“Uncle Matt…” Cody said, groaning all the way.
With one raise of Matt’s eyebrow, Cody stopped whining. I turned back to Cody and pulled him into a hug. “Goodnight, Cody. Sleep tight…don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
He laughed. “Goodnight, Tasha.”
“I love you!” I said squeezing him tighter than intended, and most likely shocking him.
“I love you too!” When he pulled back, he looked at me, giving me a second glance, before leaving the dining room. When he disappeared, I felt that everything I ever wanted was being ripped from me.
“I’ll be leaving,” I mumbled.
Matt nodded and followed me to the door. “I’ll walk you out,” he said.
That was the longest walk I’d ever taken. When we got to the car, I turned to face him. “I’m not this horrible person that you think I am. Can I just explain?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you’re horrible Tasha. You might have made a bad decision, but you’re not horrible.”
“I didn’t make a bad decision…that’s just it. You’re getting one side of the story,” I argued.
He hesitated, and I thought maybe he would allow me to at least tell him my side of the story. It seemed kind of crappy that he wasn’t giving me that chance. When he shook his head, my world crumbled.
“I don’t think it’s necessary. One, you shouldn’t have to explain. If I can’t trust who I thought you were, then I can’t trust you.” Those words were like scalding hot water being thrown at me. I never intentionally gave reason for Matt not to trust me and if he would hear me out, I was sure I could regain that trust. “I’ve always been responsible and worked hard to stay on top. That hard work has landed me a job that’s prominent in this city. People look up to me to always do the right thing. Cody is of an age that he looks up to me for the same. He needs positive role models in his life, and what I saw on that DVD didn’t promote that for me. Sorry.”
I fell back against the car as I felt one blow after another barreling from the mouth of a man I thought could never hit me so hard…so painfully. “I’m sorry you feel that way, and I’m sorry that this happened. If I could take back anything, then I would take back that DVD, but I would never do anything to harm Cody. If you feel that my being around him would jeopardize him, then I’ll walk away.” I felt a sob release from my throat, and I willed myself not to cry aloud. “I’m sorry, Matt. I do love you!”
I opened the door of my car and got in, before he could have a chance to stop me. But as I backed out, I noticed something I hadn’t seen before, he wasn’t going to stop me. In Matt’s eyes, I had somehow wronged him, and I didn’t know if would ever get over the pain of seeing that in his eyes.
I could no longer hold back those tears, and as they released, I started to uncontrollably shake. I was losing an important part of myself and that was Cody and Matt. This wasn’t going to be something I could just easily get over.
***
The minute I got home, I shredded the DVD. I hoped that it was really the last one of its kind. I didn’t need to watch it, to know what was on it, but the fact remained that Matt never gave me the opportunity to explain myself and that caused me to weep.
I spent three days wrapped up underneath my covers, just feeling sorry for myself. Every time I closed my eyes and saw Matt or Cody, I would once again find myself falling into this deep sadness.
I received a couple calls from Dana while I was in bed, and I ignored each and every one of them, until I got the text from her.
Dana: I know what happened with you and Matt. Please call me!
I was so embarrassed. I thought this had all been behind me and now everything was coming to the surface again. It happened so long ago, and I didn’t want to rehash bad memories.
Tasha: I don’t want to talk about it. Just give me space.
After just fifteen minutes of sending the message, I got a phone call. I groaned and grabbed my phone from my nightstand. I answered it and not in a very calming and soothing way. “I told you I want space.”
There was a hesitation on the other end of the line and then his voice came through. “Um…is this Tasha Baker?”
“Yeah!” I quickly stated, sitting up in my bed. I kicked myself for not looking at the caller ID beforehand. “This is Tasha.”
“Hello
Tasha, this is Joseph Mallard.”
I didn’t need to ask who that was, because I knew the name well. “Mr. Mallard. How may I help you?”
I recalled Matt telling me he talked to him and that I should be hearing from him soon. “I’m assuming that Matthew mentioned to you I would be calling.”
“Um…yes…he did.”