On Point (Out of Uniform 3)

“Go for it,” Pike enthused. “I can read over your loan app if you go for small business financing. And we’ll all help you get it ready.”

“You want to take over the old Moonlight café location?” The LT’s wife must have been listening in, but she was every bit as forthright as her husband, and didn’t apologize for joining their conversation. “That’s fabulous. I know the prior owners. Give me a call tomorrow—I want to help too.”

“Count me in for help.” Zack came over to drape himself over Pike’s back. “After all the rehab we’ve done at our place, we’re good for some paint and stuff.”

“Uh-huh,” Maddox replied, distracted by a pair of broad shoulders near the bar. Close cropped hair, big biceps and—

The guy turned to say something to Rogers, and Maddox’s hopes died a little more. Too young, too short, too sharp a nose. Too not Ben. He’s not coming.

Around him, people were tossing out ideas and offers of help, and Maddox could see his dreams taking shape. He could do this. Have a little bakery, like he’d always wanted. Work in more cooking and business classes as he was able. Have the life and business he’d dreamed about for years.

But not with Ben.

You did this. You chose this. His bum leg ached every bit as much as his chest. He’d severed a friendship with a single selfish action, and he still wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing. He’d chosen himself and his future over what Ben wanted, what Ben needed.

No way forward but to plow ahead. His military experience had taught him how to keep going on even the steepest climb, but it hadn’t given him a blueprint for this. Going on without Ben in his life was going to be worse than a year’s worth of Hell Weeks. But out there in the jungle, thinking that he might die, he’d promised himself to grab life. And that’s what he was going to do, even as a part of him died with every passing minute that Ben didn’t show up.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“You missed a fun time last night.” Rogers, as usual, was running his mouth on the helicopter ride to their latest training exercise in the desert. Ever since another SEAL team had had an accident with a chopper landing last year in the desert, Ben got a little queasy on these rides, and Rogers certainly wasn’t helping matters.

Ben knew perfectly well that most of the team had gone to the bar last night to wish Maddox well on his discharge. Ben had thought about going. Had gotten in the car even. But every time he thought about seeing Maddox, seeing him happy to be leaving the team, Ben hadn’t been able to make himself turn the key in the ignition. Instead, he’d gotten drunk at his dad’s again, a habit he had to break because his dad and Camilla were due back early next week, and he didn’t need endless lectures on his piss-poor coping skills. Last night he’d tied it on a bit extra because he’d had a text message from his mom that he had no idea how to return. All he needed was her adding to his misery.

“Uh-huh,” he said at last.

“Sounds like he’s going to have himself a little bakery. Cute.” Rogers leaned back, no sign of shutting up.

Ben made a warning growl.

“What? I’m just saying, sure is funny. Man could hit any target, and all he wants to do is bake cookies for college students.”

“Watch it.” Not that Ben hadn’t been asking himself the very same question over and over, but he wasn’t about to reveal that to Rogers, and no matter what, he was going to be loyal to Maddox until the day he died.

“You need to lighten up.” Rogers gave him a pointed look as the chopper came in for a landing. The team disembarked, dragging their equipment and supplies with them, working as a well-oiled machine, even if Ben felt like they’d lost their most important cog.

“Tovey. Hang back,” the LT barked after the chopper took off.

“I’m not lifting anything too heavy,” Ben said as he approached the LT’s side. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“And yet I do,” the LT drawled. “Such as the fact that you’re hungover today. Again. What the hell’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.” Everything.

“Don’t bullshit me. You’ve been in a state since Horvat left, and your personal life is your business—”

“Thank you, sir.” Last thing Ben needed was to have to account for his relationship right now. That would be Maddox’s worst nightmare come to life. And wouldn’t that be ironic—being called on the carpet for something he’d lost before it ever really started.

“But you were missed last night. You’ve got to move on.”

“I’m trying.” Ben went for honest. “But it’s hard.”

“You can repair your friendship on your own schedule.” The LT nodded like it was a given that Ben would be doing any such thing. Ben’s back muscles tightened, knowing there was nothing salvageable from the wreckage that was his relationship with Maddox. The LT continued gesturing at a clump of SEALs that included the team’s two newest members. “But I want you to take McGinnis tonight. You’ve barely said two words to the kid, and he’s gonna get a complex. You’re a chief now, and I need you act like a leader again.”