Feel the Fire (Hotshots 3)

However, maybe he didn’t do the best job at staying in the moment, because as they were cleaning up, Heidi turned to him. “What’s up with you? You were quiet enough at dinner that I wondered if you’d caught a buzz off the wine, and now you’ve washed that pot three times.”

“Nothing,” he said quickly. Probably too quickly. He glanced away even as Heidi made a clucking noise. Over in the living area, Isaac was reading Angelica a story while the boys had disappeared to grab backpacks for going to Tucker’s. No one was that strict about which nights they slept where anymore, but they did usually split the week between the two houses.

“Uh-huh. Tell me another one.” She dried the extra-clean pot for him. Theirs was a comfortable partnership. Isaac cooked. The boys cleared. They cleaned. Even if he did sometimes feel like an outsider, he liked it here, always had. And he and Heidi had far too much history for him to lie to her too long.

“Work stuff. We got a fire behavior specialist transferred up from California.”

“And? Are they horning in on your territory already?” She laughed because she knew all too well what a control freak he could be, how he didn’t like sharing jobs he could do fine on his own.

“It’s Luis Rivera.” He moved on to the next pot, watching the suds swish around instead of waiting for her reaction.

“No sh—crap?” A piece of silverware clattered to the floor. They both bent to retrieve it at the same time, narrowly missing bumping heads.

“Yeah.”

“Oh boy.” Heidi gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “But it’s been what...twenty years. Surely you’ve both moved on. Changed. Grown. No sense in holding a grudge or hurt feelings.”

“You’d be surprised.” He wished the whole world could have Heidi’s optimism and faith in the power of positive change. Her impressive résumé was proof of that belief, the way she never stopped striving for self-improvement. And she always had believed in the best of other people, including him, even when he didn’t entirely deserve it.

“Seriously? He’s still upset?” She shook her head, a few strands of red hair escaping the knot of hair on the top of her head. “You were kids. Younger than the twins are now.”

“Don’t remind me.” Man, he didn’t want to think about that. The memories didn’t feel that far away, still vivid and real. And they might have been kids, but it had been important. Vital. He’d had plenty of other friendships but nothing that seared his chest quite like Luis had. And his reappearance only intensified those memories, made that time feel that much more poignant and significant.

“Maybe there’s still something there?” She turned her attention to wiping down the counters as he loaded the dishwasher with the plates and silverware.

“There is not.” Not likely, at least, the way Luis had been shooting him dark looks all day, like he simply couldn’t believe his rotten luck. “We’re both grown up now. Feelings change, especially when there’s no contact. He’s lived a whole lifetime I have no clue about.”

And damn it, he was irrationally curious about that life, in a way he had no business being. What did it matter to him if Luis had a partner or spouse, pets, a house, all of that, or how his family was doing? Heck, he might even have kids of his own. Tucker didn’t know, didn’t have any right to know, and that both bugged and intrigued him far more than it should have.

“But you want to know.”

“Nope.” His lie was firmer this time, no telltale warmth or wobble to his answer, and Heidi exhaled hard before resuming scrubbing around the stove with extra force.

“That’s probably the right attitude.” Less teasing now, Heidi sounded more pragmatic, which was good. Last thing he needed was anyone pushing a reconciliation of any type. “No sense in rehashing the past, really. He’s only here a few days?”

“Weeks, but yes. Not sticking around.” He needed to remember that, tattoo it on his soul. Luis hated it around here, and no matter if they could find their way back to anything resembling a friendship, it was destined to be short-lived.

“Yeah, no sense in reopening old wounds then. Not like anything could come from it.”

“True.” Tucker nodded and wrung out the sponge. His back tensed—the tight, uncomfortable feeling that had lingered all day. “But... I still feel guilty. Even after all these years.”

“Just treat him like any other coworker.”

“Exactly.” That was the right advice and what he needed to hear. Treat Luis professionally but distantly. No more awkward rehashing of the past. But somehow, he already knew he’d fail because Luis was not simply another coworker. He might be an adult Tucker knew little about, but he was also Luis, the embodiment of all those memories and feelings from so long ago. All the longing and yearning. Tucker wasn’t sure he could figure out how to move forward as if their past didn’t exist, but he needed to try.