Double Full (Nice Guys 1)

Hours passed as Jace lay there awake, trying to talk himself through Colt’s plan. Surely to God, Colt only had another five more years to play ball. They were thirty-two years old. That would make Colt thirty-seven, how long did those careers last? Hell, that Green Bay Packer quarterback was forty years old and still playing, and Colt was a better player. What if five years turned to ten? That was ten years from right now, and Colt would still be a young man at forty-two. What if Colt went on to coach? Or worse, became a television broadcaster after he retired? Would five years turn to twenty or thirty more years? Would he be waiting and worrying about Colt for his entire life? Were alcoholics supposed to do things like hide the truth?

Those thoughts caused all new levels of pain to cripple his heart. Jace had walked this walk already. There was no way Colt could stay strong under all the stress of the life he’d just fled from. He’d buckle under the strain. His father and agent would target him every day. No, they might not physically beat him up, but they would emotionally destroy Colt in order to keep their meal ticket from walking out the door.

The thought enraged him and had Jace already wanting to tear them up, but he’d never be able to protect Colt tucked away from everyone. If Jace agreed to this, Colt would eventually do it again. Not come home after one of those extended leaves. Jace closed his eyes and let the pain of the possibility slice open his heart.

Jace had bought this place and moved the cheer gym into a state of the art facility all in an attempt to move his life forward. If he followed the path Colt outlined, he would be taking them back to where they were ten years ago. What would happen if one of Colt’s football buddies caught them together, would he let them assume the worst and hurl slurs at him again? Probably, because being hidden only worked when the object hidden stayed removed from everyone at all cost.

What were his choices? The idea of leaving Colt broke his heart, and he tightened his hold on Colt’s chest. These last few days were some of the best of Jace’s life. They taught him he’d never stopped loving Colt, and the reality was he never would, but that didn’t mean they were meant to be. A tear welled and slipped from Jace’s eye, rolling down his cheek and fell silently on Colt’s chest. He wiped at the wetness on Colt’s skin. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He knew the decision he needed to make.

Slowly Jace began untangling himself from a sleeping Colt’s arms. Colt instinctively tightened his hold as Jace rose. “Shh… Sleep, I’m going to the bathroom.”

Colt seemed good with the excuse; he turned over, pulling his pillow to his body. Jace quietly grabbed his clothes and watched the bed for any sign of movement. He picked up his shoes and softly walked across the house to the kitchen. It took a second to dress, before he looked around for something to write on and a pen. Jace refused to allow himself to think with anything other than his head, and that turned out to be a trick, because his heart hurt on a level he’d never, ever experienced before in his life. Did this really feel worse than ten years ago?

Yes!

Slowly Jace closed his eyes and forced himself to calm. It allowed him to think, and after a moment of silent meditation, he opened his eyes and penned the note. Easily finding the words.

Colton,

I’ve lived this life with you before. Loving you from afar, never letting anyone know how I feel. I can’t do it again, I won’t do it again. Five minutes is too long to hide what we share. I certainly can’t do five years. Take your time here. Stay as long as you need. I’m flying home today. Please don’t contact me again. It will just make it all harder.

Jace

Jace sat his keys, phone, iPod, and sandals on the entry room table before he silently padded back across the house, and even more quietly checked on Colt, who had turned, but was still sound asleep. Jace allowed himself one last look before he placed the note on the nightstand and left the room.

He grabbed his keys and iPod, dropped his phone in his pocket and slid his feet into his sandals as he opened the front door. Everything else could stay. Nothing mattered more than the distance he needed to place between them.

“It can’t work, let him go,” he repeated over and over to himself to help his mind stay strong even as his heart begged him not to take another step away from the house. Jace put his earbuds in his ears, rounded the hood of his rental, and slid inside. He didn’t even look as he used his thumbs to start whatever the next song might be. The car’s engine revved, and Jace backed out of the drive, more desperate than he’d ever been in his life. He prayed he could find some flight leaving immediately. He’d go anywhere in order to get out of here.

***

He tugged the pillow closer to his face to hide the smile as Jace came back into the room dressed. Colt kept his eyes almost closed, barely seeing enough to know that Jace didn’t plan to come back to bed, instead Colt assumed he planned to surprise him. Maybe breakfast? And he had almost blown the whole thing with the grin he gave, thinking how Jace might try to cook some bacon and serve him breakfast in bed.

He’d have to give Jace credit, he was quiet, but after so many days, Colt’s body wouldn’t rest unless Jace was right there in his arms. Who did he try to kid even thinking he could live without Jace for seven months? Colt couldn’t seem to go seven minutes without going to find Jace, just to be in his presence. Jace had the gym, but he would just have to give in and come to New York. They could fly back and forth all the time. Besides, Colt was too proud, he wouldn’t be able to keep Jace hidden. They’d be seen and Colt wouldn’t be able to deny him. Fuck anyone who had anything negative to say. The bottom line, and what Colt didn’t want Jace to worry about right now, was that he would probably have to find a new career and that seemed all right too. Colt’s grin grew as the front door clicked softly shut.