Strong Enough

“I’d love that. What time were you thinking?”

“How’s seven?”

“Perfect. That gives me time to get a run in after my class.”

“Great. You know, we should run together sometime.”

“That sounds like fun.” She paused. “Wow, you sound so much better than you did Saturday night.”

Could she tell what an effort it was? “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Sounds good. See you then.”

This was it. One last-ditch effort to be someone else.

My phone was still in my hand when it buzzed with a text from my sister.

Hey!! Just wanted to let you know it went really well with Maxim last night. He’s such a hard worker! LOL you should have seen his face when I handed him his cash at the end of the night—it was like I gave him a million dollars!

At the sight of his name, I felt guilty. I’d have to tell Maxim what I was doing with Carolyn. Not because I’d made any promises or anything, but because we’d left some things up in the air last night, and I didn’t want to string him along. He deserved to find someone braver than me. Is he working tonight?

Three little dots faded in and out as she replied. Yes. I’m picking him up at 3:30. He tried to tell me he’d take a bus. This was followed by laughing emojis with tears.

I’d have smiled, but I couldn’t. Are you able to bring him home?

She replied with a thumbs up.

For a few minutes, I sat there staring at my phone, trying to think of what I was going to say to Maxim, how I was going to explain it. For all I knew, he wouldn’t even care.

But as I made the call, my gut told me he would.

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s me.”

“Hi.” He sounded so happy to hear from me, I cringed.

“What are you up to?” I asked lamely.

“I’m walking to Western Union right now. I found a location only two kilometers from your house. My mother called at three A.M. this morning to let me know she had wired my savings.”

I love the way he says kilometers. “Good. That’s good.”

“Yes, and I made a list of things I need to do after that. Aren’t you proud of me?”

Oh fuck, that’s cute. “Yes. What’s on the list?”

“Open a bank account, apply for a credit card, buy some clothes.”

With all the turmoil last night, I’d forgotten to give him the things I’d purchased. Now I wasn’t even sure I should. “Good thinking.”

“How is your day?”

Terrible. “Good.” I frowned. “Maxim, I just wanted to let you know, I’m taking Carolyn out tonight.”

Silence. “Oh.”

“I wanted to be honest, because you were so compassionate during our conversation last night. I decided I’m not really into letting things go any further with us. I just can’t.”