Out of Nowhere (Middle of Somewhere 2)

I go into the bathroom and splash some water on my face, trying not to think about how, a month after Buddy beginning his shifts at the shop, I’d found Daniel—younger than I had been when Buddy and I started hooking up—blowing him in the alley.

How Buddy’s dirty hand was heavy on Daniel’s hair, Daniel’s sharp shoulders barely visible behind the bulk of Buddy’s thighs. How red Buddy’s face was or how Daniel’s hands fluttered on his own knees like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch Buddy with anything but his mouth. The sick fury that had unfurled in my gut, blinding me to everything but one imperative: get Buddy the fuck away from my brother.

I brush my teeth twice and force myself to walk slowly back to the kitchen. Rafe’s cleaning up the food and Daniel’s sitting on the floor, his back against the refrigerator, clutching Shelby like she’s a stuffed animal. She’s letting him, but I can tell she’s losing patience quickly.

“You’re about to get scratched,” I tell him.

“Huh?” When he looks up, he’s alarmingly pale and his eyes are unfocused. “Ow, shit!”

“Told you.”

Shelby runs to Rafe and rubs her face against his shins.

“Look, I’m really tired,” I say. “I’m gonna head to bed.”

“Colin….” Daniel stands up and comes toward me, but I look over his shoulder. I can’t see the hurt in his face, even if it is mostly on my behalf. I can’t see the sympathy. The soft, vulnerable look that I know will be there. I can’t be mad at him right now. It’s just too much.

“Your socks don’t match,” I say.

“Huh?” Daniel looks down. “Oh. Shit.” He looks like he’s about to say something, but he changes his mind. “I’ll um—I’ll get out of your hair,” he says finally, walking to the front door. He jams his feet into his boots while standing, nearly losing his balance, and pulls his jacket on. Then he turns to me.

“Um.” He runs his hand through his hair, messing it up. “Thanks. Thanks for agreeing to talk with me. I didn’t… I… thanks. And thank you for dinner,” he says, looking to Rafe. “And for….” He shakes his head. “Anyway. I’ll…. Can I maybe call you sometime?”

For a second I think he’s talking to Rafe and I bristle at the idea. Then I realize he’s looking at me.

“I guess,” I say, and he nods, like that’s more than he was expecting.

He opens the door and shivers.

“Bye, cat,” he says as Shelby sniffs at the fresh air. He blocks her with his foot.

“You all right to get home?” Rafe asks.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure,” Daniel says, like he’s confused as to why Rafe would ask.

IN BED, I try to pull Rafe down on top of me, but he resists, kissing me chastely on the cheek. I roll close to him and try to kiss his mouth, but he just grabs me and holds me to him, tucking my head under his chin. When I change tactics and try to reach down to his underwear, he growls and rolls us, pinning me to the bed.

“Please,” he says, holding my shoulders down. “Please don’t. Please.” He’s stroking my hair and my face and my neck, looking down at me.

Screw this. If he doesn’t want me, fine. I roll away from him and bury my face in my pillow. I just want to fall asleep and forget this day ever happened. I wish we were back at the beach house. Wish it was the sound of waves I could hear and not the sounds of traffic. Wish tomorrow I could wake up and have breakfast with Rafe, looking out at the gray ocean instead of dragging myself over to Pop’s to make sure Brian hasn’t gotten scurvy or something from living on only beer and crackers.

“Colin.” Rafe’s voice is gentle, his lips warm at my ear. He kisses my shoulder and rests a hand on my bare hip.

I huff and roll farther away from him, but when he moves toward me again, pulling me back against him, I press my ass into his crotch and hear his breath catch. The hand on my hip turns to a caress, and I throw my head back. Rafe kisses my neck, his hair tumbling over my face. I roll onto my back and pull him down on top of me.

“Fuck,” he mutters, and I can feel his dick stiffen against my hip, so I take advantage of it and kiss him hard, thrusting up against him. Though he tries to pull away at first, he finally sinks down against me, his hands running over my thighs and my ribs as we kiss.

“Are you sure now’s a good time to do this?” Rafe asks, his breath labored. “You sure you want this?”

“Look, just because that thing happened with Buddy, like, a hundred years ago, doesn’t mean I’m some little girl who got raped or something. Would you just fuck me?”