“Turn over,” he asked.
I did exactly as I was told. I braced myself on my hands and knees while Gabriel took me again in a single, long thrust of his full self. I let out a scream that was harmonized with a moan from Gabriel. We collided against each other, two forces trying to mingle at an even deeper level than was humanly possible. It was there between us, the guttural attempts to push into each other until we were a single entity. We might never achieve the melding we were searching for, but our voices climbed to an even higher volume as the synchronized pleasure pounding through us dragged us both in the same direction and right over the edge of a jagged cliff. The wind whipping in our face met with the collision against the ground below was the feeling we were looking for, and even long after our bodies ran out of the ability to move, we continued to try, pushing against each other until we were expended, with nothing left.
When I next knew where I was, I was nestled in a tub of warm water. Gabriel’s body was wrapped around my own with his fingers walking their way back and forth over my arms. I had to have played some role in getting there, but the memories escaped me.
“Welcome back,” he hummed at me, placing a warm kiss against my neck. My head lulled back against his shoulder, bearing my neck even further. He took a gentle nibble, but both of our bodies had been pushed to their maximums. His ministrations were an extension of earlier passion still bubbling over. “You were with me until I started running the water.”
“Was I?” I asked drowsily. “I don’t even remember getting out of bed.”
Gabriel laughed. “That would probably be why most of your words were not real words.”
I laughed with him. “Probably.”
“I owe you an apology,” I said, and it was unexpected even from myself.
Gabriel gruffed behind me. “No, you don’t. If anything, I owe you one.”
“I consulted Google,” I continued. “I saw that you were telling the truth. The closest you got to any of the crimes your family committed was being present. Even that sounded shaky.”
“I was there for one. Not that I was super useful.” I could hear the regret in his voice.
“You said you would explain,” I reminded him. “If I’m going to do this. I need to know.”
Gabriel shifted enough to look into my eyes. “Are you going to do this?”
“I don’t know yet,” I replied. “I don’t want to think about being apart from you, but you also said you would do anything for your family. Even that stuff.” I supposed I couldn’t blame him. If it came to my parents or Mira, how sharp were the edges of my resolve? “I guess I’m hoping you can give me a reason to think it would be okay to stay.”
Gabriel’s arms wrapped around me and clung me tighter to him as his head fell back out of sight. “I guess you could say I was born into it. The organization has been in my family for generations, but my dad was the one who spearheaded it into what it is today. He was murdered. It feels like yesterday, but it was actually a few years ago. A family we were aligned with found out he was skimming money.” His body tensed up the more he talked about it. “When he was gone, Luca took over, but we each played our part. This past couple of years, my brother Marco and Alessandro both fell in love, had kids, and left.”
“I didn’t think you could leave?” I asked, before realizing I sounded like someone who based their belief off of movie stereotypes. “Or is that just a godfather thing?”
Gabriel chuckled, and I felt a little of his stress ease away. “No. My dad always used to say, once you’re in, you don’t get out. I always thought it was a commitment thing. Like proving you’re part of this family means you stick around regardless, but I realize now that’s not what it is at all. It’s like an invisible rope, and it’s tied in a thousand different knots. The only way out would be to undo all the knots, but every time you untie one, you tangle up three more. This life, it’s a poison, and there’s no antidote.”
Hearing Gabriel describe it that way scared me, but it also made me feel sorry for him. If he knew that it was eating him up and didn’t get away from it, I had to believe it was because he couldn’t, not because he didn’t want to.
“They managed to exploit some loopholes, that’s the best way it can be described, but…” Gabriel hesitated, and I felt his whole body turn to stone around me. “The poison.”
He didn’t need to explain, I understood. They thought they were out but were they really?
“It’s different for them both. For Marco, it’s guilt, like he feels bad that he’s off living a happy life while the rest of us are stuck, and for Sandro…”
Gabriel’s voice trailed off again, and that time he didn’t continue. That was the first time I’d heard his brothers’ names fom him. Luca and Marco left his lips a little easier. I wondered if he was just closest to his older two brothers or if something else was there. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to pry.
“You’re closest to Luca and Marco?” Gabriel snickered and then started laughing. I had no idea what to make of the reaction. “What?”
“Sorry,” Gabriel managed through breaths. “I guess that is kind of how it sounds. No. Sandro was the only one who really looked out for me. The other two tortured me.”
“Why?” I asked.
“My brothers and I don’t have the same mom. Not long after Sandro was born, my dad cheated on their mom with mine, and I was born. My dad took me in, told my brothers that Varasso blood was in me the same way it was in them, and they should love me just like they do each other. Luca and Marco resented me, though, even more after their mom died.”
The tension in Gabriel’s body funneled into tremors. His arms shook despite his obviously begging them not to. “Sandro took care of me. I wouldn’t have survived this long if he hadn’t. I didn’t repay him very well.”
I could feel the darkness in Gabriel’s aura at the subject, and knew I couldn’t pry there. That was information that would have to be offered willingly. Gabriel’s head nestled against the side of my face.
“Sorry. I know it’s all a bit dark. Marco and my sister-in-law teamed up to make me come out with you. I wasn’t going to. It’s not fair to subject you to all of this, but I just can’t quit you. I don’t want to.”
I felt the same. This man, living in this evil, blood-thirsty world, was really just a tender spirit. He loved his brothers and wanted what was best for them. I could see him desperately trying to hold the supports up himself, and I wanted to be that person holding him up. The one he could turn to when he felt like it was all backed against him.