“I like him.” Garrick’s father was laughing hard when Rain finally surfaced.
“Me too.” Still shaking his head, Garrick captured him for a fast embrace. Again, Rain was this close to saying the words, but they had an audience, and somehow it was easier to joke about a future with kids than to utter three little words.
So he ate his weight in grilled vegetables and watched Garrick and his dad tease each other and let the last of that fluttery feeling drift away. This was going to work out. He might have to learn to ride a horse, but this would work out.
And as the evening light faded, a perfect once-in-a-lifetime central Oregon sunset of pinks and purples, he knew beyond a doubt that he’d found that thing that gave him purpose and made him the kind of happy everyone seemed to want for him and it was right here, the future lurking in each of Garrick’s easy grins and loving looks. He’d spent years searching for the right shiny thing to run toward, but it turned out that what his soul truly wanted was a reason to stay. Everything else could figure itself out in the coming years. He had what he needed, right here.
Garrick’s dad ducked inside to retrieve some marionberry sorbet for dessert. He wasn’t gone more than fifteen seconds before Garrick was stealing another kiss, and suddenly the words came startlingly easy, gliding over his tongue like he’d said them a thousand times before.
“I love you too.”
“Yeah?” Garrick grinned broadly. “Dad didn’t scare you away?”
“Nah. It’s going to take a lot more than some horses to scare me away.”
“Or grandkid talk?”
“Even that. I’m sorry I didn’t say the words earlier when you did. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. More... I’m working on believing that this is going to work out, that I’m actually going to get what I was afraid to let myself want. Trust. It’s hard.”
“I get it. And I’m right there with you. It’s not easy to trust in the future, but I’m trying hard to not let fear hold me back from what my heart truly wants.”
“And it wants me?”
“Always.” This time when Garrick leaned in for a fast kiss, Rain gave a happy sigh and met him halfway. Neither of them might have all the answers, but he did believe with all his heart that they were better together and that his future, whatever it might be, was infinitely brighter with Garrick in it. Loving him was both the scariest thing in the world and the simplest, and like Garrick, he wasn’t going to let his fears stop him from doing exactly that.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Winter Solstice
“Smile pretty,” Garrick’s sister urged from her position by the paddock gate as she held up a camera. Her family had arrived that morning, prepared to stay the holiday week, and Garrick’s dad hadn’t wasted any time in hurrying them all to the barn and horses. Rain was counting down until their solstice party that night, but he hadn’t protested the idea of a short ride. The weather was too perfect to not be outdoors—crisp and clear and cold. Nothing like a soggy Portland winter, that was for sure.
“You sure you’re okay riding double, Rain?” Garrick’s sister paused her picture taking to get that worried-mom furrow to her forehead.
“Yup.” Rain tightened his grip on Garrick’s nephew. Kenny had the youngest in front of him, and it meant something to Rain that Kenny trusted him enough to let him ride with the other kid.
“He’s put in the time this fall, learning the ropes.” Garrick’s dad’s approval felt like the fleece lining of his jacket—warm and fuzzy. Learning to ride had been far more fun than he’d expected, and watching Garrick and his dad bond over the experience had been more than worth a few missteps along the way. “Old Blue stands around and pines for their visits.”
“And the new horse seems to love Garrick.”
“Dad’s retirement program for her is practically a luxury retreat,” Garrick joked, but Rain knew how hard he’d worked with his physical therapy to make riding in the adaptive saddle comfortable. “But Honey’s a great horse. Being able to ride again, that’s been awesome.”
His tone was light, but his eyes were serious, an emotion there that Rain wasn’t entirely sure how to name. It was similar to when Garrick had completed the purchase of his specially modified car, how he’d seemed proud yet vulnerable at the same time. Confident too, the way he talked to Honey now, a cowboy side Rain hadn’t realized he had. And seeing him gain it back, well that had been one of the highlights of the past few months for Rain.
And far from rendering Rain unnecessary, sharing the progression of both riding and driving goals had brought them closer together. He’d wholeheartedly cheered Garrick’s first solo drive, secure in his place in Garrick’s life. It had taken a few months to get there, but he trusted now, on a deeper level than he’d even thought possible.