Untouchable (Untouchables, 1)

An idea bursts open inside of me, unsettling my tummy, but I open my mouth and let the words tumble out before I can stop myself. “Since when has me not wanting it ever stopped you? If you need to fuck someone and you’re not willing to wait any longer…” I trail off, swallowing, unsure what exactly I’m suggesting or how he’ll receive it. Part of me thinks he might tire of working so hard for me, but hell, it’s not like he’s a piece of cake, either.

His predatory instincts surface and he rolls me onto my back, moving on top of me. “Go ahead and finish that thought, princess. If I’m at a party with some girl who’s ready to go, I should, what? Leave her there and come see you? What if once I’m there, you tell me no?”

“Take it anyway.”

My heart gallops, giving him permission like that. We don’t have any kind of system set up where I can interrupt if no really does mean no that time, no safe escape if I want out of the moment. There is none of that with him, so it’s more dangerous to set him loose. He could potentially end up forcing me to do something I really don’t want to do, and even if I want it now, there’s no way of stopping him later if I change my mind. I have a feeling he only needs one yes, and telling him “no” ten thousand times after that would fall on deaf ears.

His voice is low, but so intimate, my bones turn to jelly as he murmurs, “Yeah? Even if I think you mean it?”

It was a terrifying ledge to tiptoe up to, a deeply buried truth I didn’t want to confess, but now that we’re here and I’ve already taken the leap, I feel bolder, freer in telling him the twisted truth. “Even if I mean it. I would rather you force me than sleep with someone else. I know you’d take care of me after, if something went wrong. Whatever happens between you and me, I can handle. I just don’t want you with anyone else.”

His fingers burrow into my hair as he cradles my head, pulling me in for a soft, tender kiss. I’m vulnerable in the wake of such an admission, so I drink in the affection like it’s the drug I need to live. When he ends the kiss, he stays close and murmurs huskily against my lips. “Do you know what you’ve done, princess? You just gave me the keys to the kingdom. There’s no stopping me now.”

I swallow, so aware of the truth of that statement. I knew that when I said it, though. I may not be ready to trust him with my heart again, but I do trust him with my body. I’m not afraid he’ll break that.

“I know,” I answer, softly, meeting his gaze. “I don’t want you to stop.”

For a moment, he just looks at me. As he does, he soaks up every last doubt I might have about the choice I just made, the big and the small. He might like to call me his plaything, but he doesn’t look at me like a toy. He looks at me like a treasure. Like the heavens opened up and dropped me into his lap, and he’s forever grateful for the gift, even if he doesn’t express it with words. Even if his way of loving is sometimes brutal and scarring, even if he is more predator than prince, somehow he is the perfect fit for me.

I don’t know what that says about me, but I don’t really care, either.

“I love you, Zoey.”

My heart gives, then flies high in my chest. I’ve never really expected to hear those words from his lips, and certainly not on this fucked up time table where we’re not even together. It doesn’t matter, though. We don’t have to be together to love each other. I have a feeling none of the rules of ordinary relationships will ever apply to us, unless we want them to. Whatever cloth he’s cut from, it’s not a normal one, and that’s fine with me. I love his abnormality. I love him just the way he is.

Smiling softly, I reach out and push a hand through his hair, guiding his face close to mine again. I kiss his lips tenderly a few times, then I tell him, “I love you, too.”

Chapter 49

Everything calms down after I give Carter the keys to the kingdom. He no longer has a reason to storm the castle gates, so he lets my life return to normal. No more terrorizing the people in my life to force me to come to him and bargain, no more insane rumors to try to force me into isolation. He treats my admission like a victory, and maybe it is, but it’s one I can live with.