Being Sawyer Knight (Souls of the Knight 1)

“We were just kids then, Sawyer. I’m sure we’re both mature enough to move on from that.”

“But you moved so far away – the other side of the world. Why did you come back? Leave your family? Your friends?”

“I came back because this is an amazing opportunity. And… because I’ve missed you.” His brow furrowed and tiny sparks of panic literally flickered in his eyes. “We were best friends for a long time, Sawyer. I missed being that close to someone. I missed the fun we used to have. Because we did, remember?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, smiling fondly. “Remember that time we filled Dennis Lawson’s locker with dog shit?”

“Oh yeah! Fuck, we were evil little shits.”

“Nah. The prick deserved it. That kid was so full of himself you’d think he shit diamonds or something.” I nodded, smiling at the memory. “Drink?”

“Sure,” I agreed, loosening my tie. Sawyer stood up and strolled towards the minibar. His jeans were so tight I could see every flex of his arse with each step. He was good looking back in high school, but now… now he’s beautiful.

Conversation was a little awkward at first. We stuck to ‘safe’ topics, talking about our childhood and everything leading up to – but not including - the last time we saw each other. Soon enough, the rich whiskey started taking effect, visibly relaxing him. Three shots in and I saw a genuine smile… not a forced one he’d only put on for my benefit. The curve of his lips illuminated his entire face, making his caramel eyes sparkle under the wisp of dark brown hair that couldn’t seem to keep itself from falling over his face.

“So, how are your parents?” I asked casually in an effort to keep the conversation flowing. I didn’t want this night to end.

“Jerry fucked off a few years back. He was our first manager before we got signed, got us a few gigs here and there… but then I found out he’d been knocking my mum around, so after beating the living shit out of him, I told him he either disappeared or I’d call the cops.”

“Jesus,” I barely whispered, shaking my head at the image he’d put in my mind. “How’s your mum now?”

“Good, last time I heard.”

“You don’t see her?”

“Not often. She doesn’t exactly approve of my lifestyle. Got to do what’s right by her church buddies, ya know.”

“Wow. Sorry, mate.” Sawyer shrugged casually, feigning indifference. His eyes told a different story though. Evident discomfort forced his eyebrows together slightly and when he blinked, it took his eyes a couple of seconds longer than necessary to open again. “So who do you go to when you need to escape all this shit?” I asked, motioning my hands around the opulence surrounding us.

“Elle,” he said simply. Just the sound of her name tugged on the corners of his lips, making him smile.

“Maths girl?” I already knew the answer. The whole world knows about Elle Wilson – best friend and possible secret girlfriend of the hottest singer this decade has ever seen.

“Yeah,” he agreed, still smiling as he nodded. “After you… left,” he started to explain, the word ‘left’ cracking on his lips. “I spent more and more time with her. She helped me with my maths, gave me her old papers to study, that kind of shit. I still fucking failed,” he added with yet another smile. I liked Elle already. So far, she’s the only person who seems to make Sawyer happy. “But seriously, she’s the only person who’s ever been there for me. If it weren’t for her… I don’t think I’d have survived this life very long.”

Wow.

“Sounds lonely,” I said, picking my glass up from the table and taking another sip of whiskey. The burn ceased after the second glass, and so now, four glasses in, the rich liquid trickled smoothly down my throat like silk. “Are you lonely, Sawyer?”

His eyes widened just slightly and he stuttered on his response. I stared intently into his eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of his soul hiding behind them. I could almost see the debate taking place in his mind – whether to be honest with me, or lie.

“No. Course not.” He went for the option of lying. “I’m surrounded by people every day.”

“But they don’t know you,” I stated cautiously, the end of my sentence coming out slightly higher as if it were a question. “Not the real you.”

“How the fuck would you know? You don’t know me,” he spat. The anger in his voice halted the rhythm of my heart for a brief second while I considered what I was doing. I should back off. I should be professional and keep a safe personal distance. I should apologise for riling him.

But I knew immediately I wasn’t going to do any of those things. Despite what he might think right now, I do know Sawyer Knight – the real one. I grew up with him, I loved him… I still love him. We might have spent the last ten years apart but I’ve never stopped following him. I’ve watched his career go from strength to strength. I’ve studied him in interviews, TV appearances and even went to watch him play when the band’s last tour landed in Australia. Each time I watched him I was drawn to his eyes, and not once had I ever seen the sparkle in them that I used to fantasise over as a teenager. He never smiles – not genuinely. He never talks about his private life. Never discusses himself unless prompted, and even then the discomfort is evident by the slight squirm of his body.

Sawyer is hiding from the world.

He’s hiding from himself.

And I’m going to find him.

Chapter Three

“I’m sorry¸ Sawyer,” Jake apologised. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just imagine this life can get pretty lonely at times.”

Damn right it can, but I didn’t want him of all people to know that. Why? I’m not really sure. Maybe because it always did annoy me that he could read me so well, and I don’t want anyone having that kind of power over me.