Being Sawyer Knight (Souls of the Knight 1)

The weirdest part of this whole thing was that even though I felt confused, a little scared and wholly uncomfortable… it didn’t even occur to me to push him away. Not even when he placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Sawyer,” he whispered, his voice strained like he was in pain. “I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

“Uh… yeah I know. You said.”

Christ, I was practically panting. What the fuck was going on?

“No, Sawyer. You don’t know, and I can’t leave until you do. I’ll be on the other side of the world soon, so I guess that means I’ve got nothing to lose.” I opened my mouth to speak but all that came out was a rush of breath. “I love you, Saw. I’ve loved you since we were fourteen.”

What. The. Fuck.

“Jake… quit fucking around,” I said, forcing playfulness into my voice. What the hell had gotten into him? Ignoring me, he pressed his chest against mine and I gulped. “Seriously, mate.” He needed to back the fuck off… so why was I suddenly nervous that he might actually do just that?

“I’m not fucking around, Sawyer,” he said calmly… seriously. Then he brought his palm up to my cheek and my breath caught as his fingers moved down and smoothed over the light stubble along my jaw. Now would be a good time to deck the fucker. “You must’ve noticed the fact I’ve never had a girlfriend. Or seen the way I look at you when you shower after P.E? Or the way my breathing gets heavy when I smell that body spray you wear?”

Of course I’d noticed the no girlfriend thing, but to be honest I put it down to him being a geek who was too busy studying to be arsed chasing girls when he could just have a wank instead. As for the shower and heavy breathing thing? No fucking way did I ever notice that.

“Jake…” His name came out as a breathy whisper. To my ears it almost sounded like a pleading whisper. Obviously I’d misheard, so I pulled my hood down too so I could hear myself properly. Push him away now, Sawyer.

“I love you, Sawyer Antony Knight.” When his other palm cupped the other side of my face, my eyes wandered down to his wrist, following the trail up his arm until they landed on his face, meeting his gaze. Seriously, push him away. Punch him. Beat the living shit out of him for pulling this kind of stunt on you! “I’m going to kiss you, Saw.” Like fuck you are! Move, body…WALK AWAY! “I’m going to kiss you and take that memory with me to treasure for the rest of my life.”

Cautiously, never taking his eyes from mine as if he were assessing my reaction, his face inched closer to mine. When his breath swept over my face, I started breathing so heavily I felt like I was going to die from the pressure in my chest. No matter how hard I tried to force it out with each breath, it wouldn’t leave…

Until his lips touched mine and I stopped breathing altogether.

He planted soft, careful kisses along my bottom lip, pulling away after each one and studying my expression. When I didn’t react, he kissed me again - only this time he pulled me into him with his hands cradling each side of my head. I didn’t want to look at him - didn’t want to believe this was really happening, but no matter how hard I tried to close my eyes they refused. Jake dipped his tongue into my mouth and I gasped, almost choking on the taste of him. Suddenly I was ravenous. This time I did close my eyes and forced myself to concentrate on the amazing feeling against my lips, the intoxicating taste on my tongue… and the sound of his soft, barely there stubble grazing against my own. Unconsciously my hands wound around his back, pulling his body against mine. I could feel his hard dick straining against the denim of his jeans, and when I found myself wanting to reach down and cup it, I pulled away - disgusted with myself.

“Jesus, Sawyer. If I’d known you’d react like that I would’ve told you three years ago.”

“I…I didn’t… I mean I don’t…”

“It’s okay, Saw. I’m leaving remember? I won’t tell anyone you’re g-”

“I”M NOT…” I couldn’t even say the word. “You shouldn’t have done that, Jake! What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I’d wanted you for the last three years, and I couldn’t leave without tasting you.”

“You’re out of order. Why the fuck would you pull this shit on me? I’m not… I’m not like that.”

“This tells me otherwise,” he said with a cocky smile, cupping my dick through my pants.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I yelled at him. Then I shoved him off me with so much force he stumbled, saving himself on a lamppost. “You had no right to do that to me!” I growled in his face. “I’m fucking glad you’re leaving,” I spat.

“Sawyer,” he muttered pleadingly. “Mate, come on…”

“You lost the right to call me ‘mate’ about ten fuckin’ minutes ago. Get the fuck out of my life, Jake, and don’t ever contact me again.”

“Sawyer,” he called after me when I started jogging towards the bus station. “Sawyer I’m sorry!”

And those were the last words I ever heard from my best friend.

Chapter One

Ten Years Later…

“So tell me…” the journalist whose name I’d already forgotten began with an eager smile. Leaning forward in her chair she continued… “What’s it like being Sawyer Knight?”

Oppressive.

Tiring.

Lonely.

“Awesome. Of course it is. I’m a very lucky guy.” I gave the same robotic answer I’ve been trained to give, but feeling the lie coat my tongue made me remember why I don’t usually agree to do interviews. It’s all bullshit. They ask the questions the world is apparently dying to know the answers to, but they only want the ‘right’ answers. They’re only interested in the fame, the money and the glamour of it all. Not me. They don’t give a flying fuck about me - Sawyer the human being.