“Show me what I can do.” Ben wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.
“Give him the cleanup,” Pike suggested.
“He’s better at making messes,” Zack said under his breath as Pike dragged him toward the door.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Text me later, let me know if you need anything. Anything.” Dylan followed them out, and then it was just Ben and Maddox standing there, looking at each other, neither speaking.
Some others were still working and Maddox was dimly aware of their voices, but it felt like he and Ben were alone on a dark stage, spotlights turned on them, only neither of them knew the lines they were supposed to say.
“I’m good for some trash duty,” Ben said at last.
“There’s a dumpster out back. We need all the demo picked up so that tomorrow can be paint and floors.” It was easier this way, to focus on the task at hand, to not demand to know what Ben was doing there, what they were doing.
“You’ve got it.” Ben gave him a grateful, tentative smile that did something to Maddox’s hardened heart.
Over the next hour, they worked side by side hauling out broken 2x4s and pieces of dry wall, sweeping up the demolition mess as the rest of the work party drifted away, until it really was just the two of them, a lot of unsaid words, and a pile of empty pizza boxes.
“This is the last of it.” Ben hefted the stack easily, no sign of shoulder injury now. Tossing the boxes in the trash dumpster, he returned to the back door where Maddox was still trying to decide what to say.
“You heading out?” he asked, because apparently that pissed-off tone was about all he was capable of right then.
“I’m not sure what the heck I’m doing.” Ben came in and sat down on an upside-down bucket.
Upside down was exactly how Maddox felt—he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Ben express doubt before. Ben always had a plan, a way forward. His confidence was as much a part of him as his brown hair. And seeing him without that brashness was more than a little unnerving.
“That makes two of us,” Maddox admitted. “Why’d you show up tonight? Guilt? Because I’ve got this handled. Plenty of help. Not sure who told you different—”
“It’s not guilt.” Ben sighed, scrubbing at his head with dusty hands. “Or at least not only guilt. I came to say sorry, but now that I’m here, I don’t seem to have any more words than I did in the car. Thought maybe I’d see you and I’d magically know what to say to make things okay again. The way they used to be.”
“You want to be friends again?” Maddox slumped against the wall opposite Ben. God, he wasn’t sure he could do this. Wasn’t sure he was strong enough to be Ben’s friend.
“Well, it’s a start.” Ben gave him a crooked smile that Maddox didn’t return. “We were always friends. Right? From the start, it was just us, a pair of buds, back before—”
“I was always attracted to you.” Maddox was done pretending, done with years of holding this in. He wasn’t going to let Ben write their history. “Always. But I had Grayson. And then you had what’s-his-name before Trey. And then I had Curt and you had Trey. The timing was never there and it was the world’s most inconvenient crush, and we served together, and it was all so freaking complicated. But it was never just a simple friendship for me. Not sure that I know how to be ‘just friends’ with you.”
“I’m sorry.” Ben looked down at the plaster-splattered floor. “I’m sorry that I didn’t know. Sorry that it took me longer to get there. To see you—us—that way. All I knew was that one day my life didn’t have you in it and the next thing I knew, you were the most important person to me. Our friendship...you were everything to me, and I didn’t know how to process that knowledge. So I told myself that you were my best friend. And for years, that worked. That was your slot—”
“I’m not sure I want a slot.” Maddox wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not.
“I’m trying here.” Ben leaned forward, all earnest concentration. “You were my best friend, and I used that as a...shield, sort of. It was easier to be your buddy than to admit that I was hopelessly in love with you.”
Maddox inhaled swiftly. “You’re—”
“Still trying. Don’t interrupt because I’m not sure I can string together all these words again.” Ben laughed nervously. “I was in love with you, and I’m not even sure for how long or when it started because all I knew was that it was getting harder and harder to keep you in the friend zone. So I told myself that it was just sex. Like you and your inconvenient crush. Just an attraction that I needed to get out of my system.”