Indulgent Pleasures

He was being a complete chicken shit. Right now, he needed to swallow his pride and call her, beg her forgiveness and see if she’d listen. See if she’d give it to him. And if she didn’t pick up, then he needed to leave her a message and hope like hell she’d call him back.

Hitting redial he let it ring, listened to her sweet voice tell him she couldn’t take his call right now but if he left a message she’d get back to him as soon as possible. Then he heard the beep.

“Stephanie, it’s me. Justin. I really hope you’ll get back to me because I need to talk to you.” He paused, gulped, and it felt as if a rock had lodged in his throat. “I really, really need to talk to you. Please call me.”

Justin hung up and threw the phone again, getting no satisfaction when it hit the floor with a loud thunk. Running a hand through his hair, he muttered a curse but it didn’t make him feel any better either.

He hadn’t felt right since that afternoon. Since Stephanie left him after he’d verbally abused her.

God damn, he was such an asshole. Such a complete and utter asshole to not believe in her and automatically think the worst when confronted with a problem.

So typical. He’d always pushed people away. His grandmother had accused him of that more than once. He wouldn’t let anyone get close to him for fear of them abandoning him, she’d said.

She’d been right.

Just like his own parents who’d left him without a care to his well-being. Who’d never given him an ounce of love his entire life.

Stephanie had given him love and he still turned her away. Would she ever forgive him?

God, he hoped so.

* * *

Stephanie tugged another tissue out of the box and blew her nose, then tossed the tissue onto the floor where a pile of them already grew. She’d lain in bed for the last two days, sleeping most of the day and throughout the night. She didn’t eat, didn’t talk to anyone, she just laid there and thought of Justin.

Even her crabby roommate was concerned and Sia never showed any concern for her whatsoever. Over the past couple of days she’d periodically knocked on the door to check on Stephanie. She’d offered to bring her food, drinks and seemed to want to do anything to make her feel better.

Stephanie found it quite shocking. Maybe her bitchy roommate wasn’t so bitchy after all.

She needed to get over this, what happened to her. She needed to get back at it and find a job and forget Justin. Forget what Zoe and Caleb had done to her and move on. Life was passing her by and she was getting nothing accomplished by sitting on her butt and crying her eyes out.

With a sigh she stood, moaning at the painful crick in her back, the wobbliness of her legs. Her stomach growled and she clutched at it, surprised that she was suddenly so hungry. Nothing sounded good to eat and a sudden wave of nausea swept over her, killing her hunger in an instant.

She grabbed her cell phone which rested on top of her dresser and turned it on, doubting that anyone had called. Really, she had no one, she knew that. Her sisters thought she was a whore, her parents had written her off as a disgrace and no one from the magazine would contact her to make sure she was okay. They were all too busy gossiping about her and what she’d done with Justin Hawkins.

Her voicemail beeped in notification and she dialed the box number, punching in her password. Her eyes widened in surprise when the automated voice told her she had five new voice messages.

Justin’s warm baritone greeted her, pleading with her to call him. And then again. And again.

When she finally finished listening to her voicemail inbox, she set the phone down in shock. Every single one of those messages had been from Justin. Begging and pleading with her to call him, how desperate he was to talk to her and could she at least spare five minutes to let him explain himself?

She shouldn’t. She couldn’t. He’d already let her know how he felt and his true colors had shone bright and clear. She could understand to a point his powerful reaction but he hadn’t even given her a chance and wasn’t that what love was all about? Giving each other chances?

T

hat’s what she’d always thought. Apparently, she’d been wrong.

Or they hadn’t really been in love in the first place.

With a sigh, she opened the top drawer of her dresser and pulled out a pair of plain white cotton panties and a matching bra. Her fingers shoved past the fragile and delicate lacy things Justin had preferred so much. She’d preferred them too.

Not anymore. Just touching them made her think of Justin and she didn’t want to do that right now.

A shower would do her good and help clear her head. Her hair was greasy, her face oily and she bet she stunk. Stunk like pitiful, hopeless woman if there was such a scent.

God, she needed to get a grip. A scalding hot shower would be just the thing.

Wash away the bad thoughts, wash away the difficult memories. Emerge clean and fresh and ready to tackle her new life.