On Point (Out of Uniform 3)

“It’s more than a hobby for me. Cooking’s my passion.”

Ben’s passion was being out in the field, but he nodded as he put the car in gear and headed out of Apollo’s neighborhood. “I hear you. I can maybe give you a ride even.”

“Thanks. Camilla offered too, as did Pike. And the other? Come on, I know you’re just waiting to tell me how relationships are a crock and that I should just look for a quick hookup.”

“I’d never make you hook up against you will.” Except I kind of did. Twice. And now I’m going to spend the rest of my life regretting it. “But yeah, relationships are BS. Didn’t Curt cure you of that urge?”

“Nope.” Maddox was maddeningly placid. “We parted friends. I’ll be going to his wedding next year. Went to Grayson’s too. Not their fault that they found better matches—”

“No one’s better than you,” Ben said firmly and meant it.

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to think that.” Maddox laughed, apparently unmoved by Ben’s declaration. “Yeah, I know it’s hard to fathom but some of us actually like being in relationships—”

“I didn’t dislike it,” Ben protested. “I loved my dogs. Miss them so much. And Trey could be fun when he wasn’t being a colossal dick.”

Maddox made a scoffing noise. “Trey was hardly a real relationship.”

“Hey now.” Ben took offense at Maddox’s judgey tone. “Just because we weren’t monogamous—”

“That’s not what I meant.” Maddox’s eyes popped back open when Ben glanced over. “Nothing to do with your sex life. You weren’t partners. You had two completely separate lives—he never made an effort to join your world, and the same went for you. He was never there for you when it counted—long before he took your dogs and cleaned out your bank accounts.”

“I loved him,” Ben said automatically, even though he had his doubts that he knew what love was—was it what his parents had before his mom hightailed it for Utah to find herself? Was it him and Trey young and drunk on a beach? Was it Maddox and Grayson and their puppy love that Grayson ditched for some hipster with a New England accent and pointy goatee? If true love was watching the other person marry someone else and being happy for them, Ben didn’t want any part of it.

“Sure.” Maddox sounded about as certain as Ben felt. “And now you’re going to subsist on a steady diet of casual sex, but that’s not me. I miss being with someone. And I meant what I told Pike. I feel like I got a second chance at life, and I’m not going to waste it.”

“Makes sense,” Ben grumbled as he pulled into his parking space at the apartment complex. “I just don’t think dating’s going to make you as happy as you think. You could wait—”

“Ben.” Maddox touched his arm lightly, making him turn toward him. Maddox’s eyes were deep and serious. “Can you give me one reason why I shouldn’t? One rational reason?”

Ben’s mouth clamped shut. There was nothing rational about what he was feeling.

“Just one reason. Tell me why I shouldn’t do this.” Maddox’s voice was low with an undercurrent of an emotion Ben couldn’t name.

And Ben knew what he could say, what Maddox very possibly wanted to hear, and he still couldn’t make his lips move.

Maddox sighed heavily. “Thought so.” Fuck. The sadness in his voice darn near killed Ben. “Can you get my crutches from the back?”

“Yeah.” Ben managed to get the word out past a throat that was scratchier than a four-day beard. He raced around the car to help Maddox out of the passenger side. “I—”

“Just don’t say anything, okay?” Maddox sounded so weary, as if he might collapse under the weight of the request. He picked his way slowly across the parking lot. “Let’s drop this. I’m going to nap, if that’s okay?”

“Of course.” Ben unlocked the door for him. Felt like Maddox’s homecoming should be more momentous. Hell, should he have been the one to get a banner? Flowers maybe? Fuck. He sucked at this sort of stuff.

And before he could figure out a way to tell Maddox how much the apartment had missed him—a joke maybe—Maddox was headed down the hall to his room, door shutting with a decisive click.

Ben shut the door, letting his head fall back against the cool wood. How in the hell had he made such a mess of their friendship? Were things ever going to be the same? Ben had hoped that by being a better person—getting Maddox cookbooks and distractions and visiting every chance he got—things could get back on an even keel, but all it took was one conversation to derail them again.

Dating. Fuck. He headed to the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge. He took a drink, mindlessly shuffling the pile of mail he’d picked up that morning and dumped on the counter. Two thick blue embossed envelopes fluttered out of the stack. One for him and one for Maddox.