The Making of Matt (Souls of the Knight 3)

“And how’d you come to that conclusion? Forgive me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure Alex is no stranger to playing slam dunk the asshole with a guy.”

“You’re being unfair. Whatever’s happened, or might happen, like you said he’s your best friend. Maybe he’s afraid to lose that. You need to talk to him.”

“Hmm, maybe.” I shrugged, feigning disinterest. “I think I need to sit out this sulk for a few days first.”

I’m not sure I’d ever been in such a vile mood before. Everything irritated me, including the sound of Sawyer’s boot tapping against the floor. Narrowing my eyes, I tossed him a glare.

“I gotta say, you seem to be handling this way better than I did when Jake walked back into my life, and I already knew I was gay deep down.”

“You know me, dude. I hit any shit life throws my way with a high five.”

“But this is a huge deal. You’re talking about something that could potentially change your whole life. When I think back to how I felt the first time I kissed a guy…my head was wrecked.”

“Yeah, well you were too worried about what everyone else would think. You know I don’t give a rat’s ass about other people’s opinions. Believe me, I ain’t saying I’m not struggling with this, I’m just not ashamed of it. Fuck, if I didn’t share it with you I’d go fucking crazy.”

“I know that feeling,” Sawyer said, nodding slowly. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Will you keep it between us for now? Until I’ve sorted this shit out. Obviously you can tell Jake.”

“Sure thing. But again, you have to talk to Alex.”

“Damn right you do.” Neither of us heard Ryder arrive and when I heard his voice I almost choked on my stomach. “Where the hell is he? We need all the help we can get.”

As of today, Kaleidoscope was closed for five weeks while it underwent a complete refit. I wanted to put my own stamp on the place and have a grand re-opening complete with VIP guests and press. Trouble was, although I’d spent half my life in bars and clubs, I’d always been too smashed to pay attention to the layout and décor. That’s why I hired Ryder to help me with the re-design, and why today the burnished black bar was being replaced with fuchsia granite embedded with silver glitter.

“Nice of you to join us. I was expecting you hours ago,” I said, hoping he hadn’t overheard the conversation between Sawyer and I. It didn’t feel right discussing what happened in my utility room with anyone else until I’d spoken with Alex. “How’s my favorite homo this morning?”

“Oh stop,” Ryder said, feigning shyness as he fanned his face with his hand. “I bet you say that to all the gays.”

I winked at him. “Only the hottest ones.”

“You should know the workmen have just pulled up outside. Time to get off your arse, roll up your sleeves and get to work, guys.”

I was relieved to see he’d apparently forgotten about Alex and his whereabouts. “You’re fucking with me, right? You don’t actually expect me to get my hands dirty. That’s what I’m paying those guys for,” I said, pointing in the general direction of the bar.

“Oh, come on! I’ve bought you your own paintbrush!”

“This is an eighteen-hundred-dollar shirt.” I tugged lightly on my collar. “I’m not painting shit.”

“Fine,” Ryder huffed. “I’ll call Alex to come help. He is the manager, and not a lazy-arse fucker like you.”

Shit. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I snapped curtly. “Get me some fucking coveralls.”

It took me three days to yank my head far enough out of my ass to even consider finding Alex. That wasn’t due to nerves, it was because I was fucking pissed. Anyone’d think the guy had never been kissed before. Was I that bad? I knew that couldn’t be it. I could’ve racked up testimonies in my favor from literally hundreds of chicks if I’d needed to. Maybe that’s the problem. Perhaps he thought, with him being a dude, I was playing some kind of sick joke.

Fuck, I wished it were a joke. Sure as shit would’ve been easier to get my head around.

I’d had another chat with Uncle Sawyer, this time getting Jake’s input, too. Jake’s initial reaction had been to laugh in my face…until he realized I was being serious. Just like Sawyer, once he’d absorbed everything I had to say, Jake’s opinion was that I needed to talk to Alex. No one seemed to hear my repeated argument that Alex was being a giant prick about the whole thing. Actually, no. In order for him to be a prick about it, that would mean he’d have had to acknowledge that anything had even happened.

Storing their advice in the back of my mind but not yet ready to use it, I decided I could figure this shit out on my own. I devised the perfect plan which began with me taking a long shower and resisting the urge to jerk off while I was in there. Butt naked and still a little damp, I headed to my bedroom armed with my laptop. If I was gay, or even bisexual, one thing would surely prove it.