Sidequest for Love - Page 44

Neil: Not sure. It just is. Thanks for that. Now I’m creeped out.

Afric: MayBe the rAnDom caPitalisaTion inDicaTes a PsyChoTic staTe of miNd?

Neil: Will you please stop? I feel like I’m texting a serial killer.

Afric: buT sCarinG yOu iS sO mUcH fUn.

Neil: STOP. IT.

Afric: SorRy caNt. oOh lOok, a sHinY kNife …

Neil: Seriously. Stop.

Afric: Muah ha! Okay, sorry for scaring you. Normal Afric is back. Hello.

Neil: Thank heavens.

Afric: oR iS sHe??

Neil: Afric!


Afric: Tell me something no one knows about you.

Neil: Why?

Afric: Because I find your secrets fascinating.

Neil: I don’t have secrets. Aside from the one you already know about.

Afric: There must be something. Here’s one of mine: I once fashioned myself an adult nappy out of household items so that I could keep gaming without needing to stop for bathroom breaks. I was trying to break a world record.

Neil: That is … incredibly odd and disturbing. A little gross, too.

Afric: I know. Technically it’s not a complete secret because Sarita and Michaela found out.

Neil: Seriously, Afric, that’s not normal behaviour.

Afric: What about me ever gave you the impression I was normal?

Neil: Okay, I stand corrected. Did you break the record?

Afric: Sadly, no. Some teenager in the Philippines pipped me to the post. Luckily, I’m not obsessed with any games right now, so I haven’t felt the urge to do anything extreme lately. It’s only when I’m obsessed and don’t want to stop that I do crazy things like that. I’ve actually been working on being more moderate with my gameplay. I feel much healthier for it.

Neil: I’m glad to hear it.

Afric: Soooo … have you thought of a secret yet?

Neil: No.

Afric: Oh, come on. There must be something.

Neil: There’s nothing you’ll find interesting.

Afric: I find everything about you interesting.

Neil: Why?

Afric: I’m not sure. Probably because you’re my opposite. Isn’t there something in science about opposites attracting?

Neil: That’s about magnets, not people.

Afric: Either way, it’s true about us.

Neil: We’re not as opposite as you think.

Afric: No?

Neil: No. We both seem to enjoy period dramas.

Afric: I’m not sure that one similarity makes us alike.

Neil: It still shows that we’re not complete opposites.

Afric: Oh, my God, tell me a secret right now before I die of frustration!

Neil: Okay, let me think. Far be it from me to leave you frustrated.

Afric: Neil Durant, are you flirting?

Neil: Absolutely not.

Afric: Liar.

Afric: Anything?

Neil: How’s this? Sometimes I browse homes on estate agent websites and imagine myself living there with a wife and kids. Like fantasy house hunting for my fantasy family.

Afric: I think I might cry. That is adorable.

Neil: I am not adorable. Take that back.

Afric: Sorry, I can’t. You’re a fucking adorable man, Neil. It’s a simple fact.

Neil: Um. . .thanks, I guess.

Afric: You’re so awkward with compliments. I love it.

Neil: And you’re annoying.

Afric: So, when you picture your wife, does she look like Annabelle or …

Neil: I told you I didn’t want to discuss her until I get back.

Afric: Okay! Don’t bite my head off. I was just wondering.


Afric: I have a new pet peeve.

Neil: Oh?

Afric: You know when someone gets castrated in a TV show?

Neil: Happy to report I don’t watch those types of shows.

Afric: It usually happens in horrors and thrillers.

Neil: Can I remind you there’s a time difference between us, and I just woke up. Please don’t put me off my breakfast.

Afric: In that case, I’ll apologise in advance because I have to get this out.

Neil: Don’t.

Afric: So, anyway, a character gets castrated by some psychopath, then skip to the next scene, and someone’s either cooking a sausage or eating a sausage or slicing a sausage in half. I hate it. I hate it so much.

Neil: Great. Now I won’t be eating anything until lunch. Definitely won’t be touching sausage for a while.

Afric: I’m sorry, but someone had to hear my complaint. I’ll buy you the fanciest breakfast in town when you get back to London.

Neil: I’ll hold you to that … Now you have me thinking about my own TV pet peeves.

Afric: Do tell.

Neil: I hate it when a character wakes up in hospital and pulls out their IV. It makes me feel physically ill.

Afric: Oh, I hate that, too! I feel weak when I see it.

Neil: I also hate it when two characters are so desperate to have sex that they push everything off the table and onto the floor. Makes my skin crawl.

Afric: I could just imagine you losing your stiffy right away if a woman did that. You’d stop everything and get down on the floor to pick all the stuff up and put it back in its rightful place.

Neil: You’re 100% correct. I would do exactly that.

Afric: I know you too well.

Neil: I better go. Duty calls.

Afric: Don’t forget to message me later!


Neil: Okay, so that movie last night definitely wasn’t a romance. What was the title again?

Tags: L.H. Cosway Romance
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