I could barely stop from peeing, I was so excited. Something Cahal had mentioned was TMI when I told him.
“I fear you are starting to slide,” Cahal said as he waited near the window, looking out.
“When we got here, you said I was supposed to feel like this place was a part of me.”
“Correct. It should feel that way. But not the only part of you.”
I dropped my hands. “We’re going to see dragons, Cahal! You yourself said you were excited for the dragons.”
“You haven’t mentioned missing Darius or Penny in a few days.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing he was right. I’d been distracted. Lucifer had been training with me every day, complex magic that bolstered me to the point that I felt like I was flying. And then he’d brought up an actual date for the dragons, which promised literal flight. It had kept all my attention.
“He subtly asked about Durant’s operations yesterday at dinner, did you notice?” Cahal pushed.
I waved it away, annoyed, before strapping on my boot. “Yes, I know. And I informed him that I didn’t know much about Darius’s operations because he never included me in anything.”
“And then he pointed out the secrets Durant keeps from you.”
I threw him an exasperated look. “I caught that, yes. He was correct—Darius has always kept secrets from me. He promised to be totally open when we got together, and obviously that was a big lie.”
A big lie was putting it mildly, since I’d had no idea about Darius’s efforts in the Underworld. Yes, I’d known he was selling or trading magic in the Edges, but his elaborate schemes within the kingdom itself? No. I didn’t even know when he’d had time to do all of that.
“Durant keeping things from you rankles,” Cahal said, trying to work under my skin, much like Lucifer had been doing. It felt like I had two incredibly strong ropes tethered to my wrists, pulling me in opposite directions.
“You already knew that,” I replied.
“But I’ve never tried to use it against you.”
“Because you’ve never wanted anything from me. Until now.”
Cahal turned back as I strapped on my other boot. “I don’t want anything you shouldn’t also want.”
“And what is that? What, in your opinion, should I want?”
“Freedom.”
I shook my head and stood. Freedom. What exactly was freedom anymore? Either I had a vampire trying to control me, or a biological father trying to control me, or the elves trying to torture me, or the fae trying to use me…
Freedom was a pipe dream.
What I needed to do was pick a lane.
But first, I needed to see the dragons.
“Are you coming or not?” I asked tersely. He was really dampening my joy about today’s festivities. Of all the days to knock me off balance…
Could he not have done all this tomorrow?
“Of course I am coming. I will try to help you until you inevitably kill me.”
Rage stole through me, but I forced it back down. “You’re trying to manipulate me, Cahal. You know that I would never kill you. Give me a break.”
“I may have been interested in the dragons on a conceptual level, but they could very well kill me. They do not take kindly to trespassers. That’s the only reason Lucifer is allowing me to join you.”
“Those dragons aren’t going to kill you, you insufferable bastard. You know for a fact I won’t let you come to harm. Stop with all this melodrama and just chill for a while, would you? As soon as I am done learning, we’ll find a way out of here. That hasn’t changed. Penny and the gang haven’t surfaced since the disturbance. They are obviously lying low, which is fine, because it gives me more time to learn. Just let me enjoy today—let me enjoy the dragons.”
“But will you want to leave? Will you allow them to save you, or will you turn them away?”
My level of annoyance with him was reaching an all-time high. I knew where I stood in the grand scheme of things. I knew he cared about me, and that he was trying to pull me back from the edge because he worried I was starting to break. But today of all days…
Honestly, yes. I had to own that a big part of me didn’t want to leave this place. I loved training with Lucifer, a guy that I eminently understood. It had taken some work, but I’d learned how to mercilessly push his buttons. And I delighted in both his rage and his good humor. I saw the balance in him. He hadn’t exactly shown me the darkness within him, but I had a dark side too. I took comfort in that.
Other than that, I just liked the guy. He was fun to be around. His jokes and easy confidence let me relax. Let me be myself. If I felt a sudden urge to destroy something, he barely noticed. That, or he helped make the destruction into a work of art. If I wanted to design a weird new flower for a garden, he worked with me to realize my vision. If I just wanted to hover in the sky and take in the beauty of a sunset, he hovered with me quietly, enjoying it by my side.