Raze (Riven 3)

“Sooo good, bro,” she said.

I smiled. “Good. Um. Pretty big bag. You ever coming back?”

She dropped it on the stool by the window.

“Coco lent it to me. I don’t have anything big enough for tour. So many fucking outfits, I swear.”

I had already promised myself that no matter how devastated I was that she was leaving, I wasn’t going to sour our last night together, or ruin her excitement. I pinched the inside of my wrist.

“You’re gonna look like a real rock star, huh?”

For a moment, Sofia grinned. When her smile faltered, though, she looked uncertain, like the girl who had come upstairs with a folded envelope from Fordham and handed it to me, too nervous to open it.

“I guess you’re gonna be a real rock star,” I amended.

“Fuck. Guess I am. I need taco pizza, stat.”

We loaded up our plates, and then Sof just brought the whole tray of pizza out too.

For a minute, she stared at her pizza, then softly she said, “People are gonna hate me. I’m not used to it.”

“Sure you are. Ramona hated you for a good two years when she was in seventh and eighth grade. And I definitely hated you for at least a month your senior year.”

She smiled a little.

“They already hate me. The second Riven announced, thousands of people hated me.”

I’d seen the internet response to Sof as the lead singer. It was exactly as sexist and misogynist as you’d imagine. I hadn’t told Sof I looked, though, hoping maybe she’d be too busy to see it.

“They hate the idea of you.”

She snorted. “Is that better?”

“Yeah! Because it means that once they see how amazing you are they’ll love you. People just hate new things, and they like to be louder about hate than love on the internet. Plus, you know, most people suck.”

“Yeah. Okay. I know. Whatever. I shouldn’t care, right? It’s just wild to know that a ton of people are gonna have opinions about me. Like, historically, only about ten people have ever had opinions about me and now suddenly it’s magnified by a million.”

“It’s super weird. But just because people have opinions doesn’t mean their opinions matter. You have to not let them matter. Because I swear to God, if you turn into one of those famous people who like check how many Twitter followers they have, or won’t eat cake, or wear two-hundred-dollar plain white T-shirts, I’ll disown you.”

She scrunched up her face. “Two-hundred-dollar white T-shirts?” Then she looked thoughtful. “Actually, I bet Ven totally has those. But point taken. Whatever. You know what, can we not talk about my imminent fame right now? Can we just eat delicious taco pizza and watch happy shit?”

“Absolutely.”

I put on the first movie and after we’d finished our pizza, I said, “Wanna know a secret?”

“Obviously.”

“Well, okay, it’s not really a secret secret.”

“Jeez, way to get me all excited and then a hundred percent not deliver.”

“It is exciting, it’s just not a— Oh, never mind. Now I don’t even wanna tell you.”

I faux pouted and pretended to go back to watching the movie. Sofia captured my ponytail and made snipping motions in the air.

“Tell, or the hair gets it.”

“I really like Dane. Like, really, really, really like him.”

“Wow.” She released my hair. “Tell me.”

I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to even explain everything I liked about him.

“I just…when I’m with him, I feel better than I ever have, like ever. It feels like my whole body is happy.”

Sof smiled, expression soft.

“It’s peace and excitement and desire and just…I don’t know. He’s not really the kind of person I ever imagined myself with, but somehow that’s perfect because all the things I like most about being with him I didn’t even know I wanted. I don’t know, I sound like an idiot.”

“You sound like you’re in love.”

I blinked at her.

“Wow, you should see your face.”

I blinked at her some more.

“Felix? Bro? Are you catatonic with love? Felix.”

I wasn’t quite sure what happened next, but I found myself lying on my back on the couch with Sofia on top of me, squeezing me.

Damn, she’d pounced me like when we were kids. I didn’t see it coming. I never did.

“Don’t cry, bro,” she said. Her voice sounded so young.

Was I crying? I felt my cheeks and found that yes, I was crying a little.

“Get off me, jeez.”

She sat cross-legged, looking at me, waiting.

“I’ve…I’ve never been in love before,” I said finally. “Am I? How do I tell?”

I liked Dane so much more than I’d ever liked anyone—like, exponentially more. I was always hot for him. I wanted to be around him all the time. I even found his strange, monosyllabic answers before he was sure you wanted more information charming.

Damn.

“Never mind,” I said. “You’re probably right.”

“I’m always right. So what are you going to do about it?”