“That’s because it is ridiculous, Bellamy! I recommend you for one of the most prestigious job positions a state can offer an attorney, and you return to say you want to have your cake and eat it too? You can’t have it both ways. Either accept the job and go to Chicago, or turn it down and stay here. There is no other option.”
“Under different circumstances, sir, I wouldn’t even think of asking you this. But this morning, I got news that’s going to change everything for me.”
“Don’t tell me someone died. I just got off the phone with one of my other attorneys. There’s only so much death a man can take it one day.”
“No one died. I’m just… pregnant.”
He smiled. “Is this fuck with the boss day? Tell me this is a joke.”
“I wish it was, sir. I really do.”
“Bellamy, I took a big risk recommending you for that position. There were even a couple of people who are more qualified than you, but they don’t have your tenacity and bravado when it comes to getting shit done. Anyone in this office has the potential to do some good in this damn world, it’s you. Now, you come and tell me that you can’t accept the position because you’re pregnant?”
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“No. I’m positive you don’t know what I’m thinking. You may feel that I’m mad at you, but I’m not. If anything, I’m disappointed. I don’t have any children, you know that. This job has been my wife and my child for years. Some can do it with the family and others can’t. Even the ones with the family can never commit as much as those without. Just the way it is. There’s no harm in it.” He leaned forward, and a form of sincerity filled his eyes that she never got to see often. “But I thought you are like me, vicious in the courtroom because you know the bad people who’d be roaming around out there hurting other people if it weren’t for us. We’re the ones who come early and stay late, not because we have to, but because we want to. Without that kind of dedication, who knows what the justice system would be like?”
She didn’t know what to say. Earlier in her career, that was exactly what she was like. It’s why she left the private firm in the first place. No amount of money was enough to make up for the feeling she got when she put a known criminal behind bars.
The pay was shitty and the hours were long, but she got a rush every time she saw how happy people were when they saw that justice had finally prevailed. In a world where that wasn’t often, she savored the times when it happened. She knew Smith felt the same way. It was a drive neither one of them could describe to someone who hadn’t been through it, who hadn’t lived it. That’s what made her job one of the most rewarding parts of living. She never wanted to throw that away, even if she was pregnant. But she had to adjust her life accordingly, that was obvious.
She almost preferred seeing her boss’ anger rather than his regret, because she knew what he was saying. As much as she would try to do everything in her power to be the same way she was before getting pregnant, there was no way it could ever be the same. Many people accepted that, but she knew that part of her would always wonder how far she could’ve gone and how great she could’ve been at her job as the DA of Chicago.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“No more than I am,” he said.
Although she knew he didn’t mean to hurt her that way, it still felt like a knife being shoved in her gut and yanked back out. She nodded and left his office without saying anything else. She wrote to her office as quickly as she could and shut the door. She didn’t want anyone to see how heartbroken she was or the tears that started falling from her eyes again.
Chapter 14
Andrei
“Didn’t I tell you this would happen?”
Andrei wasn’t a day drinker, but he’d stopped by Erik’s bar for a drink. He needed one. Plus he wanted his father off his ass. He didn’t need that shit today. Not now.
“I doubt you foresaw this exactly,” Andrei said.
“But I told you she was going to get upset about your daughters. You can’t just keep something that big a secret.”
“Wasn’t trying to lie to her. I just wanted to enjoy being with her before something like that got in the way. And look what happened, no Victoria.”
“You brought this on yourself, man. No one else to blame about it, and that whiskey isn’t going to help you much either.”
“Probably not, but it sure feels like it could numb the way that I’m feeling right now.”
“What’s up with heartbroken people wanting to feel numb? How the hell does that help anything? If it was me, I want to feel every damn stab. Even if it killed me. That’s what life’s about, feeling it.”
Andrei groaned. “No philosophy today. I can’t take it right now.”
“I thought you lawyers were all about philosophy, which is all about discovering truth. Just so you know.”
Andrei drained his glass and shook the ice cubes to get his friend to notice.
“No more for you. Cutting you off.”
“I’m not drunk yet. I need at least another two to get there.”