Broken

Her eyes narrow and, slowly, she tilts her head, studying my expression. “You’ve shagged him again, haven’t you?”

I open my mouth to protest, but what’s the fucking point? “Yeah.” I sigh, dropping my head and staring at my foot as it draws invisible circles on the floor.

“Bloody hell, Theo,” she grumbles. “Even if he wasn’t your boss, you don’t need to be getting involved with some kind of crack-head.”

“He’s not a crack-head. Christ, Tess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you were his best friend.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“What do you expect? You don’t know anything about him, you’ve been walking around like someone killed your puppy since you met him, and yet you can’t seem to stop yourself dropping your kecks every time he looks at you!”

“It’s only happened twice,” I counter, as if that makes it all better.

“Yeah, and look what happened after the first time. You’ve been a whiney bitch ever since.”

I want to argue but I can’t, because she’s right. “I didn’t know him then.”

“You still don’t.”

“I do. Kind of. He’s not a bad guy. Pretentious and arrogant, yes, but he’s…I don’t know, more.”

“More?”

“He thanked me.”

Tess scrunches her nose. “For having sex with him?”

“No! For…” I realise I don’t actually know. “For helping him out, I guess.”

“I’m sorry,” Tess says, her tone softer as she rubs my arm. “I’m being a twat. Just…be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Right now, the only thing I’m feeling is tired.” I start walking towards the bedroom. “You coming?”

“Only if I can sleep on the left. You’ve got a loose spring on the right. I swear, it nearly took out one of my ovaries last week.”

Dramatic, much? “Whatever. I could sleep on a washing line right now.”

No more than five seconds later, I’m in bed. Another five seconds, and I’ve fallen into a coma.

**********

When I reach the office on Monday morning I walk over to Ed who’s chatting to Stacey, and Katie from design.

“Told you he was a weirdo,” Katie says.

Ed greets me with a nod before getting back to the conversation. “He was making a right tit of himself. Bet he doesn’t show today. Probably too embarrassed.”

“And, he was going to jump?” Stacey cuts in.

They’re gossiping like high-schoolers and I feel utterly disgusted by it. Tugging on Ed’s arm, I ask if I can have a word. Nodding, he follows me to my workstation.

“Mate, what the hell are you doing?” I ask, my tone baffled.

“How’d you mean?”

“Telling people about Saturday. This isn’t Jeremy fucking Kyle. He doesn’t need it publicising for your entertainment.”

“Oh, come on. You have to admit it was funny seeing that he’s not as smart and cocky as he makes out.”

Funny? “No, actually, I fail to see anything funny about it. He could’ve really hurt himself.” Or worse.

“Chill out, Theo. He was pissed, that’s all. Just a regular nobhead who’d had too much to drink like the rest of us. He treats people like crap all the damn time. Thinks he’s better than us. Won’t kill him to get a taste of his own medicine for once.”

I wave his stupid reasoning off with my hand. “Well, keep me out of it,” I say. “I’ve no desire to get my kicks at the expense of someone else.”

“Jesus, didn’t realise you were his best bud.”

“I’m not.”

A sardonic grin tugs on one side of Ed’s mouth and he glares at me, staring straight into my eyes. “You’ve fucked him haven’t you?”

“No!” I deny it because the way he’s smiling at me, amused, makes me feel embarrassed. Maybe even a little ashamed.

“It’s written all over your face. Makes sense now, why you’re sticking up for him.”

“That’s not why. Maybe I just don’t get off on laughing at other people’s misfortunes.”

“Well trust me, just because he’s fucked you doesn’t mean he deserves your loyalty,” he says, ignoring me. It pisses me off. “He won’t return the favour.”

“Oh yeah?” My tone is sarcastic. “And you say that from experience?”

I’ve suspected Ed is one of James’ many conquests for a while but he’s never confirmed it.

He simply shrugs, and I decide it’s the closest to a yes I’m going to get. “He’ll have forgotten about you already. He uses people. Only cares about himself.”

I disagree but don’t argue. I’m sick of discussing it. “By the way,” I say. “Tess said you owe her a tenner.”

“It was five!”

“Yeah, you’ll soon learn not to borrow from Tess. She charges interest.”

“Interest would be twenty pence,” he grumbles. “That’s extortion! I’m skint enough as it is.”

Smirking, I shrug my shoulders.

“I’ll nip to the hole in the wall at lunch.”

I’m relieved when he walks away. He’s annoyed me but I’m forced to wonder if I really would feel the same if his gossip centred around anyone else, or if it’s because of my skewed, possibly imaginary, connection to James.

It’s an unusually warm day for April and so I wriggle out of my suit jacket and drape it over the back of my chair. When I look back up, Stacey is by my side.

“If you’ve come to gossip I’m not interested,” I snap.

Her eyes widen in response to my harsh tone. “Actually, I just came to say it’s time for the weekly briefing in Mike’s office.”

“Oh,” I mutter, feeling like a dick.

“But…I know we haven’t known each other that long, but if you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here.”

Huh? My eyebrows draw together in confusion.

She must notice. “I don’t know what happened on Saturday, but from the look on your face, I think there’s more to it than Ed’s version of events.”

“Not really,” I say, because it’s true. James was drunk, and he most certainly made an arse out of himself. There may well be more to it, I suspect as much, but I don’t know for sure and probably never will. “Guess I just don’t find it as amusing as he does.”

“For the record, nor do I. I might’ve listened, but it won’t go any further. Not from my mouth, anyway.”

Offering a weak smile, I stand from my chair. I appreciate her words, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. The last thing I need is people wondering why it bothers me so much. It’s stressful enough trying to figure that out for myself.