“So how about you give me five minutes?” Ben’s hand snaked lower, reached for the belt Maddox had just buckled.
“I think you should save your next big idea for tonight. We’ll be up to the room soon enough.” Maddox neatly sidestepped him, reaching for his bag.
“I’m going to hold you to that.” Ben laughed, wrapping him up in another hug, this one looser and less seductive. God, but Maddox loved this. Loved Ben being spontaneous and affectionate. Loved looking forward to later.
Camilla had booked the entire wedding party rooms at the hotel for after the reception, not wanting people to have to drive. And if she or Ben’s dad had picked up on him sharing Ben’s room, at least no one had said anything to him about it. Yet. But Ben had acted like Maddox staying too was no big deal, so Maddox was trying to follow that lead. Lord knew Maddox didn’t really want to sleep alone after weeks of being next to Ben.
Please don’t let me ever have to sleep alone again.
As if sensing Maddox’s thoughts, Ben squeezed him tighter. “Think my dad’s still nervous?”
“I’m sure they both are. This is a huge deal for anyone.” Maddox let his head rest against Ben’s. Weddings were a big deal to everyone in the world except Ben. Never getting him up in front of the church, that’s for sure.
“Glad you’re coming with me.” Ben dropped a kiss on Maddox’s head. “You always know what to say.”
“I’m glad I’m coming too.” Maddox’s throat felt weirdly thick. Ben was turning him into an emo fool where any praise at all, any sign that this was going to work, made his heart beat faster and his palms sweat. “You want to rehearse your toast in the car?”
Ben groaned. “What the hell would I do without you?”
I never want to find out. Maddox forced himself to laugh. “You’d be showing up without a gift and winging your speech after two shots of whiskey. That’s what you’d be doing.”
“Damn straight. Thank God I have you, man.” Ben gave him a final squeeze, one Maddox felt all the way to his aching heart, before Ben moved away and grabbed his own bag. “Can’t wait until you’re back out there with me, having my back in the field too.”
Maddox’s teeth clenched and his back stiffened at the reminder that all this warmth and affection from Ben was conditional. What if he needs more than I can give? What then? “Yeah,” he said weakly.
“If you’re not going to let me get lucky, I guess we better hit the road. Let’s get this over with.” Ben led the way to the front door. Maddox followed him on autopilot, head churning. Weddings to Ben were always going to be things to be endured, not things to be celebrated, and nothing Maddox could do was going to change that, just like he couldn’t cure Ben of the pressure to get back on duty. All he could do was love him and hope that maybe someday that might be enough.
* * *
The way Ben figured it, wedding planners had the worst job in the world—all those fiddly, frilly details and all that pretending about ever after when everyone knew good and well what happened to most marriages. Oh, maybe not his father and Camilla—even Ben wasn’t enough of a cynic to see that ending in the same flaming pile of dog shit as his own marriage.
No, his dad and Camilla were all blissful and cuddly as evidenced by how the wedding planner, a slight man in a very purple suit, had to keep pulling them back to earth for such mundane things as pictures.
Pictures Ben would have happily been ten minutes late for had Maddox cooperated with his get-laid-as-distraction plan. Sex with Maddox was better than a double shot of Jack for taking his mind off stressful situations, but alas, Maddox hadn’t been down with that plan, and in fact, had been rather weird on the way to the wedding. Sad almost. And Ben hated that because he’d felt like Maddox was holding something back for a while now, and this just made those worries worse. What if Maddox had just been counting down the hours until their grand experiment ended? Maybe he was planning on letting him down gently after the wedding—
“Let’s get one with only the men over there.” The wedding planner nodded to the photographer, a tall woman who exuded confidence as she lugged her equipment over to the group of palm trees the wedding planner indicated.
The north lawn at the Catamaran resort overlooked the sail boats out on the water, palm trees framing the rows of white chairs awaiting the wedding guests, some of whom had already started to arrive. Inside, the ballroom awaited for the reception. His dad and Camilla had certainly spared no expense for their special day. Never going to shell out like this for a single day. Ben just didn’t see the point—even the money he’d spent eloping to Hawaii felt like an utter waste.