Taming the Beast

Anger, pure and one dimensional, washed away the pain of the past that always seemed to claw at my skin in an attempt for release. The anger pushed the pain down, and I was in my wheelhouse once again.

“Why did you come up to me, then? If you’re looking for somebody to fuck, it’s not me, that’s for sure.”

Sexy Guy laughed rudely. “I’m not looking to fuck you, don’t worry. I was trying to find a spot at the bar to order a drink, when you ran your friends off by being the bitch of the century. So, I stepped up next to you. Believe me, you are the most un-fuckable woman in this bar right now.”

I flushed with embarrassment as people around us laughed loudly. Maybe Harry the bartender suddenly had ESP or something, because he placed another shot and beer in front of me and quickly backed away.

I looked away from Sexy Guy and picked up my next shot with a somewhat shaky hand. The music, and the laughter, and the conversation in the bar made it easier to pretend to ignore him. When I didn’t respond right away, the people that watched us got bored and moved on.

I drank the shot with a lot less enthusiasm than the last three, while Sexy Guy ordered a beer from Harry. I tried not to look at him in the mirror behind the bar, but I still ended up watching him pay Harry and leave a tip. The worst part of what he’d said was that it was true. He’d pegged me as a bitchy man-hater at one glance.

I have good reason. If he knew, he’d run, just like everyone else in my life would.

I continued to look at his reflection, and with some detachment I realized how hot he really was. I would guess he was around my age, twenty-five, because he had that look of being in his absolute physical prime about him. He had on very worn-in jeans, and a navy blue t-shirt with “COLLEGE” stenciled on it in white letters. The t-shirt hugged his chest and arms and announced to the world that he had a beautifully toned upper body, while the jeans slouched in all the right places. My perusal took a minute or two, and once I was finished he still stood there next to me, without a word between us. Incredibly, my fangs began to grow.

I picked up my beer and drank half of it in one guzzle, while Sexy Guy did the same. Still, neither one of us spoke. I was floored that the vampire was making an appearance; I had controlled it for so long with an iron grip. I was always in control, always. This had served me well in my fledgling career as an attorney, it certainly helped me keep the monster at bay, and it helped me keep men at a distance.

But for some reason I was hurt by what this guy had said to me, which totally confused me. I figured it must have had something to do with my fight with the girls, because why would I give a shit what some stranger thought? I didn’t know how to handle the hurt, or what to do with it, so I placed it in a little corner of my mind and fell back on my second favorite emotion, indifference.

I finished my beer and put the bottle down on the bar with a thud, splashing some of the remnants onto my blazer.

“It’s been swell meeting you, Sexy Guy,” I said, as I bent down to grab my briefcase off the floor.

Shit, I just called him “Sexy Guy” out loud. Well, my prediction that this night would be my own brand of hell had come true.

As I swung back to an upright position, I grabbed some money out of my briefcase and threw it on the bar, then turned toward the door.

“Wait,” he said from behind me as he grabbed my free hand. I stopped short, and my hand began to tingle where his fingers touched mine.

Shit. Letting go of his hand might be impossible.

Suddenly, I wanted to cry. His touch brought to mind all that I missed daily in my life. I missed the casual physical affection of a man simply holding my hand. I missed the emotional connection between two people that can’t be replicated with love from your parents, or your friends. It was a different type of connection, because it was unpredictable and dangerous, and because of those things I’d avoided it for six long years. So I slept with men when I wanted to, and I told myself that sex would mask the pain.

Until the sex was over, when I usually felt more alone than I had before I took the guy home. I knew this, but I still went through the same ritual every few months because I couldn’t go through life with no physical affection at all. And usually I was fine with the broken carnival ride that was my personal life. But tonight I had too much to drink, and an argument with my sisters, so my loneliness was a swirling mass inside of me, taking up entirely too much space in my heart.

Having no strings attached sex with a guy was as simple as telling a guy you wanted no strings attached sex. I would know. So, I figured maybe Sexy Guy might want to sleep with me, even if I was “un-fuckable”. I figured his thought process about whether to sleep with a woman went along the line of most men—all cats look the same in the dark. He stepped up close behind me.

“Turn around,” he said softly, as he ran his fingers lightly in a circle in the palm of my hand. My hand reflexively closed, and I shivered as his fingers dragged across my palm and caused a shot of adrenaline through my system. My reaction to him was much stronger than I was prepared for.

“No,” I said, but I didn’t let go of his hand.

“Come home with me,” he asked, as he linked our fingers, and the slow touch of our skin sliding together caused an ache in my chest.

Guess this answered the question of whether he would sleep with me.

I was so lonely that it seemed like a good idea, even though I had never before picked up a guy in my own town.

“Where do you live?” I asked, without turning around.

“I’m staying at a friend’s place around the corner, but he’s out of town.”

“Let’s go,” I said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him wave a hand in farewell to some people in the far corner of the bar, but I didn’t look to see. I figured it didn’t matter, because I most assuredly knew them, and I didn’t need any reason to stop what I planned on doing. I also didn’t look around for my sisters, or Kelsey. All I wanted to do was be alone with him.

Chapter 3

The door of the bar closed behind us, and the cool air outside doused my buzz as much as I imagine a bucket of ice water in the face would have. Our hands were still clenched tightly together as he pulled me to a stop on the sidewalk and stepped in front of me.

“Don’t ask me any questions,” I said, as I avoided his gaze.