Can't Fix Cupid

Except...it’s not.

It’s really, really not.

Because instead of my perfect pink Lust, I hack out a mist of lavender that smells like rotten eggs.

Katie and the nerd’s face both scrunch up with disgust.

“Eww!” Katie screeches. “Your breath is rank!”

Her shrill voice echoes down the hall, causing several people to look around and laugh.

“It’s not that bad,” I argue.

The nerd takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes since my Lust Breath was apparently bad enough to make them water.

I don’t understand… My body is turning more cupid, my powers working better than ever, so what the hell is going on?

I try it again, just to make sure, but it just happens again. Nerd boy starts gagging.

“Ugh, stop doing that!” Katie says, plugging her nose.

“My breath doesn’t normally smell like that,” I insist.

They both look at me like, don’t even try, bitch.

Touché.

“Here, you need this more than I do.” Katie pulls out a piece of gum and shoves it at me before walking away.

The nerd shakes his head at me like he’s very disappointed in me for pulling him into this whole ordeal.

“I apologize,” I say. “Please carry on.”

He walks away from me so fast that his pocket protector falls to the floor. He doesn’t even come back for it. That’s how much he fears my rotten egg breath.

I hightail it out of there with my cheeks flaming red in embarrassment, confusion swirling in my head, and fucking Katie Asspants Welsh’s gum stuffed in my mouth.

Karma and I are going to have a very long discussion the next time we meet.

I expect to have difficulty when I get to Warren’s building, but to my surprise, as soon as I give my name to reception, security lets me right up the elevator to the executive offices.

The real trouble comes with his secretary.

Ruby eyes me like she wants to toss me into her paper shredder. The industrial sized one. She isn’t playing around.

“But I already told you...he’ll want to see me,” I argue. “If you could just tell Warren that I’m here—”

She cuts me off. “I’m sorry, Miss…”

“Valentine,” I supply.

“Miss Valentine. I’m sorry, but Mr. Knight is very busy. I’m afraid you’ll have to make an appointment,” she says with a sickly sweet and totally fake smile.

I sigh. “Ruby, can’t we just skip the whole female-versus-female thing?” I ask her. “I mean, this is the twenty-first century. Women have banded together now. We don’t let men dictate our lives or pit us against one another anymore. We’re stronger together. Chicks before dicks. Ovaries before brovaries. Bellas before fellas. Besties before testes,” I list off. “Let’s toss away the old society’s behavior of patriarchal pessimism,” I say, slamming a hand down on her desk with conviction.

Wow. Bea and Blue are really rubbing off on me.

But Ruby doesn’t look impressed in the slightest by my awesome pro-women speech. In fact, I’m fairly certain she just pressed the button on her phone to get security to come up. Rude.