“Why are you both acting like this is the prom?” Simon mumbled.
“Well, maybe this isn’t the best moment,” Jack said, and held out the boutonniere he’d drawn on scraps of tracing paper and attached with a safety pin.
“Oh my god.”
“And before you ask, yes, I googled it.”
Simon’s expression went soft and he looked closer at the flowers Jack had drawn: peonies and thistles. Lush and soft; strong and sharp. They reminded Jack of Simon.
“You’re such a geek,” Simon said, but he wound his arms around Jack’s neck and kissed him. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“You’re welcome. You don’t have to actually wear it.”
Jack figured he wouldn’t want to attract any added attention.
Simon ducked his head.
“Well. Pin it on me, anyway.”
Jack heard the unspoken sentence that followed: I want to know how it feels.
Simon was wearing a navy wool sweater, soft and worn, and Jack pinned the paper flowers over his heart, then leaned in and kissed his cheek. Simon’s eyelashes fluttered.
Jean snapped a picture of them, winked conspiratorially at Jack, and ushered them out the door.
“Have him home by eleven,” she called.
Jack saluted and Simon huffed as he got in the truck.
“Let me guess,” Simon said, rather accusingly. “You went to prom with the prettiest girl in your class.”
“Nope. I didn’t go.”
“Oh. How come?”
“Well, the boy I had a crush on wasn’t gay, and there wasn’t anyone else I’d’ve wanted to go with. Besides, dances...not really my thing. I went to Big Sal’s Diner with Vanessa, Sarah, and Ed, and Sarah’s boyfriend of the moment, I don’t remember his name. We ate a lot of fries and pancakes and got coffee-drunk.”
Jack remembered getting home at two in the morning, wired and giggly, to find Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, account books from the hardware store spread out, a calculator by his elbow, and his eyes red-rimmed.
“Who’d you have a crush on?”
Jack told him about Mason.
Mason had been a skinny, angry streak of energy who stalked through the hallways like he resented the very building itself. He’d moved to town at the end of their junior year and Jack hadn’t known much about him except that his father was a mechanic and Mason had driven a car that seemed to be Frankensteined together out of bits and pieces from other cars. Jack wasn’t even sure why he’d been so taken with him. They’d never interacted beyond a nod or a borrowed pencil, but something about him had been magnetic.
“What about you?” Jack asked. “Any high school crushes?”
They pulled into the parking lot and Simon stiffened.
Jack parked and turned to face Simon, taking in his slow breaths and taut shoulders.
“You don’t have to talk to anyone but me if you don’t want to, okay?” Simon nodded. “I’ll even order for you if you want.”
Simon glared.
“Okay, then. Wanna give me that?” He pointed to the boutonniere.
Simon let him unpin it, but when Jack went to put it on the dashboard, Simon took it and slid it into his pocket.
“You okay?”
Simon nodded.
“Don’t...don’t ask me anymore, all right? I’ll get annoyed even if I know you’re just being nice.”
“Okay.” Jack kissed his cheek. “Let’s go, I’m starved.”
Once they were seated, Jack said, “So about those high school crushes?”
Simon blushed and shook his head.
“I don’t know if they were even crushes, just...boys I thought were...whatever,” he said.
Jack thought that was pretty much the definition of a high school crush, but he nodded.
Simon blushed even harder.
“There was this guy. Tom. He, uh...”
Simon was saved by the arrival of their waiter, and stumbled through ordering a drink. He stared at the tablecloth when she ran through the specials. Jack ordered them an appetizer to share.
“Tom,” he prompted.
“Nothing,” Simon said, squirming. “Just. He looked kind of like you.”
Jack couldn’t have predicted the warmth that would stoke in his belly.
“I didn’t really think of it until now,” Simon said.
Jack took his hand under the table and squeezed it.
“I’m honored to fulfill your high school desires,” he teased.
Simon grinned.
“He was a dick, though. So don’t fulfill them too thoroughly.”
“Did he fuck with you? I’ll kick his ass.”
Jack said it lightly but the truth was he sometimes fantasized about going back in time to when Simon was younger and being the friend Simon had needed and never had. He would have gladly protected him from the whole world if he’d only been there.
Yet here Simon sat, battered by the waves of the world, but so beautiful, so strong, so kind he took Jack’s breath away.
They were smiling at each other when the waiter came to take their order. Simon pointed at what he wanted on the menu and smiled at her.
“So, I did something kinda weird,” Jack said once they’d ordered. “You know that book I like?”
Simon shot him a look that said, Of course I know it, you talk about it constantly.