Goodness, she was tired. Not so much from all the activity of the day, which she was fairly accustomed to as the mother of an active five-year-old. This weariness was mostly mental and emotional, though it seemed to spread throughout her limbs.
She toyed with the thin gold bracelet on her right wrist as she looked at Adam. “So, are you sorry you came back today?”
“I have to admit it didn’t turn out the way I expected,” he said with a dry smile. “I honestly never imagined Simon would take things into his own hands the way he did.”
“How could you have?” She pushed her hair behind one ear and asked starkly, “Did you consider staying away until after we’d left?”
“The thought might have crossed my mind,” he admitted with a gusty exhalation.
Even though the answer didn’t surprise her, it still stung. “Then why did you come back?”
He gestured with one hand, indicating in that one sweeping motion the landscaped grounds, the few guests within sight, the buildings and pools and courts and ocean. “This is where I belong,” he said simply. “For now, anyway.”
It was still far from a commitment to his job, but like his assurance to Simon earlier, it was as close as she’d heard from him. Maybe he was ready to accept more permanence in his life. Maybe he was learning to battle his old demons successfully and make decisions based on what he wanted, not what he was willing to settle for. It was a philosophy she advocated to her patients, one she’d had to learn for herself in order to find happiness and fulfillment. Adam seemed to be moving in that direction, and she wanted the best for him.
Maybe someday, she thought with a pang, he’d be ready for even more commitment. A wife, maybe more children. He had plenty of time to consider those things. As for herself—well, may
be her close-to-perfect son and her exciting new career path would be enough. At least for now.
“We could go back to my place,” he suggested. “Talk some more.”
She hesitated, then grimaced, remembering kisses that left her mentally staggering and almost incoherent. “You know what happens every time we end up alone together.”
His eyes glinted. “I meant just to talk. But...yeah, I know.”
Joanna was sorely tempted, but she made herself stay strong. “I don’t think that’s a good idea tonight.”
“My brain gets that.” He reached out to run the back of one hand along her cheek. “Other parts of me are a little slower to catch up. Being this close to you always seems to do that to me.”
A smile played on her lips despite herself. She covered his hand with hers. It would be so easy to lose herself in his arms, let the world slip away in a haze of desire and pleasure. It wouldn’t solve anything, but oh, it would be so good!
He brushed his smiling lips against her own. Once. Twice. And then neither was smiling as he drew her back into the shadows and the kiss deepened. Heated. Came so very close to melting any last ounce of willpower she had. Every inch of her yearned for him. Every cell responded to him. And that response made her groan into his mouth as she tried to find the strength to resist him. To resist her own traitorous body.
She wished very much that she could forget her better judgment for just one night. But she couldn’t. Not while she was so defenseless against him.
She put a hand on Adam’s shoulder, applying just enough pressure to let him know she needed him to give her some space. Which he did immediately, though with reluctance.
She stiffened her knees as she frowned up at him. “What do you want from me, Adam?”
He exhaled hard and moved as if to reach up to his neck. Perhaps realizing what the gesture told her, he dropped the arm to his side again. “I’m not asking you for anything. I’m not denying I’m attracted to you, but then, that’s always been the case.”
“So you want sex, then.”
He frowned but answered evenly enough. “Well, I wouldn’t fight you off if you dragged me into the bushes, but I wasn’t really expecting that, either. It was just a kiss, Joanna.”
She pushed a hand through her tousled hair, shaking her head slowly. “I’m sorry. This whole situation has been...difficult.”
“Yes.”
“It’s clear enough that I’m attracted to you, too,” she said, knowing it would be both foolish and unreasonable to deny the obvious. “Great sex was enough last time. But it can’t be enough now.”
He nodded, his face set in hard lines. “Because of Simon.”
“Partially. But also because of me. Because I don’t want to be hurt. And you could hurt me, Adam.”
As she’d expected, he looked appalled by the suggestion. “I would never hurt you.”
“No. Not deliberately.” She gave him a shaky smile, opting for candor. It was the only way they could go on from here, as coparents, maybe even as friends someday. “You underestimate your appeal, Adam. It wouldn’t take much to make me fall for you, and I know that’s not what you want.”