She held up both hands in an instinctive attempt to hold him off, though he’d made no attempt to move closer. “I know there’s attraction between us. I think it’s more than obvious I feel it, too. But I know myself too well to think that would be enough for me in the long run. I know you worry about commitments, Adam. I even understand why. I won’t ask you to make one to me for Simon’s sake. I’ll make sure you see him as often as you want, whether you move to Seattle or—” she swallowed before finishing “—or whether we need to figure out other arrangements.”
“Joanna.” He moved then, taking her hands in a grasp much gentler than his determined expression might have indicated. “You really think this is all about Simon?”
Feeling as though the lump in her throat just might strangle her, she had to swallow hard again. “I think it’s all tangled up together,” she whispered. “Understandably, of course.”
His brief laugh was not exactly amused. “For a fancy psychologist, you really don’t know everything I’m thinking.”
She sighed. “That’s hardly a shocking insight. I almost never know what you’re thinking.”
“Well, let me tell you, then. I’m not confusing my feelings with you for what I feel for my son. Yeah, I’m crazy about that boy. Have been from the start. Partly because he’s mine, but also because he’s one great kid. And I want to spend as much time with him as I can, do the things good fathers do with their sons, though God knows I’d have to learn that on the job since my own never taught me. But when I think about a future with him, it’s not complete unless you’re in it, too.”
Both his voice and his face softened when he murmured, “During the past three weeks, I missed you both so much I could hardly think straight. But it was you I saw everywhere I looked. Your face I saw when I closed my eyes.”
This, she thought dazedly. This was the answer to his question about what she wanted from him. What she needed so desperately from him. But did she really have the courage to let herself believe his seemingly impulsive declaration was real? Lasting?
It might tear her apart if she embraced a future with Adam only to have him walk away again. And after a lifetime of worrying about others, after five years and four months of fiercely protecting her son, she couldn’t remember ever being so afraid for herself.
“Adam—”
She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but she was so wrapped up in the intensity of the moment that she jumped half a foot when his phone buzzed again, vibrating furiously on the wooden table, demanding his attention.
“Damn it!” he said explosively. Maybe he’d been almost as startled by the sound. He snatched it up.
“You should answer it,” she advised, secretly—or probably not-so-secretly—grateful for the respite. “If they’re calling this repeatedly, it could be important.”
“It had better be.” He lifted the phone to his ear and barked at it, “What?”
Joanna saw his face go suddenly still, maybe even a little pale. The change in his posture made her realize that he was getting very bad news, indeed.
“Where is he now?” she heard him ask, shaken. “Is he going to be okay?”
And then his tone became brusquely efficient. “Yeah. I’m on my way. Call Walt. And tell Phil and Jean to stand by. We’re going to need them. I’ll meet you at the hospital and we’ll take it from there. I’ll keep my phone on, so call me whenever anything crops up. Keep me updated, Tamar, will you? Anything you hear.”
“Tamar?” she asked when Adam lowered the phone. “Isn’t that Trevor’s assistant?”
He nodded, his expression stark. “Trev’s been in a motorcycle accident. It’s bad. He’s going into surgery now.”
“You have to go.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah. There are a ton of things that have to be seen to at the resort until Trev’s back at work.”
She noted he’d spoken those last words with a fierce certainty, as if he could will his friend to recover fully. She hoped he was right. She liked Trevor, and she knew how much he meant to Adam.
“I’ll help you gather your things,” she said, turning toward the bedroom. He’d brought in his overnight bag so he could shower while waiting for the pizza delivery. He’d left it open on the bed.
Adam followed her robotically, stepping into the bathroom to collect the few things he’d left there. She spotted one of his socks halfway across the room and his belt dangling off one side of the nightstand. Her cheeks warmed as she remembered the urgency that had sent both their clothes flying. She moved around the room, making sure she had everything before carrying it to the bag.
She heard his phone ring again, and she looked up anxiously. He came back into the room with the phone at his ear, and she could tell by what he said that the caller was Walt, and that there was nothing new to report.
Juggling the phone and a few toiletries, Adam reached for his duffel bag, cursing when he knocked it off the bed. Clothes and other supplies spilled across the floor. The clumsiness was so unlike him that Joanna knew it was a sign of how worried he was.
“I’ll call you from the road, Walt.” Adam put away the phone as Joanna bent to stuff his things back into the bag. “Thanks, JoJo. I should pay more attention to what I’m doing.”
She watched him stash the rest of his things in the bag and close the zipper. “I hope you’ll drive carefully,” she fretted. “It’s going to be the middle of the night by the time you get to the hospital, and you’ve already had a long drive today. You’re distracted by worry, and you’ll want to be on your phone. You can’t help Trevor if you’re stuck in another hospital somewhere.”
“I’ll use a headset and keep my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road. I’ll be okay.”
She pushed a hand through her hair. “I was in mommy mode again, wasn’t I?”