Clearing his throat, he headed toward the settee. Theo glanced up, his solemn face breaking into a smile at Damien’s approach.
“Whatever are you doing here by yourself, Theo?” Damien sat beside him.
Theo shrugged and resumed his perusal of the book. “Trying to read.”
Damien glanced over Theo’s shoulder and saw the book was most definitely not for a child. A piece of sophisticated literature on the writings of Socrates certainly wasn’t what he read when he was a boy. “Your choice is rather ambitious.”
“Grandpapa wants me to have a fine education.” Theo mimicked the words Damien had heard uttered by Urswick more than once. “I wanted to show him I could read.”
“And where, may I ask, is your nanny?”
“I snuck away. She fell asleep in her chair in the nursery, so I left.” Theo wrinkled his nose. “I hate the nursery. I’m a big boy, not a baby.”
Damien chuckled and gently took the book out of Theo’s grip, setting it beside him on the settee. “There must be a book from your grandfather’s vast collection that’s easier for you to read. You mustn’t stress yourself so. You’re only five, after all.”
“But I’m to be the earl someday. And I must be very smart.”
Such enormous responsibility on one so young. Damien ruffled the boy’s hair affectionately. “You are very smart, Theo. And someday you’ll make a fine earl.”
“Did you read books like this when you were five, Uncle Damien?” Theo’s imploring gaze met his.
“I’m afraid not. I enjoyed reading simpler books with pictures in them. Have you had many lessons?”
“Some. Mama helps me to read. She’s a good teacher. She’s pretty too. Don’t you think she’s pretty?”
Celia was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. “She’s definitely pretty.”
“And she’s nice. She smells good too. I like the way she hugs me.”
She smelled delicious and tasted even better. Damien had fallen asleep last night reliving their illicit kiss in the hall and awoken doing the same. He hadn’t seen her all morning, much to his disappointment, though it was probably best. What would he say to her? “Is she a good hugger?”
“Oh, yes. I’m sure she would hug you if you asked.” Theo leaned toward him. “Do you want to hug my mama, Uncle Damien?”
He wanted to do much more than hug Celia.
Realization dawned. Was Theo trying to convince him that he and Celia belonged together? “I care for your mama very much,” he said carefully, not wanting to upset the boy. He wasn’t sure exactly what Theo wanted to hear.
“Do you love her? You could marry her, you know. Then you would become my papa!” Theo bounced with excitement.
“I could never replace your papa, Theo. You know he was a good friend of mine. My best friend.”
Theo frowned. “I don’t know what it’s like to have a papa. I didn’t know him. I’d like you to be my father.”
The confess
ion broke Damien’s heart. How could he leave this boy and his mother? He’d believed himself unworthy for so long, yet he’d ingratiated himself so fully into their lives they counted on him.
He was leaving for France in mere days to embark on a new life. Abandoning Theo and Celia much like Lawrence had done, only worse. Lawrence hadn’t meant to die.
But Damien was purposely leaving them.
“I’ll always be your Uncle Damien…”
Theo shook his head. “I want you to live with me and Mama. I want to be like other boys. I want a mama and a papa. Don’t you want to marry my mama? You said she was pretty.”
“Your mother is beautiful.” Damien sighed. “But it’s not that easy, Theo.”
“Why not?”