“I get it. You’re done waiting.”
“I’m only human.”
Only human. It had made so much sense at the time, his own hurt foremost in his mind, but he’d forgotten somehow that Tucker was too. But now, looking across the table, seeing the pain in Tucker’s eyes, he could own his role in what had happened—he’d been selfish. Maybe shortsighted too. And young. It always came back to that.
“You were disappointed. I don’t think you meant to be...dunno...cruel with what you said. It was just the truth. We weren’t going to make it.”
“Yeah. I never expected you to immediately start dating Heidi though. And maybe that was naive of me.” Talking this out, he could feel the resentment leaving his body, one tense muscle at a time. He’d been deeply wounded by how fast everything happened after their last conversation, but taking responsibility for his own behavior made it hard to keep on blaming Tucker.
“I didn’t.” Tucker’s eyes went wide as his voice dropped even further. “It wasn’t dating. Wasn’t even...the other.”
Luis raised an eyebrow because the mere existence of the twins disputed that.
“It was one time. You and I had argued, and I was crushed—not blaming you, just explaining my state of mind. And she’d just broken up with this total jerk of an older guy. Her parents were out of town, mine were at the hospital still dealing with dad’s condition, graduation had been a total bust for both of us, and we were drinking. Zero tolerance back then. Bad idea, but there we were. And somehow...”
“I see.” Luis had to smile because he could see how that could happen, and honestly, while he had no business caring either way, knowing there hadn’t been some grand romance between Tucker and Heidi helped with the whole letting-go thing.
“Anyway, it would have simply been an ill-advised one-time thing, but...”
“Twins.”
“Yup. We knew there were options, but we were also such good friends, and I wasn’t going to make her do it all on her own or pressure her into another choice she didn’t want to make. Plus, we knew the families were likely to do enough pressuring of their own. So, we did what we thought made sense and eloped. And as bad of an idea as that probably was, I can’t bring myself to regret it. My boys...they’re everything to me.”
“I can tell. And I’m not asking you to regret it.” Luis was surprised how true that was, the weight of certainty pushing out more of the tension he’d been carrying in his back the past few days. “I’m not blaming you either. I need to take responsibility too, but in the end, it was what it was.”
“Yeah.” Tucker exhaled hard, face going slack.
“And maybe it worked out how it was supposed to. God knows I had a lot of growing up to do myself.”
“We both did.”
Luis nodded right as their food arrived, a big steaming platter for Tucker and one of the largest salads Luis had seen. The food was a welcome distraction from the heaviness of the conversation. This was a lot to unpack, truths replacing decades of assumptions, and new, adult understanding replacing adolescent hurt and anger. But he wasn’t sure that letting go of his regrets and resentment was entirely a good thing where Tucker was concerned because with understanding came caring, and that he simply couldn’t have. Healing old wounds presented risks he wasn’t prepared to deal with.
* * *
It was what it was. I don’t blame you. Even as he tried to eat, Luis’s words pranced around in Tucker’s brain, inducing a giddy sort of lightness that kept threatening to overwhelm him. He’d had private guilt and shame pushing down his shoulders for so long whenever he allowed himself to think of Luis that he hadn’t been prepared for the rush of finally clearing the air between them. The acknowledgment that they’d both made mistakes felt like a benediction he hadn’t known he’d been waiting for.
His food tasted sharper, flavors popping in fresh ways, and the background music resonated, like his senses were waking up from a long slumber.
“How are the short ribs?” Luis asked, motioning with his fork at Tucker’s plate. He too seemed lighter, more relaxed now.
“Really good. It’s one of my favorite things to get here because they slow cook them until they practically melt. Here. Try.” He slid a small bite of meat on the edge of Luis’s plate. He was being nice, same as he’d be with one of the boys or Heidi, but he’d vastly underestimated the effect of watching Luis try his food. Luis’s eyes went darker as he chewed with deliberate and rather sexy slowness, making unexpected heat unfurl in Tucker’s belly.
“Yeah, that’s nice. I think the stout really enhances the beefiness. And the fresh herbs add a brightness. I’m going to try getting a deeper sear like this next time I make short ribs,” Luis mused so thoughtfully that Tucker had to laugh.