Taming Ryder (Souls of the Knight 2)

“Great scene, boys,” Ivan praised, coming out from behind his camera. I gave him a brief nod in response before gathering my clothes from the floor and making my way over to the door.

“Hey, wait up!” Gio called, catching up with me. “You okay? You weren’t really into that.”

“Sorry, man. Just got a lot on my mind right now.”

“Wanna share?”

I shrugged my shoulders, unsure what to say.

“Let’s get cleaned up and grab a coffee,” Gio suggested.

“I dunno. I got stuff to sort out.”

“Then sort it after.”

“Sure,” I agreed, forcing a weak smile. “Meet you out here in thirty minutes?”

“Great.”

Gio clapped my shoulder and disappeared down the hall. I turned in the opposite direction, heading for the shower and hoping to wash away the sickly feeling in my stomach.

Reluctantly, after my shower I followed Gio to the coffee house around the corner. I sat back on the dark leather couch with one ankle propped up on my knee, sipping the caramel latte Gio ordered for me.

“What’s going on with you, huh? You’re not in any trouble, right?”

“No, no. Nothing like that,” I assured him. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“You and Sam? How does that work?”

He winked. “Want me to draw you a diagram?”

“I’ll pass,” I said, smiling. “I mean the whole relationship thing. Doesn’t he get jealous watching you on screen?”

“It’s work.” He shrugged. “Nothing more than an act. He understands. Sam did porn for two years until recently.”

“So he doesn’t mind you being with other guys?”

“I’m not with anyone but him. The guys I fuck on camera? I don’t date them. I don’t wake up with them. I don’t whisper secrets in their ear. They don’t get what’s in here,” Gio said, tapping against his heart with a straightened finger.

“Do you love him?” I asked, before backtracking immediately. “Sorry. That’s none of my business.”

“I said you could ask me anything, remember? And yeah. yeah I do.”

“So do you think it’s easier because he was in the industry too?”

“I can’t answer that. I’ve seen relationships fall apart in this industry and I’ve seen them grow stronger. I don’t think it has anything to do with the job you do or the industry you’re in. Everyone’s mind works differently. Some people need their partner to commit to them completely, body and soul, whereas others, like Sam and I, are content knowing who’s coming home to who each night.”

“But it’s only the porn, right? Or are you guys in some kind of open relationship?”

“Oh hell no. I couldn’t share him with anyone and neither could he. You know yourself, there are no feelings involved on screen. It’s really nothing more than an elaborated jerk off. You shoot your load and get on with the rest of your day. It’s meaningless. A physical act, nothing more.”

I nodded, understanding only a little. I admired his outlook, and especially the strength of his relationship with Sam, yet I couldn’t help wonder if I would feel the same seeing someone I loved on screen with another guy. A loud sigh escaped my throat when I realized how much of a hypocrite that made me. I worked in porn. I did understand that it was basically a meaningless and mechanical affair, but I also still dreamed of a day when I only shared that part of myself with one person – a person who shared the same with only me too.

Maybe Ryder was right. Maybe I was idealistic at heart. Not that it mattered. Circumstance had snatched those dreams away from me.

“What’s this about, Mason? Have you met someone?”

“No,” I protested quickly. “Well… kind of. Maybe. Ah fuck, I don’t even know. He doesn’t feel the same so none of this shit even matters.”

“Is he in the industry?”

“No,” I lied. The last thing I needed was for him to start taking guesses.

“I’m sorry, man. It can be difficult for some people to understand. Some people can’t disassociate sex with love.”

“Yeah.” And I’m pretty sure I might be one of those people right now.

“Look, I have to get going. I’m meeting Sam in an hour. I’ll see you at Double X for the event though?”

“Sure. And thanks, G.”

“Anytime. Take care, Mason.”

“You too.”

Someone had left today’s newspaper on the table next to me, so after ordering another latte I grabbed it and started looking for somewhere to live. An hour and four phone calls later, none of them were available for me to move straight into without a viewing or references. Slamming the newspaper closed, I put my head in my hands and sighed heavily, not knowing what the fuck I was going to do next.

My eyes startled open when I heard a loud shriek. Looking toward the entrance of the coffee house I saw Matt standing in the doorway, working his charm on a growing group of girls. I laughed to myself, watching him lap up every drop of attention. He signed a couple of things, posed for a few photos and then came barreling over to my table.