Although Geoff called Cecilia on Saturday, as he had promised, he didn’t come by to see her at all. He was snowed under, he explained, playing golf with his father and some potential investors, followed by a business dinner, followed by a consultation with his father and some of the other Bingham Enterprises executives about the upcoming, though still tenuous, fund-raising trip to Boston.
She had plenty to do to keep her busy while Geoff was otherwise occupied. Housework, shopping, that sort of thing. One thing she wouldn’t think about today was that trip to Boston he had mentioned, she promised herself. While she knew Geoff’s time here was limited, and that once he left for the next extended business trip their affair would most likely be over, she didn’t want to dwell on that just yet.
He had sounded busy, she thought, glancing at the phone. A bit harried. But there had been something more in his voice. Something that sent her intuition into overdrive.
He’d been acting rather oddly ever since they had left his grandmother’s house last night, she reflected, wandering aimlessly around her house in search of chores with which to distract herself from his absence. Replaying that lovely dinner in her mind, she couldn’t imagine what might be bothering Geoff about it.
Unless seeing her there had made him realize exactly how different they were, after all? Wasn’t that something she had been too keenly aware of since the beginning? Geoff had always acted as though the differences in their ages, incomes and social backgrounds didn’t bother him, but maybe he’d just never pictured her at his grandmother’s table before.
Or maybe she was being paranoid, she told herself with a scowl, and maybe he was still hurting from his close contact with the pavement.
Still…
It wasn’t as if she had ever implied to Geoff that she wanted to be a part of his family. Just the opposite, in fact. She’d turned down several invitations to join them for various occasions, accepting yesterday’s dinner invitation only because he had given her little other choice.
She had promised him that she wasn’t angling for marriage or commitment. Just a baby. And while her feelings about those things might have undergone a few changes during the past weeks—as well as her feelings for Geoff—she was still resigned to the reality of raising their child alone. As contentedly alone as she could manage, anyway.
She just wished she knew what was worrying him so she could reassure him. Once she managed to reassure herself, of course.
Geoff was called out of town on Sunday. He explained to Cecilia in a quick telephone call that he would only be gone for a couple of days this time, that it was a business fund-raising opportunity he simply couldn’t let pass. Something about a science foundation grant for research that had just become available—he’d been rather sketchy in his explanation.
As disappointed as she was that he’d had to leave, and as bewildered as she was by the fact that the trip had come up on such short notice, she told herself she should use this time to get used to his absence. She had a busy schedule of her own. To be honest, having him underfoot would have been inconvenient.
Nice speech, she told herself as she stared glumly into the mirror on Tuesday morning before work. Too bad she didn’t believe it.
She was fully capable of living without Geoff in her life. She was even capable of being happy again on her own, as she’d been for the most part before that reception at the clinic. But she missed him. Much more than she had ever expected.
He called her that evening from Maryland, and this time she had no doubt that something had changed in his behavior toward her. For the first time ever, their conversation was stilted, their silences awkward.
She wasn’t sure if Geoff simply wanted to end the relationship
now or if he was sorry he’d ever gotten himself into it, but from the way he was acting toward her, it wouldn’t have surprised her either way. She only hoped she could be composed and dignified when he finally got up the nerve to break it to her.
Sitting in one of the spring chairs on her tiny patio late Tuesday afternoon, she thought back over their time together. She could almost see him standing at her gate on that first Saturday, when he had agreed to help her with her rather quirky plan to have a baby. And she would never forget those summer nights on the much-bigger patio at his weekend house, the leisurely dinners eaten under the stars and paper lanterns. Painting her nursery. Holding hands at the movie theater. Delivering a baby together. Maybe making one together.
That was the one thing that bothered her most—other than how much she was going to miss him, of course. She still didn’t know if their lovemaking had led to anything more than memories that would last for the rest of her lifetime. Maybe it was rushing it a bit, but she thought she would try one of the early detection tests tomorrow after work.
She glanced toward the empty backyard next door. Brandy wasn’t there this week. Her grandparents had taken her away for a brief vacation before they started the family therapy sessions Cecilia had set up for them. They had a tough time ahead of them yet, but she wanted to believe they would work things out. And that Brandy would find a path that would lead to happiness and fulfillment, not the misery she had been headed for with Marlin.
Marlin hadn’t been back. Maybe Geoff had scared him, or maybe he’d just moved on to the next vulnerable victim, but, at least for now, he was staying away from Brandy. Cecilia hoped the girl’s next boyfriend would be worthy of her affection. Someone kind and respectful and caring and strong.
Someone like Geoff.
Feeling uncomfortably like a lovesick teenager herself, Cecilia groaned and hid her face in her hands. She would get through this, she promised herself. As soon as she knew for certain whether she was pregnant—and admittedly, the odds were against that—she could concentrate fully on her work again. Her nice home. Her beloved brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law. Hannah’s baby, whom they would soon welcome into the family. She would enjoy being an aunt.
Telling herself she had all anyone could ask for, she pushed herself out of the spring chair and headed back inside, trying to convince herself that it was the sunset making her view hazy and not the sheen of tears in her eyes.
Cecilia walked straight to her bedroom upon arriving home from work Wednesday evening, leaving the package she’d picked up on the way home sitting on the coffee table. Before she faced the stress of taking that test, she wanted to get as comfortable as possible.
She changed from her work clothes into a bright-blue T-shirt and a pair of soft cotton blue-plaid dorm pants. Pushing her bare feet into a pair of white terry slippers, she tied her hair into a loose ponytail.
It wasn’t quite 7:00 p.m. yet, but she didn’t plan to go out again this evening, nor was she expecting company. Geoff hadn’t called today. If he was trying to pull away from her gradually, he was doing a fine job of it. She was coming to terms with the end of their affair, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t painful.
Maybe she would make herself something to eat before she took the test. A salad, perhaps. Or a bowl of soup.
She was stalling. The truth was, she was still so nervous about taking the test that she needed a bit more time to work up the courage.
It was early. The results might not be reliable, especially if it came back negative. A false negative was more likely than a false positive. But for some irrational reason, she thought she would know whether the results she received were true.