Neil: Not sure. It just is. Thanks for that. Now I’m creeped out.
Afric: MayBe the rAnDom caPitalisaTion inDicaTes a PsyChoTic staTe of miNd?
Neil: Will you please stop? I feel like I’m texting a serial killer.
Afric: buT sCarinG yOu iS sO mUcH fUn.
Neil: STOP. IT.
Afric: SorRy caNt. oOh lOok, a sHinY kNife …
Neil: Seriously. Stop.
Afric: Muah ha! Okay, sorry for scaring you. Normal Afric is back. Hello.
Neil: Thank heavens.
Afric: oR iS sHe??
Afric: Tell me something no one knows about you.
Afric: Because I find your secrets fascinating.
Neil: I don’t have secrets. Aside from the one you already know about.
Afric: There must be something. Here’s one of mine: I once fashioned myself an adult nappy out of household items so that I could keep gaming without needing to stop for bathroom breaks. I was trying to break a world record.
Neil: That is … incredibly odd and disturbing. A little gross, too.
Afric: I know. Technically it’s not a complete secret because Sarita and Michaela found out.
Neil: Seriously, Afric, that’s not normal behaviour.
Afric: What about me ever gave you the impression I was normal?
Neil: Okay, I stand corrected. Did you break the record?
Afric: Sadly, no. Some teenager in the Philippines pipped me to the post. Luckily, I’m not obsessed with any games right now, so I haven’t felt the urge to do anything extreme lately. It’s only when I’m obsessed and don’t want to stop that I do crazy things like that. I’ve actually been working on being more moderate with my gameplay. I feel much healthier for it.
Neil: I’m glad to hear it.
Afric: Soooo … have you thought of a secret yet?
Afric: Oh, come on. There must be something.
Neil: There’s nothing you’ll find interesting.
Afric: I find everything about you interesting.
Afric: I’m not sure. Probably because you’re my opposite. Isn’t there something in science about opposites attracting?
Neil: That’s about magnets, not people.
Afric: Either way, it’s true about us.
Neil: We’re not as opposite as you think.
Neil: No. We both seem to enjoy period dramas.
Afric: I’m not sure that one similarity makes us alike.
Neil: It still shows that we’re not complete opposites.
Afric: Oh, my God, tell me a secret right now before I die of frustration!
Neil: Okay, let me think. Far be it from me to leave you frustrated.
Afric: Neil Durant, are you flirting?
Neil: Absolutely not.
Neil: How’s this? Sometimes I browse homes on estate agent websites and imagine myself living there with a wife and kids. Like fantasy house hunting for my fantasy family.
Afric: I think I might cry. That is adorable.
Neil: I am not adorable. Take that back.
Afric: Sorry, I can’t. You’re a fucking adorable man, Neil. It’s a simple fact.
Neil: Um. . .thanks, I guess.
Afric: You’re so awkward with compliments. I love it.
Neil: And you’re annoying.
Afric: So, when you picture your wife, does she look like Annabelle or …
Neil: I told you I didn’t want to discuss her until I get back.
Afric: Okay! Don’t bite my head off. I was just wondering.
Afric: I have a new pet peeve.
Afric: You know when someone gets castrated in a TV show?
Neil: Happy to report I don’t watch those types of shows.
Afric: It usually happens in horrors and thrillers.
Neil: Can I remind you there’s a time difference between us, and I just woke up. Please don’t put me off my breakfast.
Afric: In that case, I’ll apologise in advance because I have to get this out.
Afric: So, anyway, a character gets castrated by some psychopath, then skip to the next scene, and someone’s either cooking a sausage or eating a sausage or slicing a sausage in half. I hate it. I hate it so much.
Neil: Great. Now I won’t be eating anything until lunch. Definitely won’t be touching sausage for a while.
Afric: I’m sorry, but someone had to hear my complaint. I’ll buy you the fanciest breakfast in town when you get back to London.
Neil: I’ll hold you to that … Now you have me thinking about my own TV pet peeves.
Afric: Do tell.
Neil: I hate it when a character wakes up in hospital and pulls out their IV. It makes me feel physically ill.
Afric: Oh, I hate that, too! I feel weak when I see it.
Neil: I also hate it when two characters are so desperate to have sex that they push everything off the table and onto the floor. Makes my skin crawl.
Afric: I could just imagine you losing your stiffy right away if a woman did that. You’d stop everything and get down on the floor to pick all the stuff up and put it back in its rightful place.
Neil: You’re 100% correct. I would do exactly that.
Afric: I know you too well.
Neil: I better go. Duty calls.
Afric: Don’t forget to message me later!
Neil: Okay, so that movie last night definitely wasn’t a romance. What was the title again?