Feel the Fire (Hotshots 3)

“I can’t,” he whispered, sinking down next to Tucker, because that was as much as he could muster.

Surprisingly, Tucker’s mouth didn’t so much as droop, and if anything, his eyes become more resolute. “I don’t mean right this second. I know you’re likely needed for the fires in California.”

“I am. They’ll need all hands on deck if this drags on. But also—”

“And you have a life there. I get it. However, I’m asking you to think about coming back, and not simply if they ask you to testify in some court case. I don’t want to be a convenient while-you’re-in-the-area hookup.”

“You’re not.” Of that Luis was certain, and he squeezed Tucker’s knee to be sure he knew it too.

“Good.” Tucker nodded firmly, same decisive body language he used at work when it was time to lead. “There’s no sense in pretending this thing between us is only casual. We both know better.”

“Yeah.” His agreement came out on a huff of air. He couldn’t pretend with Tucker, not even when that might make this whole thing easier.

“What I feel for you, that’s real.” Grabbing his hand, Tucker held it tight. And damn, did Luis ever love his hands. Luis might be slightly taller these days, but Tucker still had broader hands, rough, working man’s hands as capable of passion as comfort, able to hold even heavy situations.

“It’s real feelings for me too,” he admitted, clinging fast to Tucker’s hand as an anchor. Even that wasn’t enough to settle the tsunami in his stomach. “But maybe it’s also way too soon to say whether there’s staying power. It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

Tucker gave him a pointed look, narrowed eyes calling Luis a chicken. “You know this isn’t some flash in the pan. Plenty of staying power. If LA was an hour away, you know as well as me that we’d both be scrambling to make this work. And it would.”

Oh, wasn’t that a nice fantasy. He could easily imagine them living in two suburbs, side-by-side maybe. Weekends together checking out local festivals and Luis’s favorite haunts drifting into weeknight dinners, a slow courtship where eventually they’d work out the little details, settle in the middle. He wanted that so much that his jaw clenched, tension radiating all the way down his neck, finding all the trouble spots in his upper back. If wishing was enough, he’d already have that future.

“Yeah, you’re right. It would. But facts are facts, and the distance is a factor. You know it too, or else you wouldn’t be asking me to stay.”

“Yep.” Some of the certainty left Tucker’s eyes. “I mean, perhaps we could make the distance work for a short time while we figure stuff out.”

“We don’t have the best track record when it comes to distance.”

Tucker’s wounded face was punishment for Luis bringing up the hard truth they both knew. “You’re going to throw that in my face now?”

“I’m not accusing you or blaming you. As I’ve said, we were kids. We both made mistakes, but it’s also another fact that the distance played a huge role in why we didn’t work out.”

“I can’t argue with that.” The fading of Tucker’s resolve was an almost palpable thing, and Luis felt its loss on a deep level. He didn’t want to be the downer here. This was one of those times where being a realist fucking sucked.

“And it’s not just us. Distance doesn’t work. It’s why Walker’s so hell-bent on staying local. Everyone knows that either one person ends up moving or the couple breaks up. Usually badly.”

“You mean someone cheats.” Tucker glanced down at their still joined hands.

Luis blew out a rough breath. “You’re focusing too much on the past again. You didn’t cheat, Tucker, and I’m not thinking you would here either. I don’t think you have that in you. I broke up with you first, remember? However, that’s more what I meant—hurt feelings and resentments seem inevitable with distance.”

“You’re right. I hate that you’re right, but you’re not wrong.” Tucker’s shoulders slumped before he seemed to build himself back up, vertebra by vertebra, voice firming back up. “Which is why I’m going out on a limb here, asking you to think about staying. I want to make this work, and I think deep down you do too.”

“I do.” Luis didn’t even have to dig that far to find that truth. And maybe it was time he admitted a truth of his own. Maybe he owed Tucker that much. “And that’s why I want you to go. Come to California with me. You know you’d be in demand for any number of fire community jobs.”

“I can’t do that.” Tucker raked his teeth over his lower lip as he looked away.

“I know. Which is why I didn’t bring it up first, but I still want it.” Man, did he ever. Simply saying the words made his throat burn. “Every bit as much as you want me to stay, I want you to go.”