She studied him in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve decided to help you.”
There was something decidedly surreal about calmly discussing the making of a child as if it were just another business transaction, Cecilia thought a very short while later. She and Geoff had moved to the living room to continue their conversation. As she had led him in, she had tried to hide the fact that her knees had gone suddenly weak when he had announced so abruptly and unexpectedly that he had decided to help her conceive a child. Now she wondered if he had referred to his earlier offer to help her financially with the process of artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization, rather than a more, um, active role in the conception.
“When you said you’ve decided to help me, what exactly did you mean?” she asked, deciding that the best way to clear up the confusion was simply to ask.
Geoff had settled onto the end of her couch closest to the chair she had chosen for herself. Clean shaven and casually dressed in a green polo shirt and pressed khakis, he looked relaxed enough sitting there facing her, but she could see the faint lines of strain around the corners of his mouth, indicating he wasn’t quite as casual about all this as he seemed.
He leaned slightly toward her as he spoke. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about what you said this morning. You said you aren’t sure you want to marry at this stage in your life—and I understand that completely. As I told you, I’ve been under a lot of pressure to get married, and it doesn’t interest me now, either. I just don’t want to make myself answerable to another adult when it already seems like I spend my whole life trying to please too many people.”
“That makes perfect sense to me. I’ve felt that way many times.”
He nodded. “So you understand that my first reaction when you made your request this morning was negative. It seemed as though you were asking me to take on the responsibility for two more people—a child and its mother.”
That brought her chin up. “I thought I made it clear that I take care of myself—just as I intend to take care of my child.”
Geoff held up a hand in a conciliatory gesture. “I said it seemed that way at first. The more I thought about it, the more I decided I believed you when you said you had no ulterior motives.”
She wasn’t sure if she was pleased that he had come to that conclusion or still rather insulted that he’d ever doubted her. “You decided correctly.”
“I’m prepared to help you get what you want, but not quite the way you outlined it this morning. I have a couple of conditions of my own.”
She frowned warily. “I told you this morning that I’m prepared to sign anything you want. Have your attorneys draw something up, if you like. I don’t want a penny of your—”
He shook his head and held up a hand again, looking impatient this time. “Just listen, okay?”
Clenching her hands in her lap, she nodded.
Geoff rested his forearms on his thighs as he leaned even closer to her, his expression grave. “Women aren’t the only ones with biological clocks, you know. I wouldn’t mind having a kid, either, preferably while I’m still young enough to throw a ball or go for a hike or teach my child to swim and ride a bike. And since I’m in no hurry to marry—and I don’t see that changing in the foreseeable future—your idea sounds like a solution for both of us.”
She could feel the tension mounting inside her as she considered the ramifications of his words.
“I don’t want to make a child and then walk away from it, in fact, there’s no way I’m going to do that. But what I would consider is a joint custody arrangement. We have a child, and we raise it together…sort of.”
“That isn’t—” she cleared her throat “—that isn’t at all what I had in mind.”
“I know. You were hoping to raise this child completely on your own. I think I’ve made it clear I’m not interested in that sort of arrangement. But think about it, Cecilia. I’m offering the best of both worlds. A father for your child—an active father, not just a sperm donor. Financial assistance. Someone to turn to when you need to talk about a problem.”
“But I—”
“I wouldn’t interfere with your personal life,” he assured her quickly. “And I’m still going to be on the road a lot—that’s the nature of my job—so you’ll still have the bulk of the day-to-day responsibilities of child rearing. But I can promise that any time you need me—any time my child needs me—I’ll move heaven and earth to be there.”
Her fingers knotted, causing her knuckles to ache with the strain. “I don’t know, Geoff. What you’re suggesting means you and I would be involved, at least in some ways, for a long time.”
“Eighteen years, at a minimum,” he agreed evenly, and she noticed that his left hand went to the back of his neck in the gesture she already recognized signaled his tension. This wasn’t easy for him, either, she realized. “When you think about it, it’s not really much different from divorced parents who come to an amicable agreement about joint custody. It’s actually better for us, because we’d skip the ugly fighting and breaking-up phases and go straight to the point where we work out a plan that’s best for our child.”
Our child. The words seemed to echo in the room, and for the first time it felt as though they were discussing more than a hypothetical possibility. This was real, she thought dazedly—or it could be. He was offering her exactly what she wanted, though certainly with a few complications she hadn’t expected. And now she wondered if she had let impulse lead her into making a huge mistake.
“Well?” Geoff prompted, studying her face as if trying to read her thoughts.
She gazed back at him and suddenly found herself picturing a little boy with Geoff’s clear hazel eyes and thick, brown hair. A little boy who would probably love to have a dad—just as Eric would have given anything as a boy to have a father in his life, she realized abruptly.
Maybe she had been selfish in wanting to deny her baby a father. And yet she doubted that Geoff would be as actively involved as he rashly predicted in the excitement of the moment. Once the novelty of the idea wore off and the reality of diapers and colic and tantrums and daily worries set in, Geoff would probably disappear—as had the men in her past. As he’d said himself, he traveled a lot, anyway, so she wouldn’t have to worry about him being too visible in her life. And she would have the baby she had dreamed of for so long.
She couldn’t deny that Geoff’s genes were certainly arranged in a spectacular pattern, she thought, eyeing him with a silent sigh.
“This is the only deal I can offer,” Geoff said when she continued to stare at him. “We compromise—or we forget the whole thing.”