Remembrance

“Yes!” Talis said fiercely. “I have not touched her.”

“And this not touching her has been easy for you?” James continued, with Philip beginning to smile, seeing where his brother was leading.

“I am a man of honor,” Talis said loftily. “I do not take what I have no right to.”

“So this is why you haven’t been sleeping,” Philip said.

“And why you come from our lady mother’s room in a rage, with tears in your eyes.”

Talis didn’t like anyone to think he was less than a man of great strength and nobility. “What you say is not true. I am immune to Callie’s childish pranks, but she is female and I must allow her to do what she wants. I enjoy the sight of her but I can control myself. I will not touch her.”

“Is this why you do not eat? Is that why your ribs are beginning to show through your clothes? Talis, brother, why do you not just take your beloved Callie to bed, then she will have to be married to you.”

How many times in these last weeks that were so filled with pain and pleasure had he thought this very same thing? But a vow was something that must be honored. When he spoke, his voice was serious. “There are things you cannot know.”

Philip was the first to speak and his voice was bitter. “We know our mother very well. She finds out things about people and uses their own weaknesses against them. Talis, you should protect yourself against her.”

At these words Talis grew angry. Could they not see that their mother was dying? She grew weaker every day, but still not one of her children visited her without a summons. Only Talis visited her every day. And he was ashamed to admit it, but his brothers were right: Most days he emerged from Lady Alida’s room with tears staining his cheeks. Every day Talis begged Alida to release him from his vows, telling her he could not take much more. In a lapse that he now regretted, he even told her the truth about Callie, that she was trying to seduce him. On his knees, Talis had begged Alida, telling her he wanted Callie so much, that he loved her more than he loved money or great deeds. Life would be nothing without her.

But Talis couldn’t tell Philip and James any of this. First of all, he had to protect his masculinity and, second, he would not believe what they were saying about their own mother.

“There are things you do not know,” he repeated stubbornly. “You should not talk about our mother like this.”

“Then why can you not marry Callie?”

There was no answer Talis could give.

“He cannot marry her because that would make our esteemed mother jealous,” Philip said. “Our mother has grown to love you.” Instead of envy or jealousy in his voice, there was a sound of relief.

“I am glad she does not love me as much,” James said. “When my mother loves someone she expects his soul in return.”

Talis could not stay there and listen to what they were saying about a woman who had so little time left to live. But the worst thing was that their words were beginning to sound true to him. He went to stand by Hugh with the horses, stroking a horse and frowning.

“Love is all to a woman,” Hugh said after a moment.

At first Talis did not hear him and when he did, he didn’t understand what he meant. He thought Hugh was talking about Lady Alida. “Yes, perhaps she does love me. I do not count that as a sin.”

“No,” Hugh said. “Not her. Your Callie. She is everything in this matter. Do not make light of her. That Callasandra of yours is full of pride.”

“I know what Callie is like,” Talis snapped at him, tired of all the advice and teasing he’d received that day. No one knew the truth of what he was going through these last weeks. On one side he had Callie doing her best to get him to make love to her, and on the other was his mother daily reminding him of his vows to God to leave Callie a virgin.

Talis knew that it was true that he was many pounds lighter and he hadn’t slept but a few hours in the last weeks. Yes, he thought, Callie was indeed proud, but so was he. He, Talis, was very, very, very proud.

With a glare at Hugh to let him know that he’d heard all he wanted of his advice, Talis walked away from him.

“It begins,” Alida said, leaning back in the bed and holding the letter to her once-plump bosom. “Gilbert Rasher is on the way to claim his son.” Pausing, she smiled a bit. “And the groom has arrived.”

Penella barely looked up from her chore of shoving Alida’s clothes into the big carved oak chest at the foot of the bed. Wrapped inside one of the garments was a small silver dish; later she’d return for the dish and add it to her growing cache of items. Should she ever again be sent away, she would not be without funds. Never again was she going to leave her welfare in the care of others. She explained her thievery by telling herself that the Lord helps those who help themselves.

“Your beloved Talis will not go with his father. His heart and soul are with that girl.” As Alida dwindled in strength, Penella became bolder. What had once been love for her mistress was now disdain.

Alida hardly noticed her maid’s insolence. Her mind was now fully occupied with Talis and providing for his future. “I have thought of that, which is why I have chosen a man for Callasandra to marry.”

At that Penella gave a snort. “The boy will not allow such a marriage, nor will your daughter.” Penella refused to pretend that that great, strapping, black-haired boy was Alida’s son.

Alida lay back against the pillows and closed her eyes for a moment. “I am not so ill that I have lost all my senses. I do not plan to ask either of them what their wishes are. Before I die I mean to see Talis on his way to the queen, and I will do whatever must be done to ensure that. Now, come help me to look good, for the man is here.”

“The man?” Penella said, trying to act disinterested, but she hated it when her mistress did anything that she had not told her about first.