Better Than People (Garnet Run 1)

Pirate rubbed up against his cast then trotted ahead like always, Rat at her heels. Dandelion turned this way and that, enjoying the walk. Puddles stuck close to Simon, and Bernard kept sniffing at Jack like he knew something was different.

Jack hadn’t fully realized how much he’d missed this until now. It had been a month and every cell of his body had yearned for it. Even the fact that they had to go so slowly that Pirate finally got fed up and started running in circles around them didn’t dull the shine of being out in the glorious morning air.

But after another five minutes, his shoulders and arms were on fire and his armpits chafed painfully. After another ten minutes he could feel the calluses forming on his palms and he was breathing like he’d run ten miles. Simon was shooting him looks that were likely supposed to be subtle but weren’t.

“Let’s stop for a bit,” Simon said gently. Jack was panting and wincing and dizzy, sweat streaming down his back. He was furious at his body and wanted to argue with Simon, but he couldn’t, because he needed to stop, and because he was already in a vicious argument with himself.

How did just breaking my leg make me this weak? Jack’s mind screamed. My arms should be strong enough to compensate! Why am I tired when I’ve spent all day lying around???

The dogs didn’t mind stopping. They wove their leashes together chasing each other and nipping at falling leaves, bugs, the air. Pirate chased a pika through the trees, catching it once and letting it go, then jumped on Bernard’s back, inducing him to play with her. He obliged, harrumphing down on the ground and rolling around with her, practically tugging Simon down with him.

Simon’s laugh drove away the pain in Jack’s arms and the ache in his back. It even eased his resentment a little bit. He leaned back against a tree and looked up at the way each tree’s leaves didn’t quite touch, blue sky visible in rivers between them. Crown shyness it was called. A red-tailed hawk careened overhead and Jack envied its freedom.

“I’ll drop them off and come get you in the car,” Simon said.

The tentative edge to his voice was all that kept Jack from snapping at him.

“I’m fine,” he said tightly.

Simon frowned at him. He slid the leashes up to his wrists and took Jack’s hand, turning it palm up. Jack hissed when Simon pressed on the skin there and snatched his hand away. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

“Sorry,” Jack said softly. “I’m just so damn sick of being weak.”

Simon’s eyes snapped to his, blazing.

“You’re not weak. You broke your leg. You’re human, you know, with bones, that-that-that break!”

“Fuck bones,” Jack growled bitterly, scowling at his cast. “I hate bones.”

Simon’s laugh rang out.

“You’re such a baby,” he said, but he said it gently.

Jack’s eyes widened.

“You are,” Simon said. “You think it’s weak to have a broken leg? What do you think of people who can’t walk? D’you think they’re weak?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“What do you think of p-people who need help to get around all the time? Are they weak?”

“No, I—”

“What do you think of m-me, then? Am I weak because I c-can’t t-talk to p-people?”

“No! Simon, no. I—Fuck, I’m sorry. You’re right. Bad choice of words.”

“It’s not a choice of words, though,” he said, cheeks flushed. “It’s how you think. B-being strong means being able to d-do everything easily and by yourself and anything else means b-being weak. Right?”

Jack frowned. That was how he’d always thought of things for himself. But he didn’t think that way about other people. Did he?

“I...no, I...”

“And if you think it about yourself but not about me then wh-what makes you so damn special?” Simon went on. “Why do you g-get to be different?”

Simon’s eyes blazed and Jack could see the anger there. Somehow, it shocked him. Had Simon’s shyness made Jack think he couldn’t get angry?

Jack hung his head.

“I’m not special,” he said. “I’m just...used to being able to do things for myself. By myself. I don’t like being helpless. It’s frustrating and...”

Frustrating isn’t all, though, is it? a sneaky voice whispered. The last time you felt helpless was when Mom and Dad died and there was nothing you could do about it. You couldn’t change what happened to them and you couldn’t even help Charlie. He did everything for you and you just let him.

Simon didn’t answer, but his silence spoke as loudly as his words. After a minute, he said, “There’s more than one way to be strong, Jack.”

* * *

It’s Ed’s birthday, did you forget??? Are you coming???

The text from Vanessa was waiting for Jack when he got out of the shower. Fuck. He had forgotten.

He groaned. He was utterly physically exhausted from the walk this morning and spiritually exhausted from his argument with Simon. He felt like he’d deeply disappointed Simon and it had left a sick feeling of shame in his stomach.