“She still won’t give us a fair chance,” he blurted in frustration. “Just because we have a family connection, she’s afraid it will ruin everything if we start dating. She thinks if something goes wrong—and she’s convinced it will—she’ll lose her friendship with the family. She said it’s inevitable that she’d be the one pushed out because I belong in the family and she doesn’t. She said it will be too awkward for everyone if she stays, and then she’ll be all alone. I keep trying to tell her how ridiculous that is. This family’s crazy about her. Even if she and I have problems—and I’m not so sure that’s going to happen—it won’t change the way anyone feels about Kelly.”
Jared leaned back against a support beam, his arms crossed over his chest. “You really don’t understand why she’s worried?”
“Not entirely. It just seems so unreasonable.”
Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, Jared shook his head. “You remember when you were a teenager, after you came to live with me, those times when I would make you mad? You know, times when you wanted to stay out past curfew, or when I made you come inside to do your homework when you wanted to ride your horse?”
Though Shane didn’t know what that had to do with this conversation, he nodded. “I got annoyed at times, but all teenagers do, I guess.”
“You never lost your temper. You never let me see how mad you were. You just swallowed whatever you wanted to say and did whatever I asked.”
“You’re complaining about that? Wasn’t that what you wanted from me?”
“What I wanted was for you to trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t stop loving you if you lost your temper. I might have yelled at you or grounded you or whatever I thought was appropriate, but I would never have stopped loving you. I would never have sent you away.”
“I know that.”
“Did you know it then? After all those years with your mother, when I wasn’t there for you, did you really trust me to be on your side even if you misbehaved?”
Shane frowned. Had he been afraid his father would stop loving him if he caused any trouble? Several of their relatives had expressed surprise that he was such an obedient, good-natured teenager, especially after his difficult childhood, but he had deliberately chosen to follow the rules. Living with his father had been a dream that had sustained him during the first twelve years of his life. He had never taken that good fortune for granted, had never risked screwing it up.
“Maybe it took me a while to feel completely secure after we got together,” he admitted slowly. “But deep inside, I knew you would never send me back.”
“You found that security because I’m your father. Because we’re family. You knew that nothing you could do, no matter what, could make me push you away.”
“Yeah, I guess I figured that out pretty quickly.”
Jared nodded. “Kelly doesn’t have that reassurance. Her father never cared enough about her to even visit her when she was a kid. The extended family she’s found for herself since—Brynn, the Walkers, the D’Alessandros—none of them are really related to her. She doesn’t have the bonds of blood and history that you have. She really is on her own if her ties to us are broken.”
“But...”
“As for whether she should have confidence in you... Have you ever told her exactly how you feel about her?”
“She won’t let me,” Shane said defensively.
“Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough. Maybe you’re a little afraid yourself.”
Shane winced.
“You said she’s asked you several times why you won’t show your anger,” Jared continued. “Maybe it isn’t just your anger she’s afraid you’re hiding from her. Maybe she feels like you’re keeping too much of yourself hidden from her. Maybe she’s afraid that if you can’t even tell her when you’re annoyed with her, there’s a chance you won’t be able to share your other feelings with her, either.”
Moving very slowly, Shane set the broom back in its place. “I haven’t looked at it that way. You think when she pushes me to talk about my anger, she really wants me to talk about everything I feel?”
“Women like to have things spelled out,” Jared explained with a slight smile. “You should have heard Cassie urging me to be more open about my emotions when she and I were just getting together. It wasn’t something I was particularly comfortable with, and it’s still not always easy for me to express what I’m feeling. But it was something she needed from me, and I tried to accommodate her. And I found out that it’s better to get everything out in the open.”
Shane rubbed his chin. “So it would be a good thing for me to tell you I was really mad that you spent so much time on a ship when I was a kid?”
Jared’s eyebrows rose. “If that’s what you feel, you have every right to say so.”
“And you remember that time I wanted to stay out all night after the high school homecoming game and you made me be home by 1:00 a.m.? That really torqued me off.”
“I see. Well...”
“And when I wanted to spend a summer hitchhiking across country with Scott, and you told me you’d lock me in a closet first, I—”
“Okay, you’ve made your point,” Jared cut in. “But watch your mouth. I can still send you to your room.”
And he would probably go, Shane thought with wry amusement. But he would know even then that his father still loved him. “It’s cool, Dad. I got over it.”