“It doesn’t work like that, Herbie. First we have to do a title search.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you forgotten all the questions on that bar exam you sort of took?”
“It sounds familiar.”
“It means we have to find out if the title to the apartment is good, if there are any encumbrances, like mortgages. If there are, the seller has to pay them off at the closing, so you get a clean deal. It’s going to take at least a week.”
“Can I move in now?”
“No, Herbie. You don’t own it yet.”
“But I gave them a check for ten percent.”
“You’ll have to give them the other ninety percent before you can move in.”
“Can I move in on closing day?”
“I’ll see that that’s in the contract,” Stone said. “Is anyone living there now?”
“No. They already moved out and took everything they wanted. The rest is mine.”
“Talk to your real estate agent; she’ll get the whole thing together and put me in touch with the seller’s attorney.”
“Are you sure I can’t move in today?”
“Herbie, they won’t even give you the keys until the closing.”
“I can pick a lock.”
“Don’t you do that, Herbie! You want to go back to jail for breaking and entering?”
“Can I have the living room painted? I don’t like the color.”
“Talk to your agent; maybe she can get permission.”
“Can I break a wall down?”
“Don’t even think about it, Herbie. You have to play by the rules!”
“Oh, okay,” Herbie replied, sounding dejected.
“Listen, you can go out and buy furniture and pictures and other things and have them delivered the day after closing. You might need sheets and towels, too.”
“Yeah, Sheila and I could do that.”
“I think I need to have a little chat with Sheila,” Stone said.
“What for? You trying to get laid?”
“No, Herbie. I just need to straighten her out on where her loyalties lie.”
“Her loyalties don’t lie.”
“Her loyalties to you, Herbie. Is she going to be loyal to you or to her pimp?”
“I want to marry her,” Herbie said.