That thought made him choke on his soda. Yesterday he kept expecting a message that it was safe to visit. But you’re the one who told him to make a decision. And Zack was the one who’d pushed him away when he heard his parents... Fuck. This was all such a mess. The house had seemed so large and empty when he got back from Palo Alto without Zack there to fill it, a different loss than when he was away on training.
“Professor Reynolds, where were you Friday?” Suzanne was five minutes early, as usual, but to his surprise when he looked up from messing with the computer Rosemary and Jose were also there.
“I...” Oh crap. He hadn’t prepped for this question. “A friend was sick and...” I dealt with my hurt over not being able to see him by fleeing to the Bay Area for the weekend and interviewing for a job that I’m still not sure whether or not I want. Yeah, I’m a beacon of maturity over here.
“It’s okay.” Rosemary, bless her, bailed him out. “We missed you, that’s all.”
“Oh. Thanks. Professor Hu said she took attendance and then gave you bonus worksheets?”
“Yeah, but I’m still confused about correlation and r-value,” Jose tossed in. “And the homework wasn’t any help.”
Stupid book. Pike turned to the section about correlation and groaned. He had a whole lecture outlined and he kind of hated it already.
“My whole dissertation was on finding significant correlations, and even I’m confused by the book,” he admitted.
“Hey, yeah, Professor Hu said that you really did research on War Elf?” asked Tommy, the kid who always gamed in class. The rest of the class had filtered in, and it was time for class to start, but Pike would rather talk his research than the text.
“Yup.” He turned to the board. “Want to see what I mean about finding correlation? We can consider user habits as a data set.”
He came up with several examples for the class on the fly, trying to discuss the concept of r-value in real-world scenarios. For once, the class was full of questions, and they had a spirited discussion about the difference between causation and correlation and how even an r-value of +1 didn’t mean causation. He was in the midst of laying out another problem for the class when he noticed Professor Crabtree in the back corner. The older woman had been at Professor Hu’s party and mainly taught upper-level college math classes.
Oh heck. His peer evaluation. That was all his day needed. But he was already far off plan. The only thing to do was to continue his example and try to get back on track after this problem. But the class had a lot of questions and the next thing he knew, stopwatch kid, Dwayne, was saying it was four thirty. Time to wrap up and remind them they had a quiz on Wednesday.
Pike watched the class file out, several students giving Professor Crabtree curious glances. She waited until the room was empty to approach Pike at the podium.
“Now, that was...different.”
Cringing, he rubbed his jaw. “We usually follow the book more, I pr—”
“No, you misunderstand me. That was lovely. Spirited. Engaging. And your class clearly adores you.”
“They do?” Pike blinked.
“Oh yes. Cynthia says students are already asking about what you’ll be teaching next term, jockeying to get into your sections.”
Now he cringed for a different reason. If he took the War Elf job, there wouldn’t be any next term for him. The students would have someone new. And why that made his stomach ache, he couldn’t say.
“I can’t wait to see where your research takes you. If you get the full-time position, you’ll be in line for some funding in that direction.”
“That’s...nice.” Pike didn’t really know this woman, but maybe that was a good thing. He needed a shot of honesty right then. “You really think I’ve got a shot at that?”
“Absolutely. You’ve got a gift for teaching.”
“Thanks.” Pike tried to keep the surprise out of his voice.
“Your students know you care, and that makes them want to try, makes them want to come to class. That’s the hardest thing in the world to accomplish—to be able to care and motivate? That’s special.”
Special. Professor Crabtree was talking about students, but an image of Zack sprang up in Pike’s brain. Did Zack know that he cared? He’d made it clear that he wanted—needed—Zack to make some hard choices, but had he done enough to let him know that he cared? Could he have done a better job giving Zack a reason to come out? He’d been so wary of getting his heart broken that he hadn’t really shared that heart with Zack. If he wanted Zack motivated to change, maybe he needed to step up as well. Take a risk.
“Thanks,” he said absently to the professor. They talked a bit more, but even a stack of cash couldn’t get Pike to recall what was said. His thoughts were all jumbled up—the War Elf job versus teaching, the idea that maybe he didn’t suck at teaching as much as he’d thought, and the realization that maybe he hadn’t done enough to convince Zack to fight for them.