Frustration bubbles up inside me as I realize that this little demonstration has changed nothing. We’re exactly where we started, and that’s back at square one.
Unable to release her, I yank Sydney into my arms before wrapping them around her body. For a sliver of a moment, she stiffens before melting against me. It’s yet another confusing piece of evidence that doesn’t make sense.
“You have to know that I won’t give up without a fight.”
The disheartened rush of air that escapes from her lips tells me that she does.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Sydney
Lucus speed walks into the ice cream shop and beelines for the counter to stare at the blackboard of flavors written in colorful chalk. Since they haven’t changed from the first time we came here and my brother never deviates from his favorite, most people would find this behavior odd. I don’t, because I realize that it’s all part of the ritual. Instead of hurrying him along, I stand at his side and pretend to peruse the menu as well. I’m more of a wildcard when it comes to ice cream. One Tuesday, I’m rocky road, and the next I’m strawberry chocolate swirl. It used to drive Lucus a little bit crazy. He likes consistency and routine. When circumstances abruptly change, it can throw him off and agitate him. Although, I think he’s come to expect this behavior from me, so it no longer bothers him.
When Brayden and I were together, Lucus was the one who invited the handsome football player to join us. Even though I wanted him to tag along, I wouldn’t have imposed someone on Lucus. At least not so early in our relationship. And Brayden understood that. Just like he understood everything else about my life. A little bubble of grief bursts inside me like an overinflated balloon. I don’t think the sorrow will ever go away. Not fully.
What transpired on Friday in the classroom after accounting shouldn’t have. All it did was give Brayden false hope that it’s possible for us to find our way back to each other. In the end, it won’t help either of us move on with our lives.
After approximately five minutes, Lucus places his order for triple chocolate fudge brownie. He’ll be a little hyped up afterward, but that’s all right, since I’m dropping him off at home for Mom to deal with. The thought brings a slight smile to my lips. Before each outing, she sits down with Lucus and shows him a menu of all the different flavors he can choose from. None of which have chocolate.
It never works.
I order pistachio. Once we’re handed our cones, Lucus eyeballs mine with disdain.
“It’s green.”
“Yup.” I take a lick. “Tastes pretty good.” I hold out my waffle cone. “Want to try?”
His face scrunches with disgust. “No, it’s green and you’ve already licked it.”
I shrug and take another swipe with my tongue before pointing toward a booth in the back corner. It’s the one we always gravitate to. Once settled, Lucus tells me all about his week. Everything that happened at work along with the girl he’s now in love with. His eyes spark with genuine happiness as he reminisces about how much he enjoyed tossing around the ball with Brayden at the stadium. For him, it was a highlight he won’t soon forget.
He shifts impatiently on the bench seat. “When can we do that again?”
Unsure how to respond, my gaze drops to my ice cream. Even though the answer is never, I’m reluctant to admit it out loud. At least not yet. “I’m not sure.”
“Can Brayden come over and visit?”
It’s been more than a week since the breakup, and I’ve been hesitant to mention it to my family. I’m hoping they’ll just forget about him or assume our relationship fell by the wayside. It’s not like it hasn’t happened dozens of times before. My brothers like to joke that I go through guys like most people go through underwear. Another fan favorite is that they both have milk sitting in the fridge that’s lasted longer than some of my relationships.
Ha-ha.
Those two are a real comedic duo. They should take their act on the road.
It’s not that I don’t think Lucus will be able to process what a breakup means. I’m more afraid of the blunt questions he’ll fire off in an attempt to understand. I was hoping that with enough time, my brother would forget about Brayden. I should have known better. Lucus finds a way to work him into almost every conversation.
The thought of telling my parents the real reason we broke up makes me sick to my stomach. There won’t be a choice in bringing up the accident. Under normal circumstances, it’s something we all go to great lengths to avoid. When we reminisce about Peter, we talk about the good times, not the mistake he made that ended his life. My parents would be heartbroken if they ever discovered Brayden’s connection to our family.