Off Base (Out of Uniform 1)

“My assistant can make the arrangements for you, but the whole team is excited to meet you, hear more about your research. I know you’ve got your teaching duties—”

“I’m actually off today.” The words left Pike’s mouth without permission.

“Fabulous. It’s still early enough that Petra should be able to get you on a flight into Palo Alto. And you’re from the Bay Area, right? I’ll have her get you a room, so you can take the weekend if you want.”

Mom. If there was anyone Pike wanted to see in his misery, it was his mom. Maybe escaping this place with all its memories of Zack in every room would be healthiest. Get away from the temptation to stalk the hospital. Interview with War Elf, remind himself that he had a future with or without Zack.

“I’ll do it,” he found himself saying, then before he could second-guess himself, he was talking to an efficient woman with a Nordic accent who got him a flight that left in a few hours, and he was rushing around to pack a fast carry-on and get the cats to the vet’s for boarding. At the airport, he finally let himself think of Zack again, sending Ryan a text about where he’d be.

In an ideal world, he’d be spending the weekend at his boyfriend’s side, planning his recuperation, pampering him, but this was the real world, where he had neither a boyfriend, not really, nor a place in his life. But even knowing that, as the plane took off, Pike couldn’t help feeling like he’d left a huge chunk of himself behind.

* * *

Zack got something resembling food for breakfast. Unfortunately, breakfast also brought the return of his parents, each clutching a large coffee and looking ready to spend all day at his side. Goody. His father had exchanged his Bible from yesterday for a political tome celebrating the latest ultra-right-wing presidential candidate. Great upgrade, Dad. Meanwhile, his mother had brought a book of crossword puzzles and kept trying to engage him in helping her, same as she had when he’d had his tonsils out in middle school.

“An eight-letter word for regret?” his mother prompted.

Pike. Four letters that held more regret and remorse than any synonym Zack could think of. Why couldn’t things be different? Why couldn’t Pike be more patient?

You know why.

“Zack? Any ideas? I think it starts with a c.”

“Contrite,” he said automatically even as his mind continued to drift back to thoughts of Pike, where he was right then, if he was thinking of Zack. Man, Zack was even crazy curious about how the cats were doing. He’d forgotten to ask Pike how Nectarine was faring, and he missed both animals and their owner more than he would have thought possible.

“Oh, that’s right.” His mother’s tone was as distracted as Zack felt. We’re a great pair. “I wish your brother could feel some of that. Not a week out of rehab, and he’s tearing around on that motorcycle again.”

“Does he even have a license anymore?” Talking about his brother wasn’t exactly an improvement from crossword clues.

His mother frowned and rubbed her temples. “I thought it was suspended pending his court date, but he says—”

“Mom. You can’t trust what he says.”

His mother turned a wounded eye on him. “Of course I can. I’m his mother. He doesn’t lie to me.”

Mom. We all lie to you. All of us. And that right there was the crux of Zack’s miserable sibling rivalry with Danny—his mother had never once wanted to believe that her baby might lie to her, might be tormenting Zack. But Zack’s bones still ached, and he simply didn’t have the energy for this fight. “Whatever. Hope he doesn’t get pulled over.”

“Me too. We’ve got that bail money on the line.” His father looked up from his book, taking a rare interest in their conversation. He usually left matters with the kids to Zack’s mother. He reached out and patted Zack’s leg, another infrequent gesture on his part. When did his hand get so bony? His hair so gray? “Lucky for us, at least one of you turned out right.”

“Joe. Really.” Zack’s mother made a clucking sound, mad mama duck. “Both our sons are good people. Danny just has...issues. Problems.”

Good people. Would they still think that if Zack told the truth? “He’s got more than issues,” Zack said, determined to pick that fight after all.

“Not everyone can be as honorable as you.” His mother sighed. “I don’t know how I went so wrong with him and so right with you.”

Zack’s throat ached with the need to tell her that she had it all mixed up.

“Never change.” His father patted Zack again. “You give me something to be proud of. Can’t wait to know you’re back out there again.”

Swallowing hard, Zack nodded. I’m already changed. It’s too late. And you can’t see it.