She sat back in the chair and stared at him through veiled eyes. “Because you became my hero throughout this reign of terror. My prince, if you like. But when you brought it to an end, I realized you do this every day for a living. You move on from one ghastly, gory case to another, and then another and another. On the phone just now I heard you discussing a hit man and a robbery.
“Those aren’t just words to me anymore. A hit man is someone who actually goes out and kills people. Those brothers were planning to kill me. They became real. The whole situation became agonizingly frightening when Dan started stalking me. Then he tried to kill you. I’ve lived through a nightmare and will never be the same again.”
“Kellie—”
“Let me finish. The other day Dad brought up the possibility of my getting therapy. I didn’t want to hear it, but I think he’s right. Forgive me for throwing myself at you in the car. I didn’t know any other way to express my feelings. It shows how off-kilter I am. You’re a man and you responded like any red-blooded man. But I’m a wreck, Cy.”
His stomach roiled. “So what are you saying? That you take it all back? That you don’t want to see me again?”
“Yes— No— I’m not explaining myself right. I would love to be with you again and again, but I can’t bring myself to do it because—”
“Because what?”
“I’m afraid I’ll lose you while you’re in the line of duty. The other night you made yourself a target for Dan to shoot you. I was there, and I was dying inside. I went through that experience with you. Don’t you see?” She got to her feet.
“I know that when you go to work, you’re going to put yourself in jeopardy laying your life on the line every day, or night, depending on the circumstances.” She clung to the back of her chair. “You asked me why I sounded sad tonight. I’ll tell you why.
“I saw your sister and her fiancé so happy, and I was so envious. She never has to worry when he goes to work at your dad’s law firm that he’ll be shot or blown to bits by a bomb or stabbed to death. I know there aren’t any guarantees in this life for any of us, but he’ll probably live a long full life and raise a family with her.
“I don’t see that in your stars, Cy. I’m being honest. I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to you. Though I’ll never forget you, if I don’t see you again, hopefully in time I’ll fall in love and get married to someone who’s—”
“Safe?” He cut her off.
“Yes!”
“Where’s the barrel racer who stares down danger every time she enters the arena?”
“For heaven’s sake, Cy. You can’t compare that to what you do. I don’t care about me. It’s you who matters! Just hearing about this new case you’re going to work on makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to think about it. I know someone has to protect us from the evil out there, but I don’t want the man I love to be the one who does it.”
He grabbed hold of the table, hoping he’d heard her right. “You love me?”
She swallowed hard. “What do you think I’ve been saying all this time? Yes, I love you. I’m madly in love with you. Isn’t that crazy? We only met nine days ago, yet I know to the marrow of my bones it’s true.
“But I don’t want to be in love with you. Your poor parents didn’t have a choice when you made up your mind what career to go into, but I do. So I’m going to ride away from you while I still can.”
“That’s not going to solve anything,” he said in a grating voice.
“Maybe not, but when I’m off on my rodeo circuit, I’ll be spared knowing that you were shot and killed by some lawless felon while I was gone. I don’t want to be anywhere around when that happens. Now, I think you’d better go. The vet is going to be out early in the morning to give my horses a checkup.”
The fact that she loved him would help him get through all the other things she’d said that he hadn’t wanted to hear. She needed more time.
“Will you let me hold you for a little while before I leave?”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t dare. Kissing you in the car was a big mistake.”
Like hell it was...
“Kellie? Look at me.”
“Please don’t ask me. I enjoyed the evening with your family. Let’s let it rest there with that memory.”
“Would it help if I told you I’m head over heels in love with you?”
“For the second time, you mean?” she asked in a sharp tone. “If I recall, you told me you barely escaped marriage the first time around.”
“That’s because I wasn’t ready for a commitment.”
“Even so, someone will come into your future who will be the right fit for you. Maybe a woman in law enforcement who can deal with the risks to her own life and yours. They say the third time’s the charm.”