“You didn’t get much sleep last night. And you’ve spent a lot of time away from the ranch on my behalf. I don’t want to interfere with your work.”
His frown turned to a scowl. “I’m perfectly capable of handling my responsibilities at the ranch. If you want me to leave, just say so. Don’t make it sound like you’re doing me a favor.”
She was a little hurt by his sharp tone. Instinctively she took a step back from him. “I didn’t mean...”
Shane reached out to catch her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just...well, it isn’t easy for me to keep pretending. It’s hard enough for me to deceive my family...my dad. My friends. I didn’t even like seeing Cam with his arm around you today, knowing he had no idea you and I are more than pals.”
Her teeth gripped her lip again. Shane was starting to sound both impatient and possessive. How could they possibly keep this affair quiet if he acted that way? And yet she still panicked every time she thought about telling his family. “I asked for time,” she repeated. “There’s just too much going on for me to deal with right now. My father...Christmas... Maybe we could just sort of postpone this until after the holidays.”
“‘Postpone this?’” Shane repeated, his eyes narrowing, his voice going ominously quiet. “I’m not a dental appointment that you can simply reschedule for your convenience.”
She was making a mess of this. Everything she said seemed to make it worse. “I wasn’t trying to insult you. I just—”
“You still aren’t willing to take a risk on me,” he cut in flatly. “You’re convinced that everything’s going to go wrong between us and that you’re going to be thrown out of the family or something equally ridiculous. Why can’t you trust me that it won’t happen that way?”
She shook her head stubbornly. Shane was making her fears sound groundless. Foolish, even. She thought he was the one being unreasonable by not acknowledging the very real basis for her concerns. Had he learned nothing from Cameron and Amber? “You can’t know that It’s still too soon to know what will happen between us.”
“Especially when you keep pulling away without giving us a real chance to find out,” he retorted.
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him. “It’s just so complicated.”
“Because you’re making it that way. We’re in some weird limbo—we aren’t exactly family, but we can’t tell anyone we’re lovers. I feel like I’m having an illicit affair, which is crazy, because there’s no reason we shouldn’t see each other openly.”
Kelly thought again of the pain in Amber’s voice. The regrets in Cameron’s eyes. The discomfort in their friends’ faces when they’d tried to socialize with both of them. “I have my reasons.”
“And I’m supposed to simply go along with them?”
She lifted her chin. “Not if you don’t want to. We could go back to the way it was before. Forget any of this ever happened. No one will ever know there was anything between us. Nothing has to change.”
Shane was staring at her now in open disbelief. “Kelly, everything has already changed. I’m never going to see you as a cousin again. I can’t go back to kissing your cheek and pretending I don’t want a hell of a lot more.”
She blinked back a film of tears, mourning the loss of that easy, very special friendship. Afraid to risk losing even more.
Shane reached suddenly for his jacket. “I’d better go, before this ‘discussion’ turns into a quarrel.”
She watched a muscle jump in his jaw. “You’re angry with me, aren’t you?”
“I just think it would be better if I leave now.”
“I don’t blame you for being annoyed. I realize my fears sound unreasonable to you. If we could just talk about it a little longer, I think you’ll understand why...”
“I think we’ve talked enough tonight. I really need to go now.”
“Why is it so hard for you to admit when you’re angry? Wouldn’t it be better if we talk about this?”
She didn’t want him to leave mad. The holiday gatherings were rapidly approaching, and she and Shane would be expected to behave the way they always did. How could they pull that off if they weren’t even speaking?
“Why don’t we just ‘postpone’ that talk?” Shane shoved an arm into his jacket.
“Shane, you’re obviously mad at me. Why won’t you admit it? Stay and talk about it?”
“I’m not mad,” he said from between gritted teeth.
She was both baffled and exasperated by his behavior. “You have a real problem acknowledging anger, don’t you? Someone once asked me if I’d ever seen you lose your temper, and I said no. Maybe we should...”
“I do not want to talk about it.” Shane had his coat on now. The look he gave her glittered with the temper he seemed unwilling—or unable—to express. “Why don’t I call you tomorrow, after you cool down?”
“After I cool down? Shane, you...”