Relief rushed through me. “Carolyn, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ve had fun with you. And I don’t want you to be a stranger, either.”
“I’ve had fun with you, too. And I wish things were different.”
“Me too. Who knows, maybe in another life, we’d have been more than friends,” she said airily, tucking her hands into her back pockets. “But this life is what we have, and I’d like to spend the rest of mine with someone crazy about me.” She smiled ruefully. “Just have to find him first.”
“You will. You’re fantastic, Carolyn. And some lucky guy is going to cross your path and fall hard for you. I know it.”
“Maybe.” She shrugged, but she looked happy at the thought. “What about you?”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. “What about me?”
“You okay with this?”
“Of course. To be honest, I felt the same, but I didn’t want to say anything without giving us a fair chance.”
“We had a fair chance. It just wasn’t meant to be.” She hesitated, like she wanted to say more and wasn’t sure she should.
“What?” I prompted.
She tilted her head. “Can I say something? It’s kind of crazy, and I could be wrong, but it’s been in the back of my mind for two days, and I don’t want to offend you, but maybe it—”
“Carolyn.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I might be way off here, but I sensed something between you and Maxim Saturday night. Maybe it was all in my imagination, but—”
“It was,” I said quickly. “You’re way off.”
She flashed her palms at me. “Like I said, I could be wrong.”
“You are.” I needed to get out of here. The back of my neck was burning hot, and I was afraid my face was giving me away. I was not prepared for this. “I should go.”
Her face fell. “Okay. I’m really sorry, Derek. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just know how hard it is to find someone you have chemistry with, and you mentioned you were struggling with something, and I thought—”
“You thought wrong.” I took a step back. “But it’s okay. I’m not offended.”
“Good. Well…goodnight.”
“Night.”
I stepped off her porch and headed down the front walk, feeling her eyes on me. She knows. It was obvious, and she knows. But how? No one else had said anything! Then again, no one else had been focused on me romantically, or paying close attention to me like she had been. Plus Carolyn was smart and intuitive. She’d probably noticed me staring at him Saturday night, maybe even tonight. I hadn’t been careful enough.
Suppressing a groan, I got into the car and started it up, more conflicted than ever.
Damn you, Maxim. Damn you for coming here and fucking with me like this. I had a plan, and you derailed it. Maybe I made the first move—and the second—but why’d you have to give in to me so easily? Why didn’t you shut the door in my face? Why did you let me do that to you?
I drove home, angry and confused and less sure than ever that I wouldn’t try to do it again tonight.
In fact, I was fairly certain I would.
Twenty-Two
MAXIM
I had no right to be angry. I knew that. Rationally, I knew that Derek had every right to say no to being with me and go on a date with Carolyn. Or with anyone.
But did he have to bring her here, where he knew I’d see them? Where I’d have to watch him pay her all the attention I wanted from him? Where I’d be forced to face the reality that he didn’t want me enough to get over his fears? That I wasn’t enough?