“Katie, I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have.”
She spins around and puts her hands on my chest and looks up into my eyes. “Take me home and make love to me, Trey. We can do the tattoo another day... I need you.”
She turns to walk away, and I pull her back into my arms, her back to my chest. I know she can feel my cock digging into her because she presses even harder against me. Fuck, it hurts and feels good all at the same time. “If you’re doing this to hide from me...”
She turns slightly in my arms. “I’m not hiding. I’m going to strip down and let you see it all... but I don’t want to do it here with your coworkers.”
I pull her hips against me. “So a tattoo another day... you promise?”
She completely turns and stretches her body against mine. She leans up and kisses my ear and whispers, “I promise.”
“Fuck,” I hiss. “Let’s go, but stay close or else everyone is going to see exactly what plans I have for you.”
She walks out in front of me, and I stay close. We say bye to Emily, who is still complaining about Dawson, and we drive back to her house. She’s quiet, and I’m hoping that she’s not going to change her mind.
“You’re good with Lane. He really likes you.”
I reach for her hand on the console. I told myself I was going to keep my hands off her on the ride to her house, but I barely made it a block. “I really like him. He’s a great kid, Katie.”
She turns her knees toward me and sits facing me. Even with my eyes on the road, I can feel her watching me. “What is it?”
“Are you planning on having kids one day?”
My stomach turns at the question. I should just tell her and be honest with her now, but I don’t. I’ve never said the words out loud before, and I can’t imagine saying them now. So I say what needs to be said, without actually saying it. “No, I’ll never have kids.”
She leans back. “You don’t ever want kids?”
I can’t look at her. I just shake my head. “No.”
She’s quiet, and before she can ask me anything else, I ask the question that I probably don’t want to know the answer to. “What about you? Do you want more kids?”
She doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes. I want to get married again. I want to give Lane a brother and a sister.”
There’s an instant ache in my chest because I know none of that is going to happen with me. I’d give almost anything to be with Katie and give her what she wants, but I’m not that guy. I can’t be. I try to hide the sadness from my face and give her a small smile. She’s looking out the window now, so she doesn’t see it. “You’re a great mother,” I tell her and then silently add, I’m sure you’d be a great wife, too.
He doesn’t want kids... or a family at all, it sounds like.
The rest of the way home, the car is filled with silence. I shouldn’t ask. I keep telling myself that over and over, but when he pulls into my driveway, I can’t stop myself. I turn in my seat as he takes the keys out of the ignition. I remind myself to keep this light. I don’t want him to think that just because I want to have sex with him that I’m trying to ask for a ring or anything. “So... can I ask...”
I stop when I see his face. He looks guarded, like he’d rather be doing anything except having this conversation. “Forget it,” I say as I get out of the truck.
I walk around, and he meets me in the front. “No, go ahead, ask me.” And even though he’s telling me it’s okay, I can tell it’s not.
I pull back my shoulders. “I’m just surprised, I guess. You’re so good with Lane. I figured you’d want to have children one day.”
He’s staring at me, and I’m so confused by all the emotions that cross his face. There’s so many it’s hard to count, but I know I see longing. He crosses his arms over his chest, telling me just how uncomfortable he is to be having this conversation. With a shrug, he says, “I just don’t. I never pictured myself with kids.”
I search his face. There’s something he’s not telling me. I wait for him to continue, and when he doesn’t, I nod and start to walk up the path to my house.
He reaches for me. “Look, if you’ve changed your mind...”
I haven’t, though. I only met him a month ago, so I don’t know why him not wanting kids bothers me so much. It shouldn’t... but it does. I let him pull me toward him. “I haven’t changed my mind...”