She bit her lip, her eyes racing with thoughts.
Agreement. Denial. Followed by reality.
Sleep for me would come at a price for her. And she’d already paid far too much.
Finally, she sighed. “Where will you go? Which room?”
“The dorm.” I squeezed the back of my neck, my hand coming away wet. “I can’t sleep in any of the other rooms.” I grimaced, giving her honesty because that was what she deserved. “They were guest rooms. I, ah...I can’t relax in them, not after what they did to us.”
She braced her shoulders. “I’m the same. That’s why I chose the conservatory. It’s the only place I like. The bedrooms give me the creeps.”
I chuckled, but it came out morbid and sad. “Maybe next summer, we’ll just sleep outside. That would be better.”
I cringed against the flicker of surprise on her face. A lot of incredible things had happened between us tonight but the mention of another season, another year spent living with me had shown where her thoughts still resided.
She might’ve accepted me, but she hadn’t accepted that this was her home now.
She will.
We have time.
“Sleep outside, but not together,” she murmured, avoiding any mention of how many years I intended to keep her chained to me.
“No, not together.” I sighed and stepped toward the house. “Good night, Gemma. Thank you...for everything.”
She shrugged and shook out the towel, wrapping it around her. For a moment, she looked as if she’d argue and follow. I honestly didn’t know what I’d do if she did. But then she swallowed and arched her chin, bowing her head regally. “Good night, Kassen. I hope you sleep well.”
I nodded.
I drank her in one last time.
And then, I walked away.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
SO...
I groaned.
Oh, God.
I flopped onto my back after tossing and turning all night, staring at the new sun through the conservatory glass ceiling. My mind hadn’t shut up. My thoughts were on a racetrack full of him and us and sex.
God, the sex.
Every part of me was hypersensitive, humming for him, wishing he was beside me to take me again and again and—
Wow, you are in soooo much trouble, Gem.
I wedged my knuckles into my eyes, groaning all over again.
This was bad.
This was very, very bad.
I dropped my hands and bunched the blankets keeping me warm and cozy on the floor. I twisted the expensive bedding, unable to lay still.
How had this happened?
How had I allowed this to happen?
A crow landed on the ceiling, its talons tapping against the glass, its intelligent eyes glaring at me as if it judged me just like I judged myself.
I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut, only for my head to be full of him again. His shyness beneath his savagery. His curiosity beneath his cruelty. His inherent need to take care of me after treating me like a monster.
I’ve lost my damn mind.
I shook my head on my stolen pillow.
No, I hadn’t lost my mind.
I’ve lost my heart.
I gasped and jackknifed up.
Kassen Sands—my kidnapper, tormentor, and friend?—had finally decided to rip away his darkness and prove I was right all along.
A kind and wonderful man existed beneath all the scars and secrets. A good and caring man who had undeniable skills—beaten and groomed into him—at making me shatter.
He was every power and pain combined. When he touched me, everything inside me answered. When he dropped his guard and spoke to me, every piece of me stilled and quieted to listen. And when he drew me a bath and washed my hair and fucked me as if he loved me, nothing else had existed.
Nothing.
Just him.
And me.
Just us.
We were stripped back to basics, and in that emptiness, I’d been slapped right in the face with horror.
I’m in love with him.
I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it.
“Argghhhhh!”
How had I gone and done something so stupid?
I’d already fallen for this man before. I’d fallen for the broken parts of him, the timid parts of him, the parts so deeply buried beneath his many, many psychological wounds that I doubted I’d ever see his true personality without his many ingrained faults.
It’d been painful enough to fall in love with a creature that couldn’t help itself. It’d been a constant bruise as I’d listened to his nightmares, found his dormitory, and burrowed deeper into his past.
But now?
God, now...that platonic, remote kind of love had exploded into something entirely out of my control.
I hugged my pillow, rocking it, probably looking half-crazed.
And I was crazed.
I was mad.
Nuts.
A lunatic.
Because I’ve fallen in love with the man who imprisoned me.
I sucked in a shaky breath, feeling a new kind of space. An awful sort of openness inside me, just waiting to fill with everlasting love for the very same man who’d done such bad things to me.
I squeezed my eyes closed, blocking out the light. Heaven forbid I’d actually fallen in love with a man I could never take home to meet my family. Who would never survive in society. Who would change my destiny from the successful career and cruisey existence I had planned into one full of arguments, complications, and a whole valley full of issues.