A Girl in Black and White (Alyria 2)

She paused. “Well, no, not really. I guess I had a feeling.”

“A feeling made you abandon me for twenty years?” I asked, disbelief coursing through me.

“I’m sorry it’s not the answer you wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. You weren’t safe here. And being a Sister, I have obligations in the south that I have to uphold. But lord, if I would have known she’d raise you like a peasant, I’d have sent you to Aunt Deidre, odd or not.”

She was lying.

Something dark chafed inside me.

Drip . . . drip . . . drip . . . echoed in the recesses of my mind.

It would be so easy to make her tell you the truth . . . The whisper was like the slither of a snake: soft and lazy and dark. I shivered, pushing the feeling down, down, until it was only an inkling in the back of my mind.

“And where did Grandmother live before Alger?”

“Oh, here. She lived in a quaint home right outside the city. She never was a people person. In fact, she hated Clinton and is probably only taking her time with Aunty Oddy so that she doesn’t have to come back and see him. He might have his faults—anger issues and penchants for redheaded sluts,” she added sourly, “but he was the only man who didn’t mind that I was pregnant. He was infatuated with me, even when I didn’t have much magic—oh, look! These sandal ribbons will match that dress I bought you for All Sister’s Day perfectly!”

And there was the reality, crashing in like powerful waves and crumbling my world of make-believe. “Mother, what would happen if I left Symbia?”

She dropped the ribbons, shooting her gaze to me—and receiving another curse from the vendor. “You aren’t really considering that, are you?”

I lifted a shoulder.

“Firstly, you can’t leave until you’ve sworn in as a Sister. And even after that, you cannot travel long distances without permission. If you break those rules, your future will be judged by the Superior Sisters—”

“Yes, I know all of that, Mother. But what will happen if they cannot find me?”

“They don’t take disloyalty lightly. They’ll go after your immediate family first. And if they even think they were involved in it, they’ll . . .”

I tuned her out as I grew lost in my thoughts. I’d had the suspicion that no matter if I chose to leave, the Sisterhood wouldn’t let me go without consequences. I wanted to convince Grandmother to run with me, to make a new life, somewhere like Alger. But I didn’t know if that’s what she wanted—to be a fugitive on the run for the rest of her life? Though, it didn’t seem to matter anymore, because I couldn’t let my consequences be pushed onto someone else. I could embrace the Shadowed side of me, but I knew that if I did it again, I wouldn’t make it back.

“Mother,” I said, “I’m ready to decide on a husband.”

“Oh, thank Alyria! I was beginning to think we’d have to pay someone last minute. Clinton will be out of the house tomorrow, and we can go over the list I made. Any preferences so that I can narrow it down?”

I thought for a moment, but the only attributes that came to me were of a certain Titan’s. The one who told me he needed to stay longer after he’d learned I had trouble with my magic. The one I was certain wasn’t going to seek me out again. I could feel it. And the one who was leaving for another country soon . . .

My chest tightened. I hated how uncertain he made me feel.

“Polite,” I finally said, “just polite.” And then Agnes’ words came back to me. “And no one you’ve slept with.”

She pursed her lips at that.

. . . and there went her whole list.

While she finished her shopping, I only stared blankly down the street. Because even though Weston had tortured me the last time we were together, it was, in our way, a sort of conclusion to whatever we were. There was never going to be a hug and sweet goodbye. I didn’t think I even wanted that.

All I knew was, that closure, it tasted even more bitter than revenge.

“Guess who offered for my hand?” Juliana asked with a big smile while we all sat at the supper table. They’d already voiced a myriad of questions about the ‘Girl in Black’ for only Agnes to shoot them each a glare to not bring it up again. They’d all frowned and went quiet, and since then we’d pretended the Girl in Black never existed.

“Yea, yea,” Magdalena sighed from beside me. “We all know, Juli.”

“Not Calamity,” she said. “She’s been out all day with her mother. And with that . . . situation yesterday, I wasn’t sure if she found out.”

Farah ate her soup beside me like she hadn’t gotten me sent to the gallows just yesterday; and just like Talon, I wished I had a fork instead of a spoon.

“I’ve heard, Juli. Congratulations,” I said with a smile. I felt a little bad about her relationship being a lie, but the reality was, she had to pledge somebody, and I could guarantee that whoever her mother would have chosen would’ve been just as bad. At least she was getting what she wanted here.