Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame

She frowned as she tried to follow him. For a moment she even wondered if he was going to confess to having been in love with her all these years. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’ she asked, her heart beginning to chug in dread.

His throat moved up and down convulsively. ‘Keira, I am in love with someone, deeply in love with them, the way I wanted to be in love with you but could never be.’

Relief deflated Keira’s chest. ‘That’s great…that’s really great. I told you, Garth, I’m thrilled for you. Really thrilled.’

‘He’s a man.’

Keira’s eyes widened. ‘You’re…you’re gay?’

He nodded. ‘I’ve been struggling with it since I was fourteen or so. I haven’t told my parents yet. Can you imagine what they’d say? I’m their only child, the only son to carry on the Merrick name. Since I was born they’ve had it all planned out. I’m expected to settle down and get married, and yet I am never going to give them the grandchildren they so desperately want. That’s why I’m moving to Canada. I just can’t bear to tell them face to face.’

‘But what has this got to do with me?’ Keira asked. ‘I mean I’m fine about you being gay, really. It’s not as if it’s a choice, right?’

He shook his head. ‘I wish it was…I really do. It would have been so much easier all round if I had fallen in love with some nice girl like my parents wanted. I tried many times. I’ve slept with several women but it just didn’t feel right.’

‘Garth…’ She moistened her desert-dry lips. ‘About that night…the night we slept together…’

His eyes met hers, the pain in them unmistakable. ‘We didn’t sleep together, Keira.’

She blinked at him, her heart coming to a standstill. ‘You mean we didn’t have…have sex?’

A dull flush flooded his cheeks. ‘You had been sick all over your clothes so I helped you have a shower and put you to bed while I washed your things. I had nowhere else to sleep so kept to my side of the bed.’

‘But you said we—’

‘I know what I said. When Patrizio arrived I was angry at him for hurting you by having an affair. Of course I didn’t realise until a couple of days later that he hadn’t been involved with that woman but by then it was too late.’

‘But…but why didn’t you say something?’ she asked. ‘Why let me believe for all this time that I had a one-night stand with you?’

‘I thought I was doing you a favour,’ he said. ‘You were so upset when you came around that night. You said you hated Patrizio and wanted a divorce. Later on when I’d thought about it a bit more I came to realise it was probably just a heat of the moment thing on your part, but when the newspapers got wind of it I couldn’t retract what I said had happened.’

‘But why not?’ she asked, her expression contorted with anguish.

He gave her an agonised look. ‘Keira, my father had promised me a generous financial hand with setting up my furniture design business; it was a chance to take my designs overseas. I knew that if he found out I was gay he would withdraw his offer. The press did me a favour by naming me as the man who was your lover.’

‘But what about what it did to me?’ Her voice came out as a tiny croak of despair.

He swallowed again. ‘I didn’t realise until a few days later what it had done to you. Like you, I was convinced Patrizio was having an affair. I thought I was helping you by teaching him a lesson.’

Keira was still trying to take it all in. ‘But that night…the bed was…I was sure we’d…you know…been intimate….’

‘I wanted you to believe that; I thought I was helping you as well as me.’

She looked at him, her mind reeling, the blood roaring in her ears. ‘I didn’t do it…’ she said, her voice sounding as if it were coming from a long way off. ‘I wasn’t unfaithful to Patrizio…All this time I’ve hated myself for something I didn’t even do…’

‘Please forgive me,’ Garth said. ‘I have been such a coward about this. But all that is going to change now. I talked to my partner, Mark, about it. Once we’ve had our commitment ceremony in Canada we’re going to tell my parents about our relationship. Mark also helped me to see I had to fix things for you. That’s how I came up with the idea of contacting Jamie and Bruno.’

Her eyes came out on stalks. ‘It was you?’

‘Yes. I heard you had been unwell for weeks and I suspected that deep down you were unhappy about splitting up with Patrizio. I wasn’t sure if it would work but I had to give it a try. The boys were great about it. Bruno was convinced it would work. He said Patrizio hadn’t got over you. He was sure he still loved you but wouldn’t admit it.’

‘But aren’t you forgetting something?’ Keira asked. ‘Patrizio won’t take my word for it. I don’t even remember that night.’

‘That was probably because of the narcotic painkillers I gave you,’ he said. ‘I didn’t realise you shouldn’t have them with alcohol but by then it was too late. Mixed with even the smallest amount of alcohol they have an amnesiac effect. You didn’t drink much but it must have been enough to knock you out for the count. You went to sleep and I couldn’t wake you for hours.’

‘And Patrizio saw me in your bed.’

He flushed again. ‘I know. I should have told him the truth but I wanted him to believe you had slept with me. I wanted everyone to think I had slept with you to take the heat off my relationship with Mark. I was so confused. It’s taken me years to accept my sexuality. I’m sorry, Keira. I hate to admit this, but even if I had known you weren’t really serious about breaking up with Patrizio I probably wouldn’t have come clean until now. I had too much at stake. It was only when you told me you were pregnant and you thought it could be mine that I realised I would have to eventually tell you the truth. This morning’s paper made me realise how hard this has been, not just for you but for Patrizio as well. That’s why I am here now.’