It doesn’t make sense.
“Freshman year was such a blur. Sometimes, I’m not sure how I made it through without flunking out and losing my athletic scholarship. I partied too much and at one point, stopped attending classes.”
My mind tumbles back to our first year at Western. Every weekend, Brayden was out partying, living it up. Girls hung all over him and there was always a smile plastered across his handsome face as if he were enjoying his college experience to the fullest. It was easy to arrive at the assumption that he was just another obnoxious athlete, content to sit back and soak up all the adoration his position on the team afforded him. I attended every home football game. He performed on the field as if life was perfect. If he hadn’t told me about this tragedy, I would never have suspected that Brayden was drinking and sleeping around in an attempt to numb his grief.
But that’s what people in pain do, right?
They ignore it. Bury it. Find things to make them forget. I’m guilty of doing the same. The only difference is that I threw myself into soccer. I also had to be strong for Lucus.
It’s only now that I realize he isn’t the fuck boy I originally pegged him to be. I’ve spent the last three years despising the dark-haired football player and doing everything in my power to avoid him. It’s jarring to realize that I just might have to alter my perception.
“Look, Sydney, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I guess your behavior makes a lot more sense.” He tilts his head. “I could never figure out why you hated me so much.”
I release a steady breath, unsure how to respond. When he squeezes my fingers, my gaze drops to them, surprised to find his larger hand still holding mine.
“If it were possible to go back and change the past, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“If we could go back and change the past,” I say lightly, “I think we’d both change more important things.”
His expression turns somber as he nods. “You’re right, we would.”
Thick emotion wells in my throat until it becomes unbearable. Brayden and I have conversed countless times before, but this is the first time it feels real. Like we’ve inadvertently stripped away all the pretenses we usually arm ourselves with. It’s a disconcerting sensation and I’m not sure what to make of it.
“Do you think it’s possible for us to start over with a clean slate?” he asks quietly.
My teeth sink into my lower lip as I slowly turn the idea over in my head. Can I really say no? Even more telling than that, I don’t want to. My heart goes out to Brayden for the loss he suffered. “Yeah, of course. Let’s forget about it.”
He nods. “Good.”
Even though I’m not ready for our relationship to morph into something new, it feels like we’re entering uncharted territory.
Chapter Fourteen
Sydney
“Coach and I were going through game film yesterday,” Demi says as we move across the cement path that cuts through campus on our way to class. “I think USC will be tough to beat. They’re more prepared than they were last season. Plus, they recruited a star player from Connecticut. Even though she’s a freshman, the girl is insane.”
I nod, attempting to focus on the upcoming game. Like Demi, I met with Coach yesterday to pour over game film. On every team, there are always a couple players that we need to watch out for. So far this season, USC has won all their conference games. Demi’s right, it’ll be a tough match, but I think we’re prepared.
“Now that Annica is out with an injury, the team is gelling better and we’re more focused.”
When the auburn-haired girl came in as a freshman two years ago, Demi took our younger teammate under her wing. They were an unstoppable duo on the field. But then jealousy got in the way and Annica did everything in her power to rip Demi down. Not only did she attempt to turn the younger girls against her, but the little bitch went after all the guys Demi spent time with. Just when you thought that Annica’s behavior couldn’t sink any lower, she took it a step further with those rumors.
I’ve never been one to put too much stock in karma, but in the end, that girl got exactly what she deserved. And that would be a broken ankle from a night out drinking. Now that she’s no longer on the field, causing havoc, most of our younger teammates have fallen into line. Without Annica constantly talking shit and stirring up trouble, there’s once again peace in the kingdom.
“I overheard Coach tell the trainer that Annica’s doctors aren’t sure if she’ll be able to play at the same level she did before the accident. It’ll take a lot of physical therapy and hard work on her part to even have a shot.”