”

“At least I’m being honest.” He threw his hands up in the air, feeling like a drama queen.

She went to him, slipped her arms around his torso and he automatically closed his arms around her, hauling her to him. He breathed a sigh of relief at feeling her nestled against him, the scent of her hair. He was a damn fool.

“You’re going about this all wrong, you know,” she murmured against his chest. “You think you can just come over here and dump me so you can beat me to the punch? It doesn’t work that way, Eric.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” He knew he sounded miserable. Felt even worse. “I’m confused. You confuse me.”

“Why, because you like being with me?”

“Because I’m afraid you’ll get sick of me. I’m screwed up.”