At Attention (Out of Uniform 2)

“Please. Just talking. There’s some stuff I need to tell you, and I wasn’t sure you’d take my call. And I needed to see you in person.”

Dylan wasn’t sure whether he would have answered the phone either. In their time apart, he’d come to realize exactly how deeply he loved Apollo, and that had only strengthened his resolve that he wanted a true relationship of equals—he couldn’t risk being the one who cared and loved deeper.

Across the field, Ben gestured at Dylan’s stuff, eyebrows raised in clear question. It wouldn’t be fair to make Ben stick around. “Fine. You can give me a ride. But no promises.”

“Fair enough.” Apollo gave him a tentative smile, one that Dylan couldn’t quite return yet.

After grabbing his stuff, he jogged back to where Apollo stood. He looked damn good in civilian clothes—faded jeans and a blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

“So what’s up?” he asked as they headed down the path that led back to the parking lot. Dylan figured there was no need to make small talk, not when his heart was galloping like an angry stallion finally set free of the stable.

“Well...” Apollo rubbed his face. “I was wondering if you might want to come someplace with me.”

An outing? Where was Dylan’s apology? An explanation for the past few weeks? “Where?”

“I’m getting a new tattoo. Right here.” Apollo pointed to a bare patch of forearm.

“A new tattoo? But you said you were never getting ink again...”

“I said a lot of things.” Instead of heading straight for the cars, Apollo kept on the path, eyes forward, not on Dylan. “A lot of things I need to apologize for, actually.”

“Go on then.” Dylan’s throat was wool-blanket thick, but he wasn’t letting Apollo off the hook so easily.

“I’m sorry that I treated you so badly. Sorry that I was too scared to see what was right in front of my face. Mainly sorry that I kept you waiting so long. It’s not too late, is it?” Apollo sounded so genuinely panicked that Dylan had to laugh.

“No, it’s not too late,” Dylan admitted. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself to let the hope monster out of its cage. “But I’m not going to lie about the waiting being easy. It sucked. And I can’t do it again. Can’t do the hot-cold thing we did all summer with you running and me chasing. I won’t go there again. I’m finally sleeping again after weeks of not, and I’m starting to find a life again with the soccer team and my new friends. I’m not ready to go back to that limbo land place if you’re not sure what you want.”

“I’m sure. I want you. Us. And I don’t want you going through hell, not ever again. I’m so sorry. For everything.” Apollo’s voice broke, and he still wasn’t meeting Dylan’s eyes. “I let you think this was all on you, when really I was just as invested as you, but I just couldn’t let myself see it. And I took it out on you—”

“You did,” Dylan agreed.

“And that wasn’t fair. I should have just faced up to my stupid self—”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re quite so bad. Tell me about the tattoo?”

“Well...” Apollo finally looked over at him, wariness in his eyes that Dylan hadn’t seen before. “It’s a puzzle piece.”

“A puzzle piece?” Dylan wasn’t sure he followed.

“Yeah.” Apollo’s strides lengthened, almost as if he might be as nervous as Dylan. “A small one. I’ve spent the last two years searching for a map. Or maybe a flowchart. Something to make sense of my life again. But now I realize...there is no map, just a puzzle to solve, one with jumbled pieces.”

“And you’ve solved it?”

“Not hardly.” Apollo’s laugh was warm, blanketing him like a favorite jacket. “But you, see, you’re an edge piece.”

“An edge piece? Like a corner?”

“Exactly. One of those pieces that helps you make sense of all the other pieces and start to put the puzzle together. One of the pieces you might not even realize you were missing until you started trying to sort things out. I’ve got so many other pieces—the girls, my family, the SEALs—and somehow you bring it all together. Help me balance it out and make sense of where the pieces are supposed to go.”

“I do?” This gesture was so achingly sweet, it was making it hard for him to resist risking his heart again.

Apollo nodded. “You do. And I wanted something to remind me of that. Even if we’re just friends, even if you move on, I want to remember that you showed me what was missing from my life.”

“I don’t want to move on,” Dylan admitted, grabbing Apollo’s arm to slow him down, move him to the side so some joggers could pass. “I think we’ve both got some...puzzle-piece sorting to do, though. See where we fit together. If we fit.”